Everybody needs a little help (Relationship Counselling)

Member Name: GEABJOE

Product:	Relationship Counselling
Date:	14/07/06 (182 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: opens your eyes to what you have been missing

Disadvantages: can hurt your feelings a bit

American television has characters that are always heading off to “the shrink” to help them cope with day to day living and we as “the watchers” always find it amusing to see and hear what “petty”, “trivial” things they pay these “shrinks” for.

But alas, when the issues are closer to home one tends to say “I don’t need help” and “there must be something wrong with you!”

Relationship counselling is there for a reason and I feel that because these people have taken the time to study the inner workings of the mind and heart, that couples should make use of them as we do doctors and lawyers, Ps they charge less!

We all live by degrees and measures in life and with the pressures (financial mostly), couples tend to drift apart the old saying “when poverty walks in the door love flies out the window”, in many respects is valid. Work commitments and pressures add to the fact that couples don’t necessarily spend quality time together anymore and hence lose the personal touch that they once had. Usually when things get tough in a relationship the first thing that dies is the sex life and for a man that is the hardest thing to deal with. Men feel that woman use this as a weapon, whereas when the relationship is not going well a woman instinctively does not want to give her body over, The Great Misunderstanding.

Women feel the pressures of raising children physically and emotionally whereas a man copes with it on stamina alone, (not in all cases just generalising)
So after a long hard day at work for mom to come home and cook, clean and be the “Hot, Sexy Momma” for daddy is not always an easy task. Now your man is taking that as rejection and not seeing it for what it really is EXHAUSTION!

This is just me rambling on with some case scenarios regarding issues that actually warrant counselling so if you are “feeling me” on this make the appointment.

Now for my personal insight.

My husband and I come from two totally different backgrounds, emotionally, spiritually and even food wise. Imagine that?

So being “adults” we embarked on this journey and said we will make it on love alone, well chuck the Mills and Boone in the trash and get to grips with reality love and marriage is NEVER that easy. While the beginning was all dreamy and romantic and I had butterflies in my tummy all the time, the sex was great we hugged and grabbed each other’s bottoms with each passing, slowly but surely the more entwined we became the more realistic the picture became. Financial issues were brought to the fore as well as the combining of these two totally different families and not failing to mention that I had been married before to a guy who came from the same background as me and we had a daughter, now my new husband was playing “daddy” for the first time to a girl who has a father. Many little things that we overlooked due to the “in-love” stage were now rearing their heads and saying: “so where to now?”

After being brave and hanging on by a thread, I said lets get counselling and to my surprise he was quite agreeable (this is not usually accepted in his upbringing)
So off we “tootled” and sat on the BIG couch. Feeling rather awkward as to what to say and how much to divulge, I plucked up the courage and just “splurged” it all out and I think he was quite surprised that I had so much to say. I was even a little stunned that all these words, emotions and feelings were just “bubbling” out of me and I actually felt I had no control, which was good, as I had finally lost my inhibitions.
That took the whole first session and the counsellor then promptly booked the next session and it was MY MAN’S TURN.
He surprised me with all he had to say and at times I was actually a little peeved off as I kept thinking to myself “well why didn’t he just say so” but that works both ways.

At the third session the counsellor spoke and we listened, the major outcome was lack of communication. We get so wrapped up in what we are doing we forget to sit down and just talk, whether its about the garden or the DVD player that has just given up the ghost we need to just sit and look at one another and give speech.

WOW THAT ROCKED MY WORLD!

We have three children and thought it impossible to find the time but we have a Roster. While the kids are bathing or eating we sit in the kitchen and catch up with one another. When we put them to bed we have a “cuppa” and chat further. The most important thing the counsellor taught my husband is to ask me “how I feel” you will not believe how much that changed the way I looked at him and felt about him and he was instructed to listen to what I had to say and become in-touch with my feminine side. I was told to never use the proverbial “headache” as the excuse to abstain from the bedroom but to in fact explain why I was not in the “MOOD” he would then run me a candle lit bath or rub my shoulders or back wherever the pain was. There were other guidelines given to get the wife in the mood and I must say they work most of the time.

Now I know you might be thinking why does a counsellor need to tell you to do these things and the answer is simple WE FORGET THE SMALL THINGS THAT COUNT.

Some people are not open to the thought of being counselled and if this is the case in your relationship go on your own at first and get some advice for yourself and gain insight as to how you can actually swing your partner around to it with mere suggestions and play of words, if you feel you need it don’t ignore it many people end up in unnecessary divorce due to lack of communication, a counsellor is the first step to the road to recovery there is nothing to fear these people do not judge or ostracise or even criticise they give you suggestions and what you do with them is what matters.

Summary: The small things that Count