Alcohol, farts and nursery rhymes (Most Embarrassing Moments)

Member Name: jesika_jay

Product:	Most Embarrassing Moments
Date:	16/10/02 (2498 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: something to laugh about

Disadvantages: The laugh is at my expense

This is going to take some thinking about! I probably go through an embarrassing moment every day of my life, how can I possibly narrow them down to just a few? I seem to have an uncanny knack for creating humiliation for myself and amusement for others. It makes me cringe just thinking af some of the things I've done, let alone writing them down. Actually, come to think of it, some are actually too embarrassing to write down and would probably result in my hard work being locked, so I won't tell you of the "XXX category", but here's just a few snippets of my laughable life...

Drunk and Disorderly.

Alcohol is probably (definitely) the biggest cause of hugely embarrassing moments, and for me this is quite unfortunate as I used to drink a lot. I remember this day a little too well... It was a friend's 17th birthday and a group of us all went down town for some celebrating. Someone decided they wanted to go to a really expensive pub so me and the birthday girl decided to pop off down the local Wetherspoons for some cheap rounds. We ended up buying about ten Vodka and cokes and were comletely smashed! Being in the drunken state I was, I knocked over my glass of V&C. Glass and alcohol went everywhere- all over the table and all over the glass collector. "Don't worry" he grimaced "I'll clean it up" But I felt so guilty that I drunkenly shouted to him that I would lick it all up to save him the work. So... down on my hands and knees, I started with the floor, licking up liquid like an animal, people pointing and laughing. The barman tried to get me to stop but I felt so drunkenly guilty that I insisted and started "cleaning up" the table, broken glass and everything! I ended up being carried off the premises by two bouncers with like a whole pub of people (half of which I knew) laughing at me! The next morning, I woke up with a mouth full of cuts and grazes and a memory full of dire shame! r>
Stage Fright

A budding dramatist, I was so keen to succeed that I took part in a number of amateur plays outside of school. There was this one play I was in where I had to learn Shakespeare, and was always faffing up my lines. It was an accident waiting to happen; I couldn't even get the lines right in rehearsals, let alone on stage in front of about 300 people all eyes watching me in anticipation...
...and I didn't just forget my lines. After standing there for what seemed like hours, my heart thumping like a heavy trance record and eyes boaring into me like lasers, I blurted out a line which I thought was right. It was actually a line from about two chapters further along the play! The result was disastrous. This then prompted people to say the wrong lines and miss a whole, critical part out of the play. People then got confused and wondered what was happening. Then, after they realised what was happening, the actors started adlibbing to try to get the play back to where it was before I stuffed up, making it even worse. In the end, people started laughing and getting too nervous to focus, so the director had to stand up and apologise and rewind the play to my line again!! Oh the shame! Needless to say, I got a "talking to" in the dressing room afterwards!

Mobile Misfortune

Perhaps the most common embarrassing situation of all. I had not had a mobile for long and wasn't familiar with how to use it. I even forgot I had it on several occasions. Unfortunately, one of the times I forgot about it was when I was at the theatre. After the show, we got the opportunity to ask the actors some questions as they spoke to us about the play. It just so happens that they had told us specifically that no phones were allowed in the auditorium before the talk and that anyone who was found out to have not switched their phone off would have to come up on stage and sing a nursery rhyme. The rest of this story is self-explanat
ory. Yes the phone went off, and yes it was loud. Yes I was discovered, and yes, I had hoped the singing thing had been a joke. Yes, they made me go up on stage, and no, the singing thing wasn't a joke. Yes, about 100 people listened to me singing Baa baa Black Sheep, and no, I will not be going back. I endured many a joke on the way home and laughed it off casually, but I did feel like crying, I was SO mortified. Even my teacher admitted that was a very cruel thing to do, but that I had been warned...

Short Skirt

I used to be a fan of the miniskirt and was sadi to dress quite provocatively, always attracting some sort of attention with my clothes. But it was all positive attention, until this day. I remeber the flowery skirt I was wearing that summer's day, and I remember going into a public loo on the way to town. The next thing I remember was a load of jeering from some builders somewhere above me. "Flippin' builders" I thought "I can't walk past a building site without them perving over me. I ignored them and walked on into town. I noticed I was receiving a little more tooting from passing cars than usual, but thought nothing of it, just putting it down to the fact that I must be looking incredibly fine today. Then in town, I noticed some odd stares. Not just from men, but from women too. That's strange, I never thoght I was the type to attract women... I must be looking very special today, now the girls are after me as well! But when I noticed a group of giggling school girls pointing and laughing in my direction, I thought something must be wrong with me. It was at that moment that a girl approached me and told me that my skirt was hitched up in my knickers and you could see my bum! I quickly unhitched it and ran into the nearest shop and stayed there until I was sure all the laughing people had gone and my face was back to its original colour. I felt so dumb. What a goon! I don't wear miniskirts much an
ymore.

Clumsy words

This is another time I dented my pride. I was about 15 and had a new boyfriend. It was all going really well and he had invited me to his house to have dinner with his parents. I was quite excited as I had never been asked to meet the parents of any other boy before. When I got to his house though, my emotions changed. A huge house about half a mile down a private drive, I thought I 'd taken the wrong route and ended up at Windsor Castle. It was a mansion! They must've been multi-millionaires or something! Feeling rather aprehensive, I rang the doorbell, thinking this must all be a joke. It wasn't. There he was, standing there with his parents ready to greet me. The dad looked partucularly snooty, like one of those stuffy MPs or something. I was very very scared. At dinner, it was even worse. Bombarding me with questions about my life, I hardly got a break to eat! The dad was so nosey I was starting to feel really nervous, like he was judging me on my every word. He asked me about school and about what I was doing there. I told him that I was applying to be year representative. He seemed impressed so I decided to ellaborate, feeling quite chuffed. It was all going well until I said that the school was having an ERECTION! I meant to say ELECTION of course, but the dad looked taken aback. "Umm, an ELECTION" I said, correcting myself "you know, one of those things where they vote for...er me" I tried to break the silence by waffling but it was awful! The atmosphere was deadly after that one word was uttered and I had to make my excuses and leave early.

Body Noises

Oh dear, this one does make me cringe! There was this guy I had liked for ages but who liked my best friend. I was dead jealous and wished he'd take notice of me. He was always talking to her and never seemed to bother with me. He knew I liked him but wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend. One day
, when my best friend was away and out of the picture, I thought my luck was in; a few friends had reported to me that this guy thought I was cute and was going to come and talk to me. I was so excited as he approached me. We started talking and were getting along well, until suddenly, as if from nowhere, I let out a noise. Yes, I farted. Big and Proper. Loud and Proud. Repulsively deadly. I was mortified! I tried to excuse myself and apologised over and over again, saying that I don't usually do that. I tend to waffle when I get embarrased to try to disguise my shame, but it only makes it worse. I blabbed on and on about how embarrassed I was, and then I started giggling. I giggled uncontrollably and the unthinkable happened: I did it again! What are the odds of that?! He must've thought I was about to explode due to gas overload! Seeing my increasing humiliation, he told me not to worry about it and that everyone did it. Not what you want to be talking about when you are trying to chat up a guy! Then I think the smell must've hit him because he made his excuses and went.I was left standing in a cloud of my own gas and humiliation, taking in the smell that had just ruined my life and listening to a distant echo of laughs as I imagined the ground opening up and swallowing me whole.

Well, that's about all I wish to share with you all right now. Just remembering these things makes me cringe, but I've learned to laugh at my own misfortunes and realise that I'm only human and humans make mistakes! Some more than others! This is just a taster of what it's like to be me...