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Love is all you need...or is it?
Marriage - Is it outdated?
Member Name: Mama-Q
Marriage - Is it outdated?
Advantages: love is all you need :P
Disadvantages: i can't think of any
I've been married for three years. I don't believe that marriage is at all outdated. I don't really care about other people's opinions on the subject matter as, at the end of the day, it's up to the two people in a relationship to decide how they want to progress that relationship. If they want to live unmarried together till the rest of their days, so be it! If they want to be married then good luck to both couples. Being in a relationship is hard enough without all the latest stigma on what people should or shouldn't be doing with their lives.
Personally I think people should be married if they have the ingredients of a good relationship - and WANT to be married. I have previously written about my ex boyfriend. Well, he was completely against marriage and did not want to be married. Could I have been happy to live like that? No. And at the end of the day I'm glad I didn't compromise myself to suit him. I'm glad I got out of that poor relationship and into my marriage.
I think it comes down to the individuals to make the decision because it is a life changing one, let me tell you! In a good way, of course, but a massive decision nonetheless and I think few too people actually take the time to think it all through and let their hearts completely guide them. This ends up in people not making it work and ending in divorce - I know not all divorces are a result of this, keep your hats on.
I think as well with the twatty behaviour of some celebrities getting married and then divorced days later it just makes marriage into a joke. I take it very seriously and quite frankly after my ex cheated on me, broke my heart and totally screwed me over I didn't see myself trusting anyone ever again and didn't see myself getting married. Of course, as that's not life, I got over his crap and found someone better. It didn't take me too long to get over the way he treated me if I'm honest because I'd been putting up with his rubbish behaviour for a while, I was just so relieved when it did end that I found myself 'free' for the first time in years.
I can't even imagine how crap a divorce must feel for someone who truly wanted their marriage to work, did all they could or thought their partner was someone else entirely. As for these celebs who rush into things head first it proves they are human after all - they can and will make the same mistakes as we do. Cut us and we all bleed red.
For myself I was 22 when I got engaged. I remember thinking I was positively over the hill, which just makes me laugh to think of now! My husband had just turned 22 himself and by the time we got married I was 23. I felt absolutely ancient. Looking back now I don't wish I had waited longer to get married (we were engaged in December and married by early February! Lol.) I also don't wish for a big fancy pants wedding - my own wedding was low key, but perfect.
My husband is the ideal kind of husband I would want. Gorgeous, sensible, caring, loving, open minded and very accepting of me and my many faults ;). Do we fight? Yes. Do we fall out? Yes. But the point is we WANT to make it work. And that's what counts.
On top of this you have to completely open, honest and loyal. One little white lie can sometimes lead to bigger lies and on top of these lies we can find ourselves justifying all kinds of behaviour. Me and my ex-boyfriend used to lie to each other all the time and were absolutely not honest about what we wanted, but we plodded along for years because we didn't want to hurt the other person. All that did was lead to more hurt, which was the very thing we were trying to avoid. And to be honest I think this is what lead him to cheating on me - he told himself it would be okay to sleep with this other person behind my back, that no one would be hurt because she didn't mean as much as I did.
Well, I got hurt. And it made me lose trust in him and lose faith in our future. I couldn't go through that again and so I re-trained myself to be more honest, more open and allow myself to voice what I actually wanted from a relationship. Meeting someone else who could do this was a happy coincidence.
I think there is far too much pressure from all around us when it comes to relationships - it can sometimes feel like we're in our own personal 'Big Brother' show - but the point is that over the years you learn to tune out all the crap and just listen to each other - and at the end of the day, that's who makes a relationship. So if people want to think marriage is outdated, let them. For me, though, it is definitely on trend :).