We're better than you. Hah. (Manchester United F.C.)

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Product:	Manchester United F.C.
Date:	18/09/01 (94 review reads)
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Advantages: Eric Cantona used to play for them... but then I'd have to give that advantage to all the other teams he played for, so that's not really one, Every player is talanted, Sir Alex Ferguson, Jim Ryan, (Choccy's back) Albert the Kit man, et al.

Disadvantages: I tend to babble on a bit when I write about football... (and I'm no good at paragraphs), When Sir Alex leaves, what we gonna do? Capello, Cantona, Maradona?

Manchester United are the greatest. You know, the pride of all Europe, the cock of the North. There’s only one of them, y’see, only one United. Two would be ridiculous – unless you’re talking about the reserve and youth teams, because they’re still United. MUFC. Manchester United Football Club. Manchester United on the badge. Or plain Old Man U, if you know them as that. We’re the best. Simply. We’re the best at everything, and you can’t deny it. We have the best home (Old Trafford, aka ‘The Theatre Of Dreams’), the best manager, the best supporters (me, and all the others out there who think they’re the biggest fans, but me, really) and of course, the best teams. Who else could have a line up with the likes of Nobby Stiles, Peter Schmeichel, ERIC CANTONA (big and shouty capitals, because Eric’s just the bestest ever, and I love him), Georgie Best, Denis Law, and even those like Choccy, who aren’t the BEST, but just brilliant, for the sakes of character, in their best ever X1. Betcha you’re team doesn’t. We’re the pride of Singapore, too, not just Europe. You were wondering when I was going to bring up how Manchester City’s chant backfired, didn’t you? Our pre-season tours are the best for showing off the likes of up-and-coming stars such as Paul Rachubka, and working out Fabien Barthez’s prospects for playing on the wing in the number seven shirt, and we still manage to play the little English clubs back home. Oh, there’s so much. So much to follow, so much to see, and so many songs to sing. It’s a religion, really, it is. Spelt: M-U-F-C. You’ve seen the shrines, the one for David Beckham, and the beautiful painting of Eric Cantona, alongside the ‘kids’. If this ink wasn’t black, it would be red, with splashes of white and to distinguish it. MU wasn’t set up purposely for religion, for members of that religion t
o follow. ‘Twas in the days of old when Manchester United was born. You know, as Newton Heath Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway cricket and football club, when matches were played on North Road, and players were still addressed as ‘Mr Jones’ or ‘Mr Smith’. 1878, to be exact. Then, we became Manchester United, won the FA Cup in 1909, and the dear beloved mascot drank to much and died. Ah, those were the days, eh? If only I could remember ‘em.

Now we have Fred-The-Red, and we’ve come a long way, been through a lot, and I’m not just talking in terms of club mascots. I’m talking about everything. There have been some ups and downs, like with most football clubs, but we’ve always recovered in the end. The Munich Air crash, for one. A huge, huge disaster, and not just to do with the loss of Duncan Edwards and the other stars that died that winter’s night in 1958, but everyone. Every single person of those twenty-three. It was based around the club, but everyone was affected, really. Now even, after seeing the ‘tribute’ at the Old Trafford museum, it makes me feel sad, and I wasn’t even born, not that that really makes a huge amount of difference, really. Then, Sir Matt Busby, the man Sir Matt Busby Way was named after, built on everything, and in 1968, two years after England won the World Cup, United lifted the European one. Years later (*HUGE GRIN*) in 1999, it happened again. You all know about it, don’t you? Edward “Teddy: Came to United and won the lot” Sheringham, and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer both scored in extra time, and the game was ours. Blink, and you would have missed it. Bet you’re glad you didn’t go and make that consolation cup of tea now, aren’t you? I was there – the atmosphere was great, the Nou Camp was great, everything about it was great, and it was the best day/night ever. Oh, how glad I was when I saw they had to take the
cup back up to the stands and change the colours from Bayern’s to United’s. Sigh. United “reached the promised land” that night, as Clive Tydesley rightly told those of you not lucky enough to be there. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, it was. Most of the players are still in the team now, with a few exceptions. Fergie’s “You can’t do anything with kids”, kids, who weren’t really kids by that stage, and the golden not so old oldies like Denis Irwin and David May, who may not be getting the football they got then, but they’re still there. They’re what I want to write about anyway. The current team, even though it might be a bit boring to those who’ve read millions of opinions already on the subject. But anyway, ignore the above, if you want, because that was supposed to be a rather brief introduction that went on too long, and start again. Apologies for the length this is going to take up, and all that, so (in a big Geoffrey Chaucer from ‘A Knight’s tale’ (although I do know he was real, and everything) sort of way), here’s my opinion.

Goalkeepers:

You probably already know that it was a hard struggle for Manchester United to find a goalkeeper after Peter Schmeichel departed to Sporting Lisbon. There were many flops, who were great names on paper, but didn’t fit in well enough with the Manchester United team. They simply didn’t perform, Mark Bosnich, who had the longest ‘reign’ of the goalkeeper’s gloves, and the Italian Taibi, being the two most recognised. But you know, in most cases (a big ‘ahem’ at the way Stam’s just left) when a player doesn’t perform, that Ferguson will get rid of him, and that’ll generally be the right decision. Sir Fergie brought Fabien Barthez into the squad, and after being shunted into the third position, Bosnich left, demanding first team football. To be honest, Bos
nich was less of a loss than the first time he left Manchester United to go to Aston Villa ten years before, because we had Barthez. And we still do. Talking of ‘fitting in’, you really need to at Old Trafford, otherwise it just won’t work. There were doubts that Barthez would do, he was put across by the media as an ignorant fellow, after saying that he wouldn’t let any of the Manchester United players kiss the top of his head before matches, as Laurent Blanc did (and they haven’t since his arrival to the Man Utd defence, either), before their French Internationals. Oh, but you see Barthez has fitted in; he’s fitted in perfectly. He’s got such a laid back and relaxed attitude to his job, that you might have been worried, but he’s so consistent. His style of play is quite a bit like Schmike’s really, which I suppose helps greatly, not in the sense that he’s big and bossy, but more so in the way how he comes far out of the area, and plays in a very up-front position for a goalie to do. He’s had few poor matches since he’s been here, the main one sticking in my head being against West Ham last year, when Paulo di Canio scored that goal very easily in the FA Cup. People have criticised his recent play, saying that he hasn’t been on form, but he has, because really, the whole team hasn’t been as good as they could have been. 4-3 to Newcastle, see what I mean?

Raimond Van Der Gouw came in after Euro ’96, along with the other four ‘stars’ of the tournament: Ronny Johnson, Karel Poborsky, Jordi Cruyff and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. He’s the current #2 for Manchester United, and has been on-off since he arrived, and all though I can’t see him competing strongly for the first goalkeeper position, I can see him keeping second place until the new arrival from Wigan, Northern Ireland’s Roy Carroll, gets on his feet… and who knows how long that could
take? Still, we have Paul Rachubka and Nicky Culkin if we need ‘em.

Defence:

Oh dear. The current weak link in the Manchester United side, especially since Jip Jaap Stam’s left for the Lazio, after the controversial things he said in his autobiography. Ok, so lets leave him, for now – he shouldn’t have gone, is what I say, and that is that, we now have Laurent Blanc, who we paid a little price for, and yeh, he’s getting on a bit, really. He’s sort of the man that let us down last Saturday, against Newcastle, not being able to keep up with the pace of Bellamy (who, dare I say it, him being a Newcastle player, is reasonable (edging towards very, because I couldn’t say a Newcastle player is very) good. Ah, you know, we haven’t seen much of yet, but I don’t think he’s going to gel, really. Perhaps, just perhaps, he might have been bought for him name, I don’t know.

The next defender to talk about would have to be Wesley Brown. He’s got so much talent, and it was very disappointing to see him out last year with injury, just after his debut season, as that looked like the one he was going to strongly improve in. Wes Brown has got that certain ability to make everything look so easy. He’s probably the strongest defender at the moment, but doesn’t seem to get much credit for it, as unfortunately isn’t all that consistent, which is bad. Hopefully, soon, he might break into the England first team, despite Rio Ferdinand and Sol Campbell being the main centre-half players, giving him a bit more experience.

I like Philip Neville, I think he’s rather good. His only let down, is the amount of games he gets, not his form, because when he gets a long run of games, he usually performs excellently in most of them. Unfortunately, for him, but good at the same time for Manchester United, Mikael Silvestre also plays brilliantly on the left, in that same k
ind of attacking position. Both of the players push forward well, which is great, ‘cos y’know, attacking generally means more goals, unless your striker/midfielders aren’t on good form. The recent problems with United’s defence (which really ‘opened’ out last season) seems to have affected Phil more than Mikael, and Mikael’s found an opportunity to break through a get more games, doing well.

Oh. Mr. Consistent. Gary Neville. One of those players who get matches week-in-week out, and benefit the team in a huge way. Gary, like his brother, is excellent when the rest of the team’s playing at it’s best, which really should be right, as football is a team game (as King Eric once said: “If I wanted individual glory, I would have taken up an individual sport”). But in the last few games for Manchester United (because for England he’s been on top of his game) I’ve seemed to notice he’s had some trouble in the defending side of things, being brilliant linking up with Beckham on the right wing, but not so good at getting back and tackling. Which isn’t very good, when you play in defence.

And the other defenders fighting for places? Well David May’s still running around somewhere at Gigg Lane (home of MUFC reserves), and even though Irwin’s leaving Manchester United at the end of the year (which is awful, because Irwin’s one of the best defenders at United, but doesn’t get the credit) he’s here, as is Ronny Johnson.

Midfielders:

Ooh, the list of names in the Manchester United midfield makes me happy. I shiver with excitement at the thought of Beckham, Giggs, Keane and Veron running on to the pitch together. Sheesh, it’s strong. You saw us against Everton, didn’t you? Wasn’t the substitute’s bench just packed full of World Class players? Oh, it’s all great isn’t it? There’s the other
s too, Quentin Fortune, who came a while ago and although not getting bucket loads of games for United, his name’s recognised as a very good player. Nicky Butt, the first out of the famous fledglings to break through into the first team, is there when you need him, and Luke Chadwick when he gets a chance to get into the team, can be super. He can go all over the place, y’know – left and right wing. He can kick with both feet, and does some super brilliant runs, pushing forward, making space so that he can then feed the ball through to those willing to take it. Michael Stewart’s (with the risk of sounding like Wallace from ‘Wallace and Gromit’) just grand too, he got the ‘substitute of the year’ award, rightly deserved, and the Swedish Bojan Djordic was very impressive in the pre-season friendly against Bury.

But then you get to the big’uns. The highly recommended by me footballers. The new arrival of Juan Sebastian Veron (“there’s only Juan Sebastian Veron”) for £28million, although it may seem like a lot of money (which literally, it is), it’s a bargain. I think Real Madrid are fools, paying £47m for Zidane really. We’ve got two of the best midfielders now, with Juan and Keaney, and together, they’re superb. Go out of your way to see Juan play, bow down to the man. Simply, without sounding boastful or anything, he’s a class, class player, and if you’ve seen him, you’ll probably know that many of the players in the Premiership, and these are top clubs we’re talking about, find it hard to keep up with him. I suppose, it would be hard if you were playing against him not too stand and stare in amazement, because that’s what I would do. He makes space, takes the opposition away from Beckham and Giggs, giving them the room to do their magic, has the most accurate pass ever, and even then he’s got a beautiful volley on him. He’s the
only Juan, y’see, and how I love the pronunciation of his name.

Oh Keano. Keano, Keano, Keano. Please don’t think that I don’t love Roy Keane as much, now we’ve got Juan. Because, Keano is still as good as he ever was, he’s still the same, he’s still wonderful, and his signs of aggressiveness still show up at times. You may think it’s bad, but in a way, it’s good. Very good. Because Roy Keane wouldn’t be Roy Keane without his hard man touch. It’d be like Crumpets without Marmite. It’s nice aggression, in a way; it suits him as a footballer. Great tackles that he always wins – goes in with a crunch and gets the ball. He’s so inspirational, because he leads with such pride, and is always determined to win. He gets angry if we don’t, and he tells the other players off. You know, he’s Keane, and he’s brilliant. He has a magic hat, and can do anything, but hopefully he’ll stay at Manchester United, because seeing him at Celtic, even though I have nothing against Celtic, where he would like to go, just wouldn’t seem right.

Paul Scholes has to be one of the most complete players there are around, and of course, even though he sometimes plays in a follow up role to the attackers, he’s still counted as a midfielder. Alex Ferguson was right when he said Scholes would be the best man to partner Ruud Van Nistlerooy.. Scholesy has that way of being able to pick up any lose balls and run them forward, unlike some midfielders do. Beckham can’t do it as well, because Beckham as an attacker is completely, completely different to Scholes as a midfielder, even if they all add up and fit in correctly in the end. At the moment, Scholes is probably, though it’s very hard to make a judgement, the most needed player at United (not the best, though I’m not denying he’s up there with the best of them) because of his link up play, and the
way he can feed balls so easily to the front line.

Beckham and Giggsy. Sheesh. Between them, they probably have two of the best goals of the recent years. Beckham’s famous half-way line one (which has been done again in League football, but by a Scunthorpe player, I think, so didn’t get as much credit) was excellent, it didn’t show off his skill really, you didn’t see any of his running, or his crossing, but that goal portrayed what Beckham is. He’s still an excellent free-kick taker, although it looks like he may face competition this year from Juan Veron, and really, that’s his trademark. He’s scored some great free kicks, in his time. Beckham is always criticised for reasons outside football, but, you know, I think he’s just a genuine man, who gets so much unnecessary rubbish. He’s also criticised for the amount of goals he scores. Considering his role in the team is to provide the ball into the centre, from the wing and he does this brilliantly, that criticism should rarely be given. Ryan Giggs has the same sort of role in the team – pushing forward, although his is different to Beckham’s in the sense that he takes the ball further in, often scoring. He’s an owner to one of those goals that are recognised as ‘that goal’, too. The one against Arsenal not last year, but the year before, in the FA Cup Semi. It was brilliant – a dribble from the half-way line, past all those players and still managing to slot the ball in the back of the net, perfectly at the end of it all. It’s really amazing to think that Ryan Giggs has been in the Manchester United first team, consistently, for ten years now. And he’s only twenty-seven, so hopefully he’s got a good few more years to come.

Forwards:

So, lets go back a while – to 1997. Eric Cantona retired, when at the top of his game, and Sir Alex Ferguson brought Teddy Sheringham in from Tott
enham. Teddy’s had a great few years. The first season he was here, maybe not as much – his very first match was against Spurs, and he missed a penalty. United didn’t win anything that season, either. Perhaps it had something to do with the spirit and influence of Eric (le Roi) not being there. Over the next few years, Sheringham must have had a good time – he won the treble, in ’99, being one of the key players in both the European Final, and the FA cup final, and was consistent throughout the Premiership season. Last season, Sheringham proved what he had in him, being one of Manchester United’s top scorers, especially at the beginning of the season. But he came, he conquered and now he’s gone again – back to Tottenham. We love him still, though.

And now Ferguson’s bought Ruud Van Nistlerooy from PSV, for £19million after a long time waiting whilst he was recovering from a knee injury that prevented him for signing for us last season. Ruud is what we need right now: someone who is a not just a great accurate finisher, who can score 9/10 times he gets a chance to, but also can collect the ball and at the same time, set up the goal for others. He’s great – really, he is, and as I said before, he’s a brilliant partner for Scholesy.

It’ll be harder this year for the other forwards to get through, mainly because Sir Alex has been, and says he will be, playing a 4-4-1-1 formation, instead of the usual Manchester United 4-4-2, to get the Van Nistlerooy/Scholes partnership up and running. Yorke will probably be the second one player to get a chance, as he used the pre-season tour and pre-season friendlies to prove that he’s back on track. Last season wasn’t too good for him, after the season before’s excellent play. He didn’t live up to expectations – he wasn’t the Yorke we wanted, and needed. Dwight is one of those all round players –
he’s strong; he’s a great passer; brilliant in the air and can finish wonderfully. He’s back in rhythm; he’s shown what he can do, and hopefully he’ll stay at United for the time being – instead of looking elsewhere.

Andy Cole’s future, however brilliant I think he is, doesn’t look to good at United. When you see Cole play alongside the best, you’ll notice that even though he’s not the best of finishers (he’s always being criticised for that – you know – the “Cole can’t score on big occasions” talk) he’s very fast, and can get round defenders. Ole Gunnar, is probably the complete opposite to Coley – which is why they worked well together that first season Ole arrived at Old Trafford. Ole’s the perfect finisher, all he really needs is someone to give him the ball, and it’s more than likely that it’ll be in the opposition’s net. He’s also brilliant at finding space, and reads the game excellently – when Ole’s playing – you’ll probably know he’ll always be at the end of a cross.

Daniel Nardiello and Ben Muirhead, two youth/reserve team players look very promising for the attacking front, too.

Oh, that’s it, I think. All covered. Except really, to say a tiny little bit about Sir Alex Ferguson, who’s now in his final season as manager for this club. Quite simply, he’s the best we could have wanted over the time he’s been here – he’s done his job, and he’ll be fondly remembered. His main point, really, is that he can build up special relationships with the players, and he does so, especially with the younger players, who he knows will succeed. He has an eye for talent, he’s picked the best – he’s been the best. He is hugely what has made Manchester United the best. Unfortunately though, I’m not sure we’ll win
the Premiership this season, mainly because Liverpool look too strong (Pahh, and the likes – I think I’ve already explained my hatred of Liverpool, before). However, never mind the Premiership for now, although it would be nice to win four years in a row. Hopefully, Manchester United might be able to win the European Cup again, providing they sort out the defence (Bring back Bruce and Pally, is what I says). Y’know, that would be good.

noodle.gorillaz2001©

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