Is Anybody Watching Me? (Life after Death)

Member Name: BestMum

Product:	Life after Death
Date:	21/05/02 (38 review reads)
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Having not been with DooYoo for long I didnt quite feel experienced enough to write in Speakers Corner, but I thought what the heck, I would give it a go!

I am not a religious person. Actually, thats not quite true - I am still finding myself. I was never taught about religion from my parents. My mother says she is Christian but doesnt go to Church at all - and I know you dont have to! My father is Jewish but again, he is not a practicing Jew. In fact the only time I came to hear and learn about religion was when we started studying it at school. But we never used to study the Christian faith as I think we were supposed to know about that already. The time that religion really came into my life was when I met my future husband. I was 17 at the time and he was Catholic. His parents were devout Catholics but he didnt go to Church all that much, he says he believes what he believes and doesnt think he should have to go to Church to prove that - fair enough I suppose. Its only recently, after three deaths in the family and the birth of our first child, that I am beginning to look for answers and to find myself, if you like.

So because I didnt have a religion to follow I really didnt think about what happens to us when we die. Plus I was young, and you just dont want to think about those kinds of things, youve got more serious stuff to do like partying and boyfriends, etc! We hadnt had any deaths in the family that I can remember, up until four years ago. These experiences are still difficult and painful to think about and this is really the first time that I have talked about it, as such.

My gran was a smoker. She had smoked for most of her life. She tried to give up a number of times but to no avail. It was her one luxury in life she used to say, as they werent very well off as far as money was concerned. I remember my mum telling me one day near Christmas four years ago that gran had lung cancer and that things didnt look t
oo good. I was devastated but immediately thought that after treatment she would be as fit as a fiddle again; after all, we were planning a family and as I was her favourite, it was absurd to think that she would leave us before we had had children; you can tell I was pretty messed up! Anyway, she kept on visiting Christies Hospital for her chemotherapy but we could tell she was getting worse. Her body was weakening by the day and she was eventually admitted to hospital.

A few days afterwards my mum called to say that I should really go and see her as she didnt think it would be much longer. I arrived at the hospital completely petrified. I didnt know what to expect. I had never experienced anything like this before. Mum had warned me that she was dosed up on morphine and was almost constantly asleep, and that she hadnt said anything of any sense for the past two days. As soon as I walked into the room she looked straight into my eyes and said, This is the last time I will see you, isnt it?. It felt like she was saying it just for me, like we were connected. I felt like she had caught a hold of me with her eyes and wouldnt let go until I had understood that she knew what was going on with her. I expected everyone else to say that they hadnt heard her say a thing, but they had and they thought this strange too. She didnt say another word the whole time we were there. She passed away the next day.

That night, as I was sleeping, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was walking along a corridor towards a room - it was a room that I knew but that I didnt recognise. When I entered the room it was dark, pitch black. Someone got a chair and put it into the middle of the room, I couldnt see who it was but I wasnt scared at all. All of a sudden my gran walked across the room, I could see her even though it was dark. She threw her arms around me and gave me a huge hug and told me that everything was going to be okay. She was in a safe place an
d that I shouldnt worry. When I woke in the morning, I knew that she had visited me. It was too real for it to be anything else. The dream was clear, to the point, and without confusion, unlike normal dreams.

How could she know that? How could she tell me that when she was almost unconscious with painkillers and drugs, and God knows what else they were pumping into her.

Probably the event to affect me most was the passing of my mother-in-law. She again had been a smoker for most of her life but had managed to give up a 30 a day habit at the drop of a hat. She was lovely. A true warm soul and a caring person. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in June of 2000 and given six months to live. We were devastated. She so desperately wanted grandchildren, especially a granddaughter; she had a grandson but he lived with his parents in London and hardly ever got to see him, and she had three sons and really wanted a girl. I discovered I was pregnant in April of that year but I had already suffered a miscarriage in November of the previous year and felt very guilty that I was going to deprive her of a grandchild before she passed away. I know its daft but thats how I felt. And now it was touch and go that she would live long enough to see our child as the doctors had given her until Christmas and Rachel was due on Christmas Eve.

We decided to find out the sex of the baby and were delighted to discover it was a girl, just what she had so longed for so badly. Joan (my mother in law) was doing really well with her treatment and actually got to see Rachel for six months of her life, as she passed away in June of last year. The night that she passed away, I had another dream! I dreamt that Rachel was in the cot next to my bed and that something was hindering her breathing and then my attentions focused on the bedroom window next to the cot and I could see a piece of glass had been removed from the window and was hanging over the cot,
pressing down on her neck. Her breathing was slowing further and panicking I got up and ran out onto the landing, when I was suddenly woken up by the ringing of the phone. It was my father in law asking my husband to go to the hospital quickly as Joan was having difficulties breathing. She passed away a couple of hours after. I now realise that it was actually Joan in my dream and she was using the vision of Rachel as an association for me. I even smelt her perfume as I woke.

I cant explain how but I just know that she is here with us. Rachel was the most precious thing in her life and brought her so much happiness in her last weeks. I feel her watching, and I know that sounds creepy. Rachel sometimes looks over my shoulder and smiles at nothing in particular, I know its her.

Apparently most visits from friends or relatives after their death, happen within the first three days of them passing, and usually take the form of a dream, although I am not too sure why. I am sure there are scientific arguments to counter everything that I have said here; there is always an answer to everything after all, isnt there? I still dont know what I really believe. After witnessing the miracle that is the birth of a child, it is hard not to believe that someone else was responsible for that whole event happening.

Only one thing is certain, we will all find out sooner or later and I for one am making sure I am a good girl, just in case! I believe there are guides (and not of the DooYoo kind!!) to show us the way through life. I am pretty sure I have come across these twice before. Both times I was about to cross a road without paying attention and somebody to the right of me with blonde hair grabbed my attention and stopped me from walking into the path of an oncoming car. She didnt talk to me or touch me; I was just suddenly made aware of her strong presence; coincidence you say? Maybe.

I dont have all the answers, I wish I did
. There are opinions on DooYoo that cover the whole question and answer side much better than I could ever do and so I am not going to attempt that, I just wanted to share my experience.

Thanks for reading.

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Quick Update
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This Sunday, June 16th will be the first anniversary of my mother in laws death and we're attending a special mass in her honour - I hope we all find the strength to get through the day. We love you lots, Granny McGrath! xx

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