THINGS can only get better... (Looking Back at 2008)

Member Name: helencb

Product:	Looking Back at 2008
Date:	01/01/09 (456 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: 2008 was as bad as it gets....(and I never mentioned the credit crunch once!)

Disadvantages: Wondering if sharing it is good or not

Oh my...here we are again. I have always wrapped up my year with one of these navel gazing reviews on the review sites...but this was not a normal year by any stretch of the imagination, and indeed it was perhaps my toughest year to date. I thought long and hard about whether to write this article honestly, as opposed to publishing something which simply skirts around the edges, but decided I would publish, if for no other reason than to reflect on the positives, as the one good thing is that I DO feel somewhat stronger going into 2009 than I did one year ago, or even two years ago.

To give some background: at the back end of 2006, I was trying to deal with a new situation, which devastated me and ruined my whole future and everything I have ever worked for was snatched from me through no fault of my own, but even more so it also called for me to question my entire adult life, as it seemed to be one huge lie. It beggars belief, and was a malicious act by someone, and to be honest, if I wasn't a relatively strong individual, I would probably have crumbled completely by now - quite simply as it can never leave us. This event had an enormous impact on my husband's life and future also and indeed had been affecting our relationship for years beforehand. I didn't realize it at the time, but during 2007, I was probably somewhat depressed and withdrawn, with the hopelessness of it all, the fact that there is not and will never be a solution to it. I also turned 39 that year, and I felt certain hopelessness at the future. This was made more difficult by the fact that my Mum died in the middle of the year, someone who had a good handle on the situation, and even the day I got home after her funeral I felt that this situation that I did not think could ever get any worse, actually did, and this manifested itself in a way too complicated to explain. By the end of the year, I was feeling in a bad way about the situation, so much so that I called my elder sister from a lay by on the A15 on the way home from work, on New Year's Eve and blurted out my feelings to her in a conversation that probably lasted nearly an hour. I told her that I would most likely be leaving my husband during 2008.

By 11th February, I made that move, and although I had no idea how I was going to do it, I ended up living with my Dad. Funnily enough, he lives two hours away, and while I was driving there, I had been unable to get hold of him, despite ringing 20-30 times, so I had the added worry of hoping he was ok. He was, he simply hadn't figured out that when the phone rings in a house where he lived alone, then it was probably for him..!

I took just one day off work despite this massive change in my life, walking out on a 22 yr old relationship, and I went back the next day, despite the fact I was now living 85 miles away from work, and not the 55 miles away, which was already a big challenge for me. The driving to work to and from Manchester was a much more stressful drive across the M62 though, and even if I left my Dad's at 645am, I would invariably get to work just after 900am. Thankfully, as a Revenue Manager in a hotel, I had the opportunity to stop over during the nights, providing the hotel was not full, and I had to take advantage of this stopping over 3 midweek nights out of four typically. This arrangement had been loosely agreed when I took the job just four months earlier, as even from my own home; the commute is 1hr 20 mins each way.

How I got through that first day at work I really don't know. It was a struggle, but I did hold it together just about.

I arranged holidays with both of my sisters, to Bermuda and the Isles of Scilly in that order, and that gave me something to look forward to. I planned the Bermuda trip around my 40th birthday.

Moving back in with Dad was an overall positive experience despite the fact I felt that work and stopping in meant I was in for a day then gone for a day etc. His biggest priority was that I was out meeting friends and socializing, and thankfully I had my friend Claire, an old school friend close by. I think it was good for Dad too, to have some company in the evening, as it was still only 8 months since my Mum had died, and they had been married over 40 years. I was however physically exhausted due to the commuting and lack of balance in my life. I did frequent my Dad's local a few times and got to meet more people from his social circle and I spent some quality time with Claire. It was during one of these pub visits that we first discussed the idea of a family get together in Dublin, his hometown. At Easter, I went to London to meet my sister for 2 nights to go and see a show which we had pre-booked, and I discussed with her that despite the fact I was trying to save hard, as I didn't know what the future had in store, I was making myself ill with long hours and endless commuting. I knew I had to find somewhere to rent more locally, even if that was going to cost more than I could afford (I still had a mortgage to pay!)

I met my friend Marie in Oxford in February, and we had a lovely weekend catching up, alas it was our only opportunity of 2008. I also caught up with old friends in Buxton on a couple of occasions, as last year was the year we all turned 40. Claire in particular had done well, dropping six stone in weight, and her birthday was her first big celebration in six months or more.

A week after I moved in with Dad, I had an email from a Swiss journalist who approached me after reading one of my restaurant reviews. They commissioned me to write and then paid for an edited version of the review, which appeared in a national travel magazine printed in two languages. It didn't make a crown on dooyoo however...despite the fact that we guides have the crown thing all sewn up...! It also made me reflect on some of the habits we review writers have - they wanted 250 words, including the final para which was the address and opening hours...!!

By mid April, I had found a beautiful new flat right in the heart of Lincoln, close to the cathedral, and this cut my commute down to 40 minutes, which felt like breeze after the previous six months. Just one week later I head off to Bermuda to visit my sister, and celebrate my birthday in style. However I still remained in denial about it for months afterwards..!

My Dad was worried that I would be a bit lonely on my own in a flat, and I assured him I wouldn't be, but actually it was tough, especially on the weekends, and I still felt unfulfilled, although I had much better sleep. My husband and I had maintained reasonable relations during this time, in hindsight things could have been a lot worse. He did occasionally come up and spend time at the flat, and even help me out there, although financially he was as cash strapped as I was and these were not easy distances to cover.

In June, I went to the Isles of Scilly with my sister, and this was a fantastic time and I highly recommend the Islands to anyone, within 12 hours of arrival my sister and I felt totally relaxed. I was finding that these one week holidays were breaking up the year nicely.

In August I was back stopping at Dad's overnight as I was working in the vicinity the following day. We had a long discussion, beginning with the fact that he had been called into hospital for a bone cancer scan the following week, as his prostate cancer was feared to have spread. I never did manage to get him to say what happened following the scans.

In September I finally had to go to court to defend myself against an unscrupulous builder, together with my husband. After 4 hours in court, and £4K in legal bills, we emerged victorious, and celebrated with a bottle of wine canalside in the city. Justice for the consumer!

By this time, we had also realized that the family gathering in Dublin for his 70th birthday in November was not going to happen as he was too ill, and perhaps dinner in a local restaurant would be an option. By September, we realized that even this was too ambitious and so we hatched a plan to cook a nice meal at home, with my two sisters and me cooking a course each. This was all set for 8th November.

Skirting over the detail, I had agreed to move back home once my lease expired, which was at the beginning of November. I had moved back for a mere 3 or 4 days when I got a desperate call from Dad asking for one of us to go over immediately, and despite the fact we would have been there 48 hours later. I went straight over from work, and he was in a real state, the deterioration in just a few weeks was alarming. We still had his birthday celebration, albeit scaled down slightly on the 8th, but on the morning of his 70th birthday he asked us to call the emergency doctor, he was soon admitted to hospital, where he died just 11 short days later.


So all in all, it was a very difficult year, and for me it has now been the third very unpleasant year in a row. Moving back in was always going to be a difficult adjustment in itself, and actually life just stalled for the last six weeks or so. It certainly wasn't a year where I felt I achieved anything for myself, and it has also made me reflect on the future and how to achieve that greater sense of well being and fulfillment which I have lost over the last few years. I have thought about this in depth, and have a sound plan for 2009, which is going to be pinned on the office wall in my home to remind us every day of what we want to be striving for, during the coming year.

I promise that a year from now I will be writing an upbeat positive review, like my first ones in this series!


1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

I went camping for five days in torrential rains, with my elder sister..!

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my niece Sarah had her third child, a boy.

3. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, my Dad, about five weeks ago. Also my cat was run over just before his second birthday... :(

4. What countries did you visit?

I revisited Bermuda, where my younger sister was living (she has moved back to the UK now). I also visited the Isles of Scilly with my elder sister (see 1)

5. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

More time spent for me, enjoying life, more external activities, more time with friends, less time spent worrying about money and work, fewer nights spent in hotel rooms on business, more play and less work basically.

6. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

12th Feb 2008 when I moved back in with my Dad temporarily, and 20 November 2008, when he died.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don't think I achieved a whole lot in 2008, however any successes would have to be work related, significant growth in sales YOY despite the credit crunch, group recognition and finally appointment to a key steering group within my company.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes...I have neglected my health drastically. Firstly I was traveling from Manchester to Brigg to work for part of the year...I still don't have a local doctor and am not taking thyroid medication that I am supposed to be, and haven't done for most of the year, I need to get that corrected this week for good...! I have suffered from flu and a lung infection and had to take time off work for it, for only the third time in my working life.

9. What was the best thing you bought?

My fantastic tent with rooms, as it gives so much scope for future holidays across UK and Europe.

10. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Celebration is perhaps the wrong word, but my husband was completely unselfish in caring for my Dad's needs in the final few weeks of his life, assisting him with tasks that I would have been unable to do.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Probably that Matthews woman...prepared to harm her own daughter

12. Where did most of your money go?

Renting a flat in Lincoln for six months, and filling up my bloody car with fuel simply so I could go to work. Car related expenses and fuel were costing me about £600 a month simply for work...thankfully fuel prices have eased a little, although it doesn't make a huge difference in the scheme of things as I am now back to twice the distance from work..!

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My two holidays with my sisters. I also saw a wonderful Shakespeare play performed in the open air near Lincoln cathedral, and it was truly spectacular.

14. What song will always remind you of 2008?

The little Chinese girl at the Olympics - who was only miming...!

15. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this
time last year?

No, everyone I hate I hated last year as well...!

16. What did you want and get?

Well it sounds a little materialistic, but I did get a new car in November.

17. What did you want and not get?

Fulfilment.

18. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 40...I flew to Bermuda two days before my birthday and I spent a week there...I was in denial for this birthday, however I visited a spa with my sister and we spent the day having treatments and generally lounging about relaxing...before finishing the evening in a lovely restaurant....all part of the Fairmont Hotel in Bermuda. I spent the remainder of the week walking, reading and visiting places of interest, and all in all it was a lovely week.

Summary: Overall, It was my Annus Horribilis...and most of it seems so unreal...