Mad matty. Embarassed matty. (Most Embarrassing Moments)

Member Name: mattygroves10

Product:	Most Embarrassing Moments
Date:	03/11/05 (491 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Everyone else finds them funny

Disadvantages: I don't. Much...

Well, I got to hand it to you guys - you have guts. You have been happily 'sharing' your most cringe making moments - those times where you wish embarrassment were terminal. So, I guess it's my turn. I don't know why...I suppose I'm a masochist.

Many of my moment involve what I not-so-fondly call 'foot in mouth disease'. I suffer from this - big time. Especially after a few drinks. But I'm not sure I'm going to tell you about all those - I mean, you guys kinda like me at the moment. And the joy of writing, is I get to edit and censor - HA HA.

These are in no particular order. They are listed as I think of them. Many involve alcohol - the preferred drug of the terminally embarrassed..

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1. THE JOYS OF PUBERTY
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As I believe I've mentioned once or twice here, I was a wee bit bullied at school. I was certainly unpopular. So, for example, I regularly sat in gum, which had been strategically placed on my chair. Oh, how we laughed.

Anyway, because of this, it was not uncommon to see me with a jacket or jumper wrapped around my waist.

One day (I must have been around 14 or 15), I did NOT sit in gum. So I did not have anything wrapped around my waist...yet. Someone says to me 'did you sit in gum again?' Off I trot to the loo to check. Ummm...it wasn't gum. It was worse - and no-one had done this one to me.

You see, I hit puberty relatively late. So I wasn't, shall we say, regular. You can, perhaps, guess what was on the butt of my WHITE (why does this always happen when you're wearing white?) jeans. Let's just say, I was bloody embarrassed.

And, of course, I had to wait until lunchtime to phone my mum (jacket ends up around waist), and get a clean pair of jeans (not white). Oh, the shame. I, of course, told everyone I'd sat in gum. It seemed less...messy.

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2. UNIVERSITY LIFE
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As many of you no doubt know, the drinking age in the States is 21. As many of you no doubt also know, this is not always strictly adhered to, especially on university campuses.

Now, I didn't look my age of 18. For that matter, I didn't look 16. So I never drank in high school. Drinking to excess was a new experience (note the word, WAS). So was smoking. Smoking anything.

During the first few weeks of my freshman (first) year, I'd hooked with a sophomore (second year) - he was GORGEOUS. In my usual, embarrassing fashion, I'd over crowded him (remember, this was just a few weeks into uni), and he went elsewhere, and we were, shall we say, no more. He also lived in my dorm. Urg. But that's not the embarrassing bit.

Some weeks later, a group of us were drinking wine coolers (kind of like an alcopop - made with wine, fruit juice, fizzy water and various chemicals; all attractively packaged in colourful bottles). I drank A LOT. I mean, REALLY, a lot. Like, two or three litres (remember, I'd never drank that kind of quantity before). There were also various burning substances ready to be inhaled, if you get my meaning. I'd never done that before, either.

Oh, dear. I got absolutely stonkingly drunk and altered. I started crying, begging this guy to come 'back to me', babbling away incoherently. Then, I started throwing up. And boy, did I. Where DID that sliced pineapple come from, anyway. An older student took me outside, and I just wept, "what would my mother say?" over, and over, and over again.

When I woke up the next morning, I still had to face everyone. I'm astonished I'm still around to tell about it.

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3. A LITTLE LIGHT RELIEF
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This one is only a little embarrassing, but I felt silly at the time.

Again, in university, later that year. Now, our dorms were shared rooms - kind of. You had the door into the corridor, which opened into one smallish room. Then a door from the smallish room into another smallish room. So although you shared 'the room', you each had your own space.

One morning, I woke up, looked at the clock, and saw it was around 7.30ish. So I rolled over and went back to sleep (as students are apt to do). I woke up sometime later, walked bleary eyed through my roommate's room (her boyfriend was in the room as well). They snickered a little. I didn't think much of it. I went to the loo, showered, brushed my teeth - all that morning sort of thing.

Well, imagine my surprise when I got back to my room, looked at the clock, and saw it was 4.45 - IN THE AFTERNOON. I guess I was tired.

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4. WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR MOTHER
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Still in university - now we're into my second year. My mother and I had a difficult relationship when I was in my teens (nothing horrendous - usual mother/daughter type stuff).

My parents were paying for my education, my living expenses, and for trips home. For everything, really. But when you're 19, you don't necessarily realise how lucky you are.

I had a boyfriend (strange bloke, but that's another story). One Christmas, for whatever reason, mum and I were annoyed with each other, I guess. I told her in a fit of pique not only would I not come home for Christmas if she didn't pay, but that I wouldn't want to - that I didn't want to see them anyway.

Boy, was THAT stupid and insensitive. So I apologised. But what I had said had hurt. The upshot is that things weren't better until I wrote a long and heartfelt letter explaining how stupid I felt, and how sorry I was. Oh dear.

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5. A DRUNKEN WEDDING - PART I
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I had a friend (hard to believe, I know). He was just a friend - I used to play Dungeons and Dragons with him and his friends and brothers (I guess that's embarrassing enough!) He got married, and my husband, daughter (who was 3 at the time) and myself were invited and went along.

You can clearly work out where this one is going - I got very drunk. But it gets worse. You see, his father was a vicar. In fact, his father was the vicar presiding over the service. Proud father marrying his eldest son in the sight of God.

I'm not religious. At all. So what does drunk matty decide to do? You guessed it in one. Started discussing (read: arguing) religion. With the vicar. The father of the groom.

And when my husband wisely tried to get me to come home, I resisted. I was SOOOOO embarrassed the next day - and so thankful he did manage to pour me into the car. Urg.

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6. A DRUNKEN WEDDING - PART II
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You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson. Oh no.

However, on reflection, I'm keeping this one to myself. Sorry guys...I'll just say...Breakfast the next morning...I was truly embarrassed.

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7. DON'T CHILDREN SAY THE CUTEST THINGS...
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We all agree that swearing in front of children is 'a bad thing.' However, we are all human, and I admit to slipping. Really, quite a lot when my daughter was an infant.

What we forget, however, is that young children understand a lot more than they can say. Once they can say things, they do. Instantly.

My daughter was around 20 months old. We were in the States visiting my family, and we all went (mum, dad, brother, hubby, me) to a family fried chicken restaurant. It was full of...well...families, as well as a good proportion of older people.

Once we all sat down, a bowl of pickled gherkins was placed in front of us. My daughter LOVES pickled gherkins - she's always loved them.

Being under two, she starts scoffing them. So eventually we took them away. 'More!' she cries. 'No, sweetheart, you'll be sick.' 'MORE!' We hid them behind us, and told her 'they're gone'. 'MORE!!!' 'No more'.

So she loudly proclaims 'OH SH*T!!' (but without the asterisk). Everyone in the entire restaurant goes silent. We got some extremely dirty looks.

My family and I didn't know whether to break out laughing, or slink away in embarrassment. After all, I KNEW it was my fault...I can tell you, we stopped swearing in front of her from that day on. Mostly.

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8. THE APPLIANCE JINX STRIKES AGAIN
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Our family has dreadful luck with electrical appliances. We only have to look at one, and it seems to break.

Our Hoover was broken, so I asked next door if I could borrow hers. She explained that it was no problem - she'd only just bought hers the previous weekend.

So I start Hoovering. Guess what - 10 minutes into the job, the Hoover stops dead. I tried it in another plug - nothing. I did consider returning it and just not telling her, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

Needless to say, she was not impressed. Thankfully, she plugged it in, and it worked. But I was mortified. You see, I put off Hoovering. Endlessly. When you can't walk on the carpet barefoot without tracking various bits and pieces around is when I get around to it. So I'd thought that it had just died in despair.

As a postscript to that, it turned out there really WAS something wrong with it - it tended to overheat. But it wasn't our fault - the machine was faulty from the start.

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9. THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY SCREEN NAMES
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I know quite a few people only from the internet - this site and another similar site. I added one person to my aol buddy list (from the other site, so stop trying to guess who it was!)

One evening, my buddy list said she was online. So I instant messaged her. Except it wasn't her. I was confused. I accused the person of trying to 'kid' me - I thought maybe she didn't like me anymore.

What had happened, of course, was that I'd got the screen name wrong. Some poor, innocent AOL user had to listen to me rail and wonder why she wasn't talking to me.

I sent an email to the 'proper' person - oh, how we laughed at my error. The person I'd messaged must have thought I was a lunatic!

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10. LOST FOR WORDS
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That's all folks - there is nothing more (that I'm willing to share, anyway). So there.

Summary: Stupid things I have done. Stupid things I wish I hadn't done.