Ignore them (How to Discipline Children)

Member Name: jacobite

Product:	How to Discipline Children
Date:	09/09/00 (36 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Necessary

Disadvantages: Too many people go over the top

I have four children aged from 6 to 25.

My 25 year old remembers well the last time I gave her a smack (she remembers it as the only time) - she was nine years old and had nearly broken a boy's arm!

I have a very loving family, we laugh a lot, we argue a lot and we are extremely loyal. Both my husband (step-father to two) and I are shown respect to a certain extent but always love.

I have always treated my children with respect and consistency. I have smacked my children, many times, on the hand and bottom, usually at around two years of age and for doing something that could endanger them that they failed to pay any attention to me warning them against.

There is a vast difference between giving a child a smack that might sting and hitting them hard. I have felt such despair when I have seen parents hit their children across the head, shake them, throw them and even kick them. I remember one mother smacking her child across his head with force and saying 'don't you f****** swear at me you little b******'. What an example eh?

I know people who hit their children for nothing then let them do bad things without saying a word.

Children learn by example. Those who are bullied at home will, themselves, become bullies outside. Those who see their parents fight will think that's the norm. Those who are raised with inconsistent discipline will become extremely confused.

If I tell my children 'no' I mean no. If I promise something, I keep that promise. But my best weapon, one that my mother used with me, was to ignore my children when they are bad. I tell them that unless they can speak to me properly, or stop fighting, or behave, not to bother speaking to me. Until they apologise, I pretend they're not there and that really seems to hurt them. I always tell them I love them but I don't like them, when they come out with that old cry 'you really hate me!!!' r>
I have a son with learning disabilities, he had severe behaviour problems when young (he's now 23). I had to learn to deal with his behaviour in a different way, one that he could understand but, nonetheless, I did and still do discipline him...with a mental age of 9 he tends to fight with my 6 and 13 year olds.

I am consistent with my love and my discipline, my children always know which way the wind is blowing with me and their dad, I believe that makes them feel secure.

The younger ones do not go out and about as we live in the countryside but when my oldest daughter was going out at nights she had a curfew. I always told her that if she was late she would be grounded HOWEVER, if there was something special that cropped up, as long as she phoned and I knew where she was, she could stay out later. I would never make her come home early from a dance.

I never pressure my children into being or doing things they really do not want to do...except, when I can't get in anymore, clean their bedrooms. When teachers tell me my children are really polite, well behaved, witty and balanced, that cheers my heart more than any A grades, it shows me they are happy individuals. But, I attended a grammar school where the headmaster was to be feared, a visit to his office generally meant the cane. I never did anything that required that visit but I would not complain if my children got a whack for being bad. There are far too many children getting away with blue murder in school. A lot of the time parents are to blame as they threaten teachers.

This family is a team. If there is anything wrong with one member it affects the others. Explaining things in age appropriate fashion often helps children to understand what is wrong and what is right and why, sometimes, rules have to be imposed and abided by.

I love my children and respect them...incidentally, I hate the term 'kids', I find that a little dis
respectful. I am consistent, as is their dad. Life is full of rules and consequences if they are broken, children must learn that from a young age, the home is no exception and no different to crossing the road or school in that respect.

Too many people 'use' their children then blame them when they misbehave i.e. use them as pawns in relationship battles; try and get them to prefer one parent to another; play them off against people; some even encourage their children to shoplift; be cheeky; be rebellious; bully. Before we take at look at discipline and methods on how to, I think we should all take a look at ourselves as parents and see what examples we set our children.