D'oh!!! D'oh!!! and thrice, D'OH!!! (Most Embarrassing Moments)

Member Name: dlb74

Product:	Most Embarrassing Moments
Date:	10/08/06 (289 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You can have a giggle at my expense...

Disadvantages: You can have a giggle at my expense...

Embarrassing moments? Hmmm… There are probably so many of them in my life that the irony is I can’t think of that many of them right now! How bizarre is that?!?

Anyway… I guess I’ll just type away and see what comes to mind.

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About ten years ago, I studied Audio Visual Technology in an Edinburgh college for three years (which might bloody well explain why I’m still not doing anything related to the course for a living!)…

Our studies were based mainly on the 8th floor of the college - which was also the top floor. Anyway, one afternoon, we got to the time for our afternoon break. I decided for some unknown reason, to stay up in the room on my own while all my colleagues headed for the college canteen based on the ground floor.

I decided I was going to listen to some music and popped in my walkman headphones. I was listening to Rage Against The Machine (funny how you remember the small details from your big embarrassments!) that day and in one of the brief gaps between songs, I heard a slightly bizarre sound.

I took out the headphones and realised that the fire alarm was ringing! I stepped out into the 8th floor corridor and realised the all the other rooms were deserted. Every man for himself, I guess! So instead of getting my arse down the stairs myself, I still wondered if it could be a false alarm. I quickly went back into the room I’d been in and looked out of the window toward the front of the building. As the room was on the side of the building, my view only afforded me the slightest of glimpses of the grounds - but enough of a glimpse to see people grouped outside!

At this sight, I panicked and made a dash for the stairs - remembering on auto-pilot the advice never to use lifts in the event of a fire. So - upon reaching the stairs I started to hot-foot it down eight flights to the ground floor - somehow expecting a huge fireball to erupt from each subsequent floor that I passed on my descent.

That didn’t happen of course, and when I did reach the safety of the ground floor and the front of the college, I discovered that the fire brigade were already on the scene following the alarm being accidentally tripped. Now for the pay-off… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

I also discovered practically every soul that had been in the building standing outside as I erupted from the building - no doubt out of breath and looking scared out of my wits. Imagine how mortified I was to get a rousing round of applause and cheers from almost everyone there!

In the great words (or in this case - word) of Homer Simpson:

“D’OH!!!”

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I used to work for an office where I had to get two buses to get to work (now that I think about it, I still have to get two buses to work - I must try to pass my driving test ASAP!)… As is still often the case now, I’m not much of a morning person and after jumped off my first bus, realised that if I didn’t seriously haul arse, I risked missing my second bus and being late for work.

The pavement in front of me was taken up by a small group of people who, if they were walking any slower, might have started to go back in time. Sensing that I was going to get hell for being late for work, I decided to run past them - which involved pretty much literally taking one step onto the road then hopping back up onto the pavement.

I thought I had taken a very quick but correct risk assessment - as there wasn’t much room between the still stationary bus that I had just been on - and the pavement. No problem!

Of course, I forgot to take into account cycle lanes… As I was wearing headphones (bloody cursed things again!) I failed to realise there was a cyclist racing up behind me. You know the saying that someone doesn’t know what hit them? That was me, that was! I felt this very sudden and hard impact on my back - which sent me reeling forward - where I landed on the pavement - sliding along on my stomach - right in view of everyone who was sitting on the bus I had been on.

The thing was, the cyclist also got the fright of his life - nearly going over the handle bars into the back of a bus! His reaction was that of fright and anger - as he launched into a four-letter tirade as I slowly got up off the pavement - all teary eyed. Of course - in hindsight, I can’t say I blame him. However - I’m just glad thinking back on it that neither of us was badly hurt - or worse.

My slide along the pavement had melted down a few of the buttons on my suit jacket cuff. I’d also knocked a hole in the elbow of one of my jacket’s arms - which is bizarre as my shirt was intact but my elbow itself had a pretty nasty, bleeding graze…

Pretty? No. Embarrassing? Oh, yes!!!

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A few years ago, I worked as a freelance English teacher in Belgium for a year - so there was a fair amount of jumping on planes between there and here (Edinburgh, Scotland - for those of you who haven’t read the bumph on my profile page and actually care!).

So - one of the times I was travelling back to Scotland - I was checking in at Charleroi airport in Brussels and before going through all the metal detectors etc, I realised I was needing a pee and decided it wouldn’t wait so off to the toilets I went.

A few minutes later, post-pee, I headed to the security post - tickets and passport etc in hand. The attendant who called me over was an extremely attractive young woman. When I stepped over to her, I remembered the total pain in the behind that is removing your belt only to put it back on two minutes later - a huge hardship - I’m sure you’ll agree…

I asked the girl if I would have to remove my belt. She wasn’t a native English speaker and didn’t quite grasp what I was trying to ask. So… I decided to emphasise the question by gesturing toward my belt when I repeated the question.

Unfortunately, I realised with horror - all too late - that as well as pointing down to my belt - where she began to look the moment I gestured to it, I was also drawing her attention to my crotch area - where I had forgotten to zip up my jeans having visited the toilet!!! She immediately gasped and looked away… and both of our faces turned red though we were both laughing through the embarrassment of the situation!

All I can say is although I found her attractive - I just thank God, Yoda, Mister Miyagi or whoever else is worthy of being worshipped and thanked - that I didn’t find her that attractive and doubly thankful that I’m not one of those people who ever goes commando!!!

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Well there you have it. Three of my most cringe-inducing moments. I don’t know what’s worse… the fact that there are probably some other classics that I’ve totally forgotten at this point (or at least am trying to forget!) or the fact that there is hopefully still plenty of time ahead to add some other as yet unwritten classics - that could make Frank Spencer look like The Fonz - lying ahead…

Watch this space…

Summary: Set engines to Cringe-Factor 10!!!