2008 and all that jazz (Looking Back at 2008)

Member Name: duskmaiden

Product:	Looking Back at 2008
Date:	09/01/09 (230 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: new friends, travels, good music

Disadvantages: troubled love life. Pain and heartbreak

"Thirty-one today
What a thing to say
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn"
31 today Aimee Mann


Its that time of year again. It's time for me to reflect on the old year and think about the mew year. 2007 was an easy year to write about as it was a generally good yea but unfortunately 2008 will be a trickier on to review as its been a real emotional joinery for me with love, loss, new friends, travels, and jazz. It has had its highs but an awful lot of lows but I feel I'm a stronger person for it.

January started the year fairly positively. Being the mad person I am I invested my Christmas money in a beginner's course in Polish, which is pretty hard .as the grammar is complicated and the words written look nothing like they sound! My main memory of January was lovely sunny Saturday walking in the Kent countryside with a colleague and her lovely friends. I found a love for the outdoors which I hope to pursue more this year. However the pleasant times were not to last, as January turned to February and my relationship with the love of my life Duskman fell apart.

We had not been living together since January 2007. He was back at his parents saving for a house whilst i was living in another part of London. I began to get more and more independent and used to my own company and little routines , as we saw less and less of each other. At times we were seeing each other a couple of evenings a week. Ii can see the relationship stagnating, as we slowly drifted apart. We did have one last moment of pleasure in January when he took me to Jamie Oliver's restaurant in London. I remember that lovely evening with a seafood risotto and a hazelnut cheesecake but that romantic effort was far too little far too late.

Duskman was unhappy in his job and had been applying for new ones. Things came to a head when he told me he had an interview in Chester. I was shocked and gutted he did not tell me where the jobs were. Chester is a actually quite a nice nice place and its near friend and family but I had moved down to Manchester and London because of him and I did not want to up heave myself again and have to make new friends and find a new job again. I felt that after 12 years together I needed some form of commitment and guarantee, as I did not want to move nor have a long distance relationship but would be prepared to make some sacrifice for the man I loved if he could make some for me.

2008 was a leap year so on the 15 February 9theday after valentines Day) i proposed to Duskman. I knew that it was make or bre4ak time but he wanted time to think about it. I gave him to the weekend then the following Thursday but was disappointed he was thinking about it so much as you either now or you don't know after 12 years. The answer was not good. He loved me but did not feel ready for engagement never mind marriage. I also found out he had applied for a job in Paris and that weekend he was off to Chester with his parents to look around the area. I was gutted. It should have been me going with him to Chester if he seriously loved me. We decided on a month's trail separation. However that night I could not sleep and knew the writing was on the wall. On the 22nd February I decided enough was enough and walked away from our relationship. I it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in all my life. I've seen him three times since w split up and each time has been very hard for me. We are just about on speaking terms but I did canal a Christmas drink with him, as i just want the past to be in the past.

What I do remember about February and March was how nice everyone was to me. I remember being taken out to an art exhibition the day after my split by an older colleague. It was such a nice gesture. I also remember a fantastic night seeing Tony Benn speak in Wimbledon. He's a great orator and a fascinating person. I am really glad I went to see him speak.

I also made new friends after going to a flat warming party at a friend's house. Her friends adopted me and I became an honorary Jew. It's strange as two of them are closer to m now than my original friend. The end of March was my 31st birthday where I invited some friends out to a lovely pizza place in Blackheath. Problem is a lot of my friends live in north west London and getting back from south east London on a Sunday night is fun.

April and May saw me fitba daft. I've never been much of a football fan due to my home town term being Queen of the South. However they did me and Dumfries proud beating Aberdeen in the Scottish cup semi final only to be narrowly beaten by top team Ranger in the cup final. The Aberdeen victory was particularly sweet as I made £25 on the bet I placed that Queens would win.
In April I also went to Manchester to see my sister. This was difficult as Duskman and I had lived there for six years and round every corner there were memories.


April also saw my first taste of jazz a theme that would reoccur throughout the year. I went to see Marti Pellow do a jazz show in one of the West End theatres and he blew me away. He has a wonderful, versatile voice and can do all the greats such as "Summertime" and "I've got You Under my Skin" alongside a stunning version of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song". The only thing that spoiled it for me was the silly cows heckling for Wet Wet Wet songs even though it had been advertised clearly as jazz . Later on n the year I saw another side to the versatile Mr Pellow when he played Darrel Van Horne in the Witches of Eastwick. 2008 was another good year for music and i managed to see a number of bands live including the lovely Pipettes, The Fratellis and my favouite new band of the year Glasvegas. My tip for 2009 is Pete Molinari'. Hes a 20 something singer songwriter whose influences are in early rock and roll, blues and country. I saw him in Camden and he was fabulous. Towards the end of the year I saw Ray Davies s in his new musical "Come Dancing" at Stratford Theatre Royal.

Come May I was thinking about men again and started on a dating website. I went on enough dates with different men throughout the remainder of the year to warrant a full review from Track suit Bottom man to Mr short with bad teeth. However there are to or three gentlemen I did have feeling for. The first was a Scottish guy living in Surrey. On paper he seemed perfect, as he was tall handsome, with a good job and a PHD. I was flattered by his attention but realised we were not suited.

At the beginning of June I had a bout of tonsillitis and was off work. That was when I met perhaps the third love of my life D. D contacted me and I fell instantly in love with his profile. It was witty and charming down to his essential need for Jaffa cakes and pet hates of ignorance and Daily Mail readers. We started chatting on instant messenger and we got on like a house on fire swapping favourite music tracks. D was older and seemed to have impeccable taste in music with doses of punk and cynical songs about relationships. Thanks to D I discovered the wonderful Aimee Mann and also Nick Cave. He was also the proud owner of a rock and roll rodent named after one of the greats of punk rock. June 7th will be a night I will always remember. That was the night D took me out on a magical date that made me feel special and like in an American high school movie. (I am a sucker for them) . D took me to the 606 club, a jazz club in Chelsea where we had a romantic meal of linguine and listened to the jazz holding hands. He looked so nice in his brown cord jacket and me in a summer dress. I thought that this was it. However it could not last On the Monday D's birthday I got home after a very long day and logged in to find a message from him saying that Saturday was a night that he would never forget but he felt we were not suited as a couple. I did not know what to think. I was a bit gutted, as I really liked him but took it in my stride. At least he was honest. June also saw me buy new walking boot and a 14 mile hike along the South Downs.

July was a quiet month. I do remember the Queen coming to Saint Paul's and also around that time the Operation Banner service where we had Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown Camilla and Charles in the same building. What a combination. One of my other memories at work was looking after Boris Johnson's bike and rucksack when he came to an official reception! The end of July saw me heading off back to Scotland for a week to see my parents and catch up with old friends. The highlight of that trip was finding out my best friend from university was expecting her first child. I also remember a lovely drive out into the wilds of Galloway and the peace, quiet and lovely countryside was paradise.

August saw my first of two trips aboard. I went to Antwerp for a short break with an old school friend. I'm a convert to the Eurostar as it is so quick and easy. I'll never forget the hotel for all the wrong reasons but luckily I will remember the little jazz bar we found with good beer, live jazz and nice looking musicians!

September saw more new friends when I replied to an ad on the net from a girl looking for friends for museums, festivals and exhibitions. The girl was a lively Macedonian girl who I instantly liked and through her I met my current partner in crime Neil, who I see a least once a week for cheap cinema visits, jazz and strange film nights.

Back in July D got back in touch and we started seeing each other once a month just as friends. We met up for drinks or a meal. I'll remember our September meeting as he cooked me a lovely meal in his flat and I met the rock and roll rodent. My fondest memory of that evening was half asleep on his couch finding my head on his arm and him not moving away. I think it was then I started to fall deeply in love with him.

November saw the American elections and the first American black president. It also saw me on my travels again. The first stop was a booze filled weekend in a very chilly Newcastle Upon Tyne. A week later I was jetting to Tuscany for a weekend of culture, great coffee and delicious food. I visited a very soggy Pisa where I climbed the leaning tower in a thunder storm and then had a wonderful couple of days exploring the churches and art galleries of Florence. I am a convert to Italian coffee and can not wait to get back to Italy.

December came and so did the works Christmas party. It was one of the best ones I have been to, as we had live cabaret from some of the theatrically minded members of staff, with the bosses beieng good sports and lots of songs and poems with a lot inf in jokes. The came Christmastime and what a Christmas. I will remember it for being one of the worst Christmases ever.

My mum will remember it, as 2008 was the year she spent Christmas in hospital with a broken ankle and then DVT when she should have been in Cyprus for Christmas (as should have been my dad and sister). The 21st December was a night for me to remember, as D and I had an anti Christmas dinner and drinks. It was also the evening I told him about my true feeling for him after he asked why I was still single. I was so happy when he decided he wanted to be with me and I remember lots of frenzied kissing and hand holding. We were like teenagers again, but then deja vu ensued, as it was not to last. D was officially my boyfriend for less than 24 hours. The next day he decided it was a bit of a drunken mistake. This time I was really heartbroken as I was sure he could not have hurt me a second time. I really cared about him and I was smitten. For the first time ever I was truly heartbroken. In a way I took it worse than my split with Duskman, as there was so much potential and so much yet to come. I'm still recovering from D and he's constantly on my mind but we have said goodbye. I feel we can't be just friends ,as I'll always want more and wonder what may have happened. I've never felt more miserable especially on Christmas Eve. Luckily I was working Christmas Day and spent a lovely Christmas night at a colleague's house. As well as Christmas I celebrated Hanukkah with my new friends. It was with these friends and Neil I brought in the New Year at a very sophisticated house party with music, not too much alcohol and a chocolate, Bailey's cheesecake baked by me.

So to 2009 what do I want? I would be lying if i said I did not want love. I do miss having someone special in my life but I'd like it without the pain and heartbreak that characterized 2008. I've decided to remain single until I'm 32 at the end of March and not go looking for love so I can sort my head out. Apart from that I'd like to be happy, see more of my friends, as in 2008 I found out who my true friends were and hopefully to travel more.

2008 goodbye and good riddance.

Summary: One of my most difficult years ever.