Having and holding. (Marriage - Is it outdated?)

Member Name: peel.rebekah

Product:	Marriage - Is it outdated?
Date:	25/07/01 (559 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I'm married to the man I love, what else can I say?

Disadvantages: I'll let you know in about twenty years.

Remember that first time? When you looked into his/her eyes; you saw your raw emotions reflected there and knew...you were in love...

And then what?

Did you break up? Were you too young? Did he/she break the eternal promises that you had given to each other? OR...Did you move in together? Did you pledge yourself to the romance and then find out the dreariness of rent/mortgage payments and the pervading stench of morning breath? Are you still together? Do you still love your partner in the same way as when you first looked into their eyes? Does your heart still whack when they come home late? Does the green eyed monster occasionally snipe at your heels when a member of your own sex (or the other) makes fluttery lashes at your lover?

Why so many questions? Well, you see, I'm kinda confused:

I have doubts about the questions posed in this category, because, as it seems to me, people fall in love. Quite a lot, in fact. Perhaps every minute of the day. Maybe every second.

Sometimes, we've got strange ulterior motives; occasionally, it's kinda Freudian; most of the time, we find out that we're wrong, that it ain't REALLY love, but a heavy dose of lustiness that had us itching in the knicker department. And then, once in a while, it's the REAL THING, like Coke, but not so sure to give you tooth decay.

And some (maybe even most) of those people who have finally stumbled into true love, will want to celebrate their love in one fashion or another.

Maybe I'm reading this category wrong.

Maybe I should be talking about the decline of pearl white meringue couture, and the rise of living in sin in the eyes of the church. But that's a little silly too, isn't it? Because, you see, some people have faith, and others don't, right? So some people will want to celebrate their love within their faith, and others will choose to celebrate within their family/friends units. r><br>
Let me start this again: People live with people. That's good, most of the time, as you get to learn a little about this prospective life partner. You get to know the BAD things (the continual penis scratching while watching the TV, the need to buy a car magazine at least once a month, seriously nasty nose picking habits (and where he hides the bogies) etc. etc.). These are insights that could, later, make or break this one 'eternal' love...you know, like finding out he has a penchant for your pants...this might not have gone down too well had this only come to light on your honeymoon night, right? So living together is a good thing...

...And a bad thing.

My, where has all that excitement, romance and discovery dissipated itself to? The intrigue finds itself amongst his dirty, stinking socks that are flung on the floor before he climbs into bed. The anticipation has long since got bored and left home due to too many missionary position nights and not enough love on the staircase. The romance has long since expired like the first red rose he bought you to proclaim his love.

You know, sometimes I really envy my mother (my grandmothers etc.). They discovered everything SLOWLY, with time, once they had DECIDED that this was the man of their dreams: I discovered all of this before (eight years of living (on and off) with my partner) our marriage, and sometimes (just sometimes, mind you), I wish I could enter into this grand game of revelations once again.

So, some people live together, forever, without a little piece of paper that changes their names and their economic standing. And that's just dandy. They're happy.

And maybe - just like a friend of mine, who happens to be 75 and has lived in 'sin' with her lover for nigh on fifty years - just maybe, one day they will want to celebrate their love (she married her partner, 86, just one month ago).

I read another opinion on th
is subject which seemed to deem it naughty or in bad taste to want to use a wedding as an excuse for a party.

Hmnn; imagine what a boring life this would be if we never celebrated anything we did in it: Nope, you can't turn 18, because that will mean you'll get loads of cards and presents and stuff (usually plastic silver painted key thingies), and that's not right (?). Can't celebrate the birth of a child either, as you are obviously exploiting the kindness of others (and the absolute cuteness of your progeny). Tshh, you've passed an exam? So what? And you've fallen so deeply in love and found the one person in this world that touches your heart? And you want to share THAT with us? You're having me on, you're only in it for the free toaster, I know.

See what I mean?

Because whether you choose to jump over a broomstick, pledge your undying allegiance in the house of the lord or have a quickie in the registry office, this is a CELEBRATION of your love. And somehow I don't see love going out of fashion in a hurry, therefore I can surmise that marriage, in one shape, form or another, will be with us for a little while yet.

Now is is outdated in the terms of the language? Well that kind of depends on which language you go with, doesn't it? And as most institutions, beaches, helicopters etc. let you write your own words of everlasting love, then surely it is only outdated if you choose a more traditional route, i.e. a synagogue, temple or a church. And if you have chosen this route to begin with, then I am to assume you're a traditional kinda lad/laddess at the kick off.

Fair enough, bad things about marriage? Well, that depends on whether or not you've made the right decision, doesn't it? Sometimes there is a public outcry at just how easy it is to file for a divorce; personal stories I've heard from those who made discoveries about their partners too late and then tri
ed to rectify the situation to the loss of their houses, their job, their money and their children...well, they tell a different story. Marriage doesn't bring you a clear cut insurance that your partner will never cheat and leave you, but then, what in life can? My brother in law divorced in under one year; his beautiful wife that had been living with him for four years previous, decided she was really in love with another. On the day that the divorce papers came through, he (very distraught) rang his ex wife, only to be told that she was in labour with the other man's child. Ouch, that hurt.

Marriage can bore the living tits off of you, and can also spawn a deeper love and understanding...because you have stood there, in front of witnesses, proclaiming your love? Because of that little piece of paper you nervously signed twenty years ago? No: because you made these vows and now you're gonna stick by them. This means that you're there through the good times and the bad, and you learn and love through both.

If you want to be a sucker for the financial/family(children)/economic security; well, it ain't always held within those everlasting prose of l'amour: Nothing in this life is certain. You or your partner may change considerably through your lives, but this is when marriage can get really interesting:

This is the time to grow together, to learn again and to trust once more.

Have I missed the point? I don't know.

I got married last year after rediscovering my first and only true love. We married in Scotland (in the childhood town of my grandfather) in a registry office. We exited to a shower of rice and one helluva big party, where everyone got stoked as the night is long and danced their merry kilts off. It was good. And we celebrated :o)