Shall I buy my hat? (Marriage - Is it outdated?)

Name: pearlydewdrop

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Product:	Marriage - Is it outdated?
Date:	25/06/08 (143 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Constant companionship, shared finances, sex on tap

Disadvantages: Constant unwanted companionship, shared finances, sex on tap not when you want it

This is a slightly odd idea, i think- Is marriage outdated? Marriage, to me, is given meaning only by the couple who decide to marry or decide instead to co-habit. What I mean is, marriage is a subjective thing, and is neither a right or wrong way of conducting a relationship.


I am married, but before meeting my husband I was not remotely interested in marrying the first guy I met and settling down. Marriage, as an institution, is not especially important to me, and I certainly would have hated to throw an expensive party just to mark the event! To me, the essential componants to a sucessful relationship are love and respect, and maybe marriage is simply a formal way of expressing this commitment to cherish and support the love of your life. Marriage in itself is pretty meaningless, especially in this modern age of female emancipation.


Marriage to me is a personal thing. In the case of my relationship, our love is secured in a day when we 'officially' pledged ourselves to each other. I like the fact that I have my husband and my daughters surname, and that as such, we are a family unit. I would never disparage families where surnames are different; that is personal choice of course. Im just saying that in my case, I adored my husband and wanted to take his name. Im more secure knowing that we are legally bound, and Im touched that he reciprocated my love for me by wanting to 'tie' himself to me in this formal way.


I think, then, that modern marriage comes in many guises, and that the individual couples 'tying the knot' define the meaning and significance of their vows. Equally, some peoples 'partnerships', without a marriage certificate, are living examples of model relationships and the love those couples share. I therefore feel that a marriage certificate is not the be all and end of of a happy and fulfilling relationship.


However, heres my honest take on marriage proposals, refusals and acceptances. If I did not accept a marriage proposal I would be lying if I said I didnt have significant doubts about that person as a longterm partner. Thats me. Equally, if I proposed to someone and they turned me down, I would have to question that persons commitment to me...thats the way I am. Maybe Im the product of a happy and loving 46 year marriage, and I see it with rose-tinted glasses?! Of course a bad experience of marriage in the first, second, even the third instance would surely put a dampener on the prospect of future bethroval!


We all know that marriage, as a practical measure, is a bit surplus to requirements now. Women are often primary wage earners in households, and would not stand to gain much financially from marrying their man. In some instances, marriage is more of an incumberance, complicating relationships that might otherwise run smoothly; for example, some couples cringe at the thought of a joint bank account and enjoy an independence that is hard to maintain in married life. I actually love having a joint account, and thrive on sharing everything between my husband and I- he's my family, whats mine is his and whats his is mine (treading carefully with that phrase !!!).


To be honest, I didnt believe in true love before I met my husband, and was shocked when I fell so deeply. I wasnt like some women who look endlessly for affection and love, just dying to marry the first elligible bloke who turns up- Im not intrinsically a romantic, and couldnt believe that I would meet my soulmate. Marriage was right for my man and I, because it felt right, and we were meant to be together. I dont have a lot of time for predestination, but its weird when the love you have for someone is that intense that you feel that the whole universe has conspired to ensure your meeting! My husband even says now that he'd happily have been a batchelor for the rest of his life, until he met me and knew what love was- its bittersweet because you only know what youve missed when love bounds into your life. Its true, I was quite contented on my own- any old relationship would have been a drain on me, and id rather have been free and single that tied to a dead weight of a man.


Marriage then is what you make it. It isnt always a success, because binding two individuals together in a contract of love and companionship is a precarious situation. Marriage is a constant balancing act- fighting the human need for self-satisfaction with the responsibility youve pledged to another person. Yes, another soul with distinct and separate needs from your own. By God, marriage aint easy. Its so difficult at times, but Im happy sharing my life with my man. Marriage is only outdated if you let it be, and if you dont give it the time and devotion it requires.


Each to their own though, as always!

Summary: Marriage is what you make it