My toilet secrets. (Most Embarrassing Moments)

Member Name: MandyMinx

Product:	Most Embarrassing Moments
Date:	24/12/03 (1229 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: great laughs

Disadvantages: bad heads

Seeing as it's Christmas, the season when many of us partake in the amber nectar I thought I would share with you my most embarrassing drunken moments, thus shattering any previous image you might have of me being a good girl.

I first got drunk at the age of 15. I used to teach first aid and was one of the youngest in the group to do so. I think they forgot how young I actually was and when the classes used to end, everyone would pile into the local pub for a nightcap and I went with them. I remember thinking that I was really grown up, especially when I was bought the odd drink or two. Well as happens one night I drank too much. I polled home very much the worst for wear and desperate to make sure that my step dad didn't find out I had been partaking of the amber nectar. I stuck a stick of chewing gum in my mouth, straightened myself up and strode into the living room with a huge smile on my face. I remember giving a false yawn, going over to my parents to say goodnight, bending to give the necessary peck on the cheek, over-balancing and giving him a full on 'gizzajob' head butt before falling back and ending up on my backside in the middle of the living room.
I was grounded for a month. I think that was how long it took for the headache to vanish. His, not mine.



We all go through that stage where going out for a drink with our friends is the best thing in the world. When I was about 18 years old my friend and I were invited by our boss to be ambassadors for the shop we worked for at a Chinese New Year celebration at a local nightclub. He saw this as a huge honour. We saw it as an excuse for a cheap night out. I am not sure if you are aware of it but the Chinese are very generous people, especially around their new year. Well everyone that came up to say hello bought us a drink and it didn't take long for us to become rather the worse for wear. Because we were there on behalf of the company we were dressed very c
onservatively. This didn't stop us from storming the stage and doing our own rendition of like a virgin down the microphones. Everyone cheered and we were a huge success as we danced and crooned to the song. They cheered even louder when I fell off the stage. The headache that followed that night out was a doozie.



On a night out with some of Mark's family we found ourselves with the opportunity for a lock in. Mark was with the boys and some of his sisters and I made our way to the pub in question. Well we had more to drink and I had definitely had too many and became concerned that Mark and the boys hadn't got to the pub. I was worried that they would lock the doors and he wouldn't be able to get in. So I went outside, through the side door to see if he was coming. As I did this, Mark and the gang came in through the front door and the landlord, who had been waiting for them to turn up promptly locked the doors.
So there I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere, no Mark, no friends and nobody responding to my attempts to get let back into the pub. Well I may have been drunk but I wasn't stupid. I knew how vulnerable I was so I hailed a taxi and went home.
There I was, midnight, standing outside my house with no keys and no coat.
What could I do? I was freezing and couldn't get in. I decided in the end that I would have to break a window. Well I threw 4 bricks and 2 logs at the kitchen window and nothing happened. I threw my shoe and my bag and still the bloody thing wouldn't break. By now the window had been seriously reprimanded by me. I had given it graphic details of what I intended to do to it if only I could find something heavy enough to break it. In the end I got so tired that I sat on the doorstep to wait for Mark to come home. The police found me asleep there, curled up like the cat when they came looking for me. Mark had reported me kidnapped.



A week before my wedding I went out wit
h the girls and my husband to be went out with his mates and we met up back at ours for a party afterwards.
As you can imagine,being the bride to be, I was encouraged to drink a lot.
When everyone had gone home and my husband to be had gone to bed I decided to pay a visit to the little girls room before going to bed myself.
After using the loo I was shocked to discover that the door was jammed and though I pushed it as hard as I could it did not budge. I can tell you I was very upset at the prospect of having to spend the night in the toilet and began to cry like a baby. I pummelled the door with my fists while crying out pathetically 'let me out....please let me out.'
After what was, in fact, a good hour, my pathetic cries managed to penetrate my husband to Be's deep sleep and he came to my rescue.....opening the door in seconds, using the handle.
Do you know,I was really grateful and threw myself at my knight in shining armour.
'It took me a good few minutes before I realised that I had been pushing the door.....when I should have pulled it.....opps!!


Toilet doors seem to be a problem for me. Have you every found yourself stuck in a toilet? I mean really stuck not stupid stuck like the story I have just told you. Well I have and it's not funny I can tell you.
I stumbled to the toilet this particular night and rather than sit with the door wide open as many girls do I shut it and slipped the bar across. As I sat on the loo I happened to glance up at the lock and I suddenly realised that there was no handle to the bar and I couldn't get a hold on the bar to undo the lock. Well I shook the door, I pulled it, I swore at it and I begged it. It wouldn't open. Being the self conscious idiot that I am I hadn't the courage to shout out when I heard someone in the loos, so I sat quiet and waited for them to leave and then carried on trying to get out. Well half an hour went by and I had called Mark al
l the idiots on the planet for not sending someone to look for me. I realised that if I didn't do something I was stuck for the night. So I climbed on the loo, onto the top of the cubicle and straddled the door in the most unladylike way, with my ass on display to anyone who might come in.( It was a very short skirt)
Well the movement of the cubicle must have jiggled the lock because as I got my leg over the door it swung open leaving me swinging on the top of the door. Of course it was at that moment that my sister in law walked in. I have never lived that down I can tell you.




You know how people have silly words for some items, well we have lots of silly words. When we went to the local chip shop after a night out, Marks sisters and I would always buy a bag of chips and smother them in what we called 'Ujar' (Salt) and Aridark (Vinegar) We must have sounded like right idiots standing there asking each other if we wanted this on our chips. Anyway Marks sister was a right one when she had a drink and she always used to leave the shop with either the vinegar or salt pot under her coat. Her hubby Pete took them back it's ok. Anyway one night we went to the chippy as usual and the owner started to accuse me of stealing his salt bottle. Well Mark was mortified and went into this huge speech about the fact that although his sister was a character, his wife was above reproach and would not do anything like that. As he spoke his sisters and I were pulling faces and saying how awful it was that I was being accused and then bursting out laughing.(We were very drunk!) Anyway in the end the shop keeper sighed and said ok, maybe he had made a mistake. We left the shop and Mark had a smug look on his face as he announced that no one was going to call his wife a thief. We walked up the road and Mark started to eat his chips. He was really mad when I offered to salt them for him. He took the tub back to the shop and apologised. I said sor
ry too. ( I only did this the once and do know it was very wrong! And for those of you wondering, yes, Mark really is that nice)




When coming back from a night out on the town many years ago, Mark and I fell asleep on the last bus and didn't wake up until we got to the terminus, over a mile away. Another time I didn't have my coat. Good job we had the drink to keep us warm. That was a very long walk home.




Every Christmas after the turkey we all settle down in front of the TV and relax. I like a sherry or six while I am cooking the dinner and am usually very merry by the time it has been eaten. Anyway I had a fit of the giggles and decided to throw the odd peanut at Mark while he was watching the TV. He had been drinking too and so he threw one back and so it went on. I have to win and always try to get the better of him so I threw a handful, then he did, the kids joined in and there were peanuts flying everywhere. It was a lot of fun but the mess afterwards was terrible. We were finding peanuts for months after, down the sofa, behind the pictures on the wall and even under the carpet. The thing is none of really like peanuts but I keep buying them as our peanut fight has become sort of a tradition.




The Millennium was a merry time for everyone and we had a party at our house. Everyone was drunk and it was a fantastic night to remember. I had spent a lot of time preparing for this party and I had planned the food, the drink and the music. At the time there was an Irish jig song in the charts I think it was called Tell Me Ma. Anyway the kids loved this song so I decided to add it to the play list. I was in the kitchen, getting a drink when I heard chanting. 'Show us your legs, Show us your legs' Mark was in the centre of a circle with his trousers pushed up as far as they would go and he was dancing the Irish Jig. It was wicked fun and before you knew it everyone was dancing the Iris
h jig in the middle of the living room. I danced too, but with my skirt hitched up.Too high. I was told after that everyone could see my knickers.



Ok last one.
I couldn't talk about my drunken moments without mentioning the time I chased a flasher.
I love to barbecue and when Gemma was little the girl next door and I used to barbecue for the kids and then sit out on the balcony and enjoy a glass of wine or six.
Anyway this particular evening we had had many a drink and were both rather gone. I went into the house to get some more when I heard Kim howling with laughter. I rushed outside and she was stood there struggling to get her words out, she was laughing so much. Anyway it turned out she had just been flashed at. I was mortified that I had missed all the action and decided that it just wasn't on that I had missed it. I ran down the road shouting .."Come back! I missed it!" Alas he had gone but it was funny at the time.

My brother in law gave me a little guardian angel yesterday.He said that of all the people he knew I had the worst luck and she would keep me safe. I bet you believe him after reading some of these .
It was good to remember some of these mad times, although the thought of being stuck in the loo still fills me with dread. Thank you for reading. For those of you that don't know me. I am a good girl really, honest. For those who do know me....SHHHHUSH!

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