Chris, Will you marry me? (Marriage - Is it outdated?)

Member Name: chele2002

Product:	Marriage - Is it outdated?
Date:	17/09/01 (200 review reads)
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Marriage huh! A tricky subject for some and many do their best to avoid it or change the subject should it arise.

So what did I feel about marriage in the past? And what do I feel about marriage now?

My first experience of marriage came from my grandparents and parents.


My Grandparents
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When I was a little child we often went to visit our grandparents and on a few occasions stayed the night. As I grew older I began to realise that my grandparents marriage was not the happy ever after kind that was portrayed for all those years. I think I was around 7 years old when I began to realise that my grandparents were in fact sleeping in separate rooms. I don’t know if they just grew apart or whether they had lost just the physical side of a relationship, but it was the general passing of comments to one another that told me they were staying together for the sake of the family and probably society. Today they still remain together but with my Nan being so ill they live apart with my granddad still by her side at times where possible and supporting her care financially, I guess you can say that despite growing apart in some ways loyalty has always remained.


My Parents
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I always thought that my parent’s marriage was like concrete, hard to break up!

Over the years it appeared that pressure from family problems interfered with their marriage and relationship and after 20 years of marriage it was doomed to be lost forever. Please don’t get me wrong I once was from a happy family and did all the normal stuff families do. Somewhere along the lines it all went sour and as a result the arguments became consistent and frequent (If you have read my children and divorce opinion, things will become more clear). It was inevitable that there was to be a divorce looming and it came to no surprise when it did finally happen.


Comparison

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I am not sure if you can see the differences between marriages of different eras but it is clear to me. Marriage many years ago more often than not last, in fact it is very rare to see a couple who have been together for over 40 years and became married during that time divorce. I fell that marriage back then did mean more, not that couples of today don’t have as much love for each other, far from it, what I mean is society regarded marriage to be more sacred but as the generations have increased to form new generations, marriage has lost the appeal and today far more couples are living together as common-law husband and wife.

One of the reasons I feel that my parents got divorced is because society of now and as far back as 15 years ago began to accept that marriages that simply are not working shouldn’t be forced to work if it is only going to create an unhappy situation and circumstances to live in, for once society has got one thing right.



What did I feel about marriage in the past?
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This one I am not entirely sure about, I knew that at some time in my life I would like to get married but at the same time was happy with not ever getting married if it never felt right, I never met the right person or I felt that I was being pressured into something that I wouldn’t be content with. For me I guess that marriage is something special and if I was ever going to get married I would only do it once and with a person I felt complete ease with, love for, loved by and sure in my mind that this person would be someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life and beyond with.


My marriage
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Well you have heard of a whirlwind romance haven’t you? That is what it was like when I met Chris my husband. Have you ever been so sure of someone or something that you just have to rush doing things? Well
I was so sure of Chris and I knew by the way he expressed his emotions and feelings to me that he was sure of me too. So yes you guessed it, the marriage proposal was asked! I remember I so well, but then it was I doing the proposing. We were at Goodies, a bar in the city centre and like every night there it was karaoke night. The bar was packed and the night was coming to an end, everyone who wanted to be on stage and sing had, me included and even some that were forced into it or just to plain drunk to care. Last orders were called and I just had the urge to get up on stage, no not to sing again but to express my feelings and love for Chris and ask if he would like to marry me! And I am glad to say that his answer was yes, with that a few words of congratulations came from strangers and then we headed off home arm in arm.

A few days later Chris and I were almost home when he asked did I mind stopping off somewhere before we got home, no problem there, of course I didn’t mind. My mind was doing overtime, puzzled as to where he wanted to go, I was intrigued to say the least. So off on our little drive only to find that Chris was heading in the direction of the registry office to follow up on my earlier proposal. We had a chat to one of the registrars and found out all we had to know in order to go through with our unplanned wedding. We manage at the time to pay for a special licence, which meant that as long as it was arranged and not doubled booked for a certain time or day we could get married when we wanted. So what was there left to do but to decide on a date, acquire some suitable clothing for both parties, sort some wedding rings out, a bouquet and to invite a few people along.

Arrangements for the wedding were very stress free and with no complications as such. I think that because we kept it small and only told a few people, plans just kind of fell into place, which is just the perfect start to your wedding day. Oh! Did I say no com
plications! Well just a few little ones. On the day of our wedding we were working nights and had already asked the floor manager if we could both leave a little early but a reply was somewhat on the slow almost reverse speed. Come almost 2am, with our big day pending I decided to ask what was happening about going home early only to be told that we would have to stay till 4am. Well we walked out of work any way, the way we see it we had no choice.

After getting home from work and got a few hours sleep in it was time to get ready for our big day but before we could do that we had to pick our bouquet up. That was a bit of a strange one as we bumped into Chris’s mother a woman I have never seen but have talked to briefly on the phone. Yep you have guessed it we decided not to inform certain members of the family, well all apart from my dad, so bumping into my what would be mother in-law was a bit of a shock. It was made quite clear from the start that she didn’t approve of Chris and I being together as I already had 2 children from a previous relationship and according to her I was someone with excess baggage and for that reason we didn’t ask Chris’s brother as we couldn’t chance him letting it slip out by accident and having Chris’s mother turn up and spoil our day. As for my mother she did develop an attitude towards me and my new found life that I wasn’t prepared to put up with so I never bother to tell her. My brother was never told due to a big bust up over me leaving my ex, my sister although we got along I couldn’t be sure if she would inform my mother and my other sister I have not seen in many years so I wouldn’t know where to send an invite.

Well after getting dressed we headed up towards the registry office in all our clobber and guess what, I forgot to put my lippy on and forgot to bring the bouquet, so Chris had to nip down and bring I up, silly me.

The moment arrived when w
e had to say our vows to one another, I was kind of nervous but not as much as Chris by all accounts, every word would be a struggle and come out wrong but its those little things like this that make the day more unique, special and memorable. The service was very short, well within 15 minutes it was all over but never to be forgotten.

After the service we were all going to go for a drink and we had every intention of getting changed into something more suitable but our friends had other ideas. Yes we all headed to the nearest pub in our wedding gear, the amount of car horns beeping anyone would have thought it was some sort of protest. It was a bit wind that day and I was gagging for a ciggy so I lit one up, the wind blew and my veil got burnt, the worse thing was that the head dress and veil were on hire so the inevitable meant that I could not take it back. Well here we all our sitting in the pub and me feeling a bit silly, a menu was passed to us to look at but a friend of ours thought that as a treat she would pick what we should eat and for obvious reasons she got us both “Between The Sheets” no not a threesome but a desert, and I must say it was delicious. After several drinks later we all decided that we would hit the town an I was at this time adamant that I would be wearing something other than a wedding dress.

We all met up in a bar down town sometime later, Chris got absolutely drunk and with that we headed home. He was a bit half cut that night so I missed out on my newly wed romp and with money being as tight as it was and still is we never got around to an honeymoon but I am determined that we will have one before we get too passed it.


What do I feel about marriage now?
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For me marriage was and still is the best step I have ever taken in my life. I absolutely adore my husband, to me he is my world, someone that I would be lost with out, I have more love fo
r this man that I could ever thought was possible. On the day we got married we made a commitment to one another, a special bond and if you like a statement to all those that didn’t approve of our relationship, or thought that it would never last” Our marriage is here to stay”. Since family members have found out about our wedding they have become to except it and except that whatever size our family is we come as a package, a family unit. Our relationship was strong to begin with but our marriage has brought us closer together and stronger that we can sort through problems together no matter how hard they seem at the time.

I know that it may seem to others and maybe some on this site that we rushed into getting married, after all we were together for 7 weeks and then married. Me personally I don’t feel in any way that we rushed, it felt right at the time, I just knew that Chris was and still is the one for me and for the both of us we have no regrets.


Society
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Over the years the whole issue of marriage has changed and many couples would rather live together as common-law husband and wife, many feel that if they got married then their whole relationship would change, for us this was never the case. Our feelings have grown stronger, we are closer than ever and we make love regularly. Society has begun to except that people can live together with out a certificate to say they are a couple and in some cases a few date each other with out feeling the need to live under each other roof. I guess when couples dates but live apart there is some kind of excitement a bit like being in school and dating someone.

I can not say that marriage has no meaning today as for me, Chris and many others it does provided you work hard at your marriage and support each other. The key to our successful marriage is we talk, we share our feelings, we display our love for one another often, we try to do something dif
ferent whether in be an activity, something new to eat or something to spice up our love life, all I know is that our marriage works.


So to sum up, marriage is not a necessity as it once was thought of, it is something that should only be done if it feels right for both the man and woman. Today couples will not be looked down upon if they decide not to marry but I still feel, as many others probably will it does have a place in society for many.


I wish you all every happiness in your relationships, work hard to make it work for you all and you will have a long and happy fulfilled life together.

*Hugs*

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