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Not my finest minute
Looking Back at 2008
Member Name: pert_abacus
Looking Back at 2008
Advantages: A memory to look back and laugh at
Disadvantages: I need to wash my car
Tonight at 20:08 or 8 minutes past 8 in old money I ran over a cat.
Yup, a cat.
It was a ginger one that had 4 legs, or at least it did up until 8 minutes past 8 o'clock tonight.
It's a real shame that it lost a leg, but having said that it's probably more unfortunate that it also no longer has a head.
Now, I don't generally make a habit of running over other peoples house hold pets or in fact over my own household pets (as long as we ignore the 'Fluffy incident of 1984, the mysterious disappearance of 'Mr Tibbles' in 2003 and the hamster campaign of 2001 - 2007) so I wasn't exactly sure how to handle the small matter of informing the cats owners.
The owners live just 3 doors down the street, they're a lovely family, new to the area, have a couple of kids and used to own a ginger cat.
Yesterday they invited the wife and me to pop round for a drink and we had a fairly pleasant time until the cat was let into the lounge. It got very excited by my wifes coat which is one of those new ones you might have seen on the home shopping channel that has half a dozen balls of string attached so that you can knit on the go. Now the wife is mildly allergic to cats (and asparagus but's thats a tale for a different time) so when the cat started getting fussy she became quite upset and following a mild altercation, some spilt red wine (or possibly blood, who can say) and a heated exchange we left.
Unfortunately it was only when we got home that I realised that I'd left my trousers behind so I had to leave my sneezing wife trying to climb into the house (my door keys were in my trouser pocket and my wife never carries keys when she isn't wearing underwear to avoid confusion) and head back to the neighbours house.
I discovered upon my arrival that the neighbours had wrapped their shaken & wine stained cat up in the nearest available material which just happened to be my size 24 trousers (yes, sometimes I wear large womens trousers to make myself feel like an overweight lady with low self esteem) and had taken him to the vet.
The neighbours kids were still in though so I waited with them, watching alleged childrens tv that looked more like soft porn to me, what with all the nipples and erections that were on show, and eventually the neighbours and cat came back and I gleefully accepted the return of my trousers. Unfortunately it transpired that the cat had, whilst wrapped up in my trousers, managed to swallow my house keys.
On the plus side my neighbours allowed me to have a copy of the x-ray that showed the keys inside the cat along with a vets bill of £765 plus VAT. They also invited me to pop over to their garden whenever I wanted to so that I could sift through their cats faeces until the keys returned.
Having slept in the car last night as I couldn't get into the house and my wife had decided to spend a day or two resting with our good friend Francoise (see my review of French transgender prostitues 'Ooh la la lady-rent-boys' for more info) I was very hungry and tired and, it's fair to say, slightly seething with an uncanny rage and hatred towards felines this evening when I saw the creature wander up the road and squat on my front lawn. I waited patiently whilst it did it's business and then chased it away so that I could have a nose around. My keys had not surfaced.
So, wanting to be able to get back into my house to shower, shave, mess about on Dooyoo etc I thought 'sod this for a lark', jumped into my car and ran the bloody (literally) cat over. They sure can move when their lives are threatened I can tell you.
Still, alls well that ends well. I've got my keys back, my wife will return sooner or later, we've had a few laughs with the neighbours and I've just ordered a book on Amazon for them all about how to talk to your kids about the death of a pet. I've also just agreed to help their little girl put up posters around our estate. Something about a missing cat I think....
Summary: The moral to the story is keep your trousers on kids