Love and Marriage...or ball and chain? (Marriage - Is it outdated?)

Member Name: magpie

Product:	Marriage - Is it outdated?
Date:	27/07/01 (457 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Committment, Legal advantages

Disadvantages: Divorce is on the increase still

Marriage -- an old fashioned institution? Or a relevant modern statement. In this opinion, I'm first going to give you some statistics about marriages, and then discuss them, what they mean for modern marriage, and my own thoughts on marriage.

First -- the statistics (www.statistics.gov.uk is my source).


In 1989 there were 346,697 marriages, and 150,872 divorces.

In 1999, there were 263,515 marriages, and 144,556 divorces.

These statistics alone demonstrate that marriage as an institution is changing. The number of marriages per year has fallen by nearly a quarter in ten years, yet the number of divorces has stayed approximately the same.

The places in which we get married has also changed. In 1989 there were 166,651 civil ceremonies, as compared to 180,046 religious ceremonies. By 1999 this had changed to 162,679 civil ceremonies, and 100,836 religious ceremonies. Another new trend is the licensed venue -- instead of a drab registry office, you can get married (a la Madonna) in a castle, or any number of other venues. In 1999, one fifth of civil marriages were at these licensed venues, and since their introduction in 1995, the number of these types of ceremonies has been doubling each year.

The age at which we get married has also been changing. In 1989 the average age of bridegrooms was 27.7 years old, in 1999 it was 31.6 (a rise of nearly 4 years), and the average age of brides has also increased by 4 years -- in 1989 it was 25.6, in 1999 it was 29.4.

So what does this tell us about marriage today? The average bride and bridegroom are older, probably getting married in a registry office, and will probably get divorced within 5 years.

The fall in the number of religious ceremonies has co-incided with a rise in the percentage of divorces. This could be taken as evidence that a church marriage has a better chance of success. However, I suspect that both of these numbers are a
consequence of a change in society away from the spiritual, towards the secular.

So those are the numbers -- what has actually physically changed. But what do I think about marriage?

Before I let you in on my thoughts, I'd better tell you what my own position is. I got married nearly 2 years ago, in a church ceremony. It was mine and my hubbies first (and we hope!) and only time. I was 23, he was 24, so we were both younger than the average. And so far, we have been very happy :0)

From my position then, you won't be suprised that I think marriage is a good idea. I feel it has given our relationship a concrete base, something on which to build the rest of our lives. Of course there are problems from time to time, but as we have made a committment to each other, we know that there is space to sort out the problems. That probably doesn't make alot of sense, but what I am trying to say, is that because of the security of the committment, there is no fear of the consequences of honest communication. Things are different since we were married -- we don't speak to his parents for one thing (long story! when will dooyoo have a section on problem in-laws?)!! But things are good for us.

What about for everyone else? I think that there is value in being able to declare your love in front of the world. Its more than saying 'hands-off, he's mine', its telling the world that you are a partnership.

I also think that there are huge legal problems if you don't get married. Do you know that if you are co-habiting, and have a child, the father has very few rights unless you are married? Or that your partner cannot decide if your organs should be donated (in the case of a tragic accident), or that they don't automatically inherit in the case of your death?

Getting married can solve these irritating things, though that is obviously just a bonus, and not a reason!

There is t
he issue of homosexual marriages too, (and transexual). I strongly believe that there should be civil ceremonies that can legally bind two people, regarless of their gender, orientation etc. Whether there should be religious ones, is a more tricky issue, and should be up to the individual establishment. It is wrong that anyone should be discrimited against because of who they love.

So in summary, the nature of marriage is changing, but I still think it is a useful, relevant institution.

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