Dedicated To All Those Luverly Laydeez of Dooyoo. (Romantic Dinners)

Member Name: marandina

Product:	Romantic Dinners
Date:	07/10/04 (204 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Satisfying

Disadvantages: Messy

I'm not sure that I've ever mentioned it before but I am renowned in the kitchen. Well, the thing is I am good with my utensils. Now that may sound like boasting but it's many a lady that’s been satisfied by my efforts. In fact, seeing as this category exists, I may even tell you about some of my shenanigans seeing as you've nothing better to do and me being at a loose end and all that.

I always think it' s best to start at the beginning so I always remember my first date with Agatha. Agatha was a Swedish mud wrestler, best in her class and built like a brick..erm…outhouse. We were very much in love. In fact, I remember being particularly fond of her half nelson. Well, one day I decided to invite her back to my bachelor pad for some nosh. Needless to say, I was keen to impress so I whipped out my cookery book (given to me as a Christmas gift by my Aunt Tessie) and scoured the pages for ideas. I really didn't want to be too obvious, you know, opting for recipes that doubled as aphrodisiacs and stuff. That would be a bit much on a first date or maybe not; maybe I shouldn't have been so naïve. I mean, I’d got a secret supply of powdered Rhino horn and a couple of Sheep’s testicles. Actually, the latter might be used in Chinese medicine..or is it Japanese torture? Damn..can’t remember. So anyway…there we are in my lurve pad, Agatha looking over my shoulder, holding me lightly around the waist, me in my “I love the cook” pinny, hunched over the cooker. It needed to be something special. After all, the following day was a particularly important bout for Agatha. She was to face “Enrica the Enraged” in a clash for the European title and she was quite worked up about it. Well, that was until I used my powers of seduction to take her mind off matters. In those days I was still a carnivore so fish was always an option. As it turns out, I’d always had a thing for oily fish and liked nothing better than slipping a salmon down my orifice. This had to be good so I did my good thing. I made Monkfish cooked as osso bucco. Ahhhhh….but you want the recipe now, don’t you? Weeeell……..


Serves 4

Use: 3 large plump garlic cloves; finely chopped good handful fresh flat-leaf parsley; olive oil; 1 shallot finely chopped; 4 plum tomatoes roughly chopped; 1 tbsp tomato puree; 1 tbsp anchovy paste; 1 large glass dry white wine; 4 x 200g/7 oz monkfish steaks; zest of 1 lemon and lemon wedges sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.

To cook: Preheat oven to 170C/325F/gas mark 3. Mix together the garlic and parsley. Pour some olive oil into a large casserole dish enough to take all the fish in one layer. Gently sweat the shallot until golden. Add the tomatoes, tomato puree and anchovy paste and cook for a further minute. Add the wine and stir well. Boil for a few minutes to take the alcohol off the wine, then add half the garlic and parsley. Add the fish to the pan, put the lid on the casserole, and transfer to the oven for 40 minutes. Check halfway through – if it needs more moisture add a glass of water.

Remove from the oven and arrange the dish on plates. Put the casserole back on medium heat and add the lemon zest, remaining parsley and garlic to the juices. Simmer for 2-3 minutes, season, then spoon over the fish. Garnish with lemon wedges and serve.

Sadly, despite having a lovely evening replete with candles, low lighting and Barry Manilow’s greatest hit playing, things didn’t quite work out as I’d hoped as Agatha went home early to stay focused on the big clash the following day. Fortunately, I’d got cable and made a few phone calls to BabeCast TV to console myself after this minor setback.

If you are ever in a bit of a rush, maybe your passion is spilling over or you are simply starving then, staying on a fishy theme, you could always try a hot smoked salmon sandwich. Serving 2, you need 4 slices of medium cut white bread, 100ml/3.5fl oz thick ready made béchamel sauce and 100g/3.5oz sliced smoked salmon. Spread each slice of bread with béchamel, cover two with smoked salmon, then sprinkle with chopped fresh dill, add a few turns of black pepper and add a few drops of lemon juice. Top with remaining bread and cut each sandwich into two triangles. Beat 2 eggs, add a splash of milk, dip the sandwiches into the mixture and fry on either side in butter until crisp and golden. Voila, you’re done in minutes and free to get on with whatever it is that stopping you from cooking proper meal you randy tikes.

Let’s face it, we simply don’t spend enough time having wee romantic meals together, do we? It really doesn’t have to be fish. You could opt for anything and for fellas, then the reality is that the laydeeez really do love you having a go in the kitchen even if the place looks like downtown Beirut after you’ve finished (why can’t us men cook anything without getting massive stains all over the wall and hob?)

Alternatively, you could pay some fancy Dan, French waiter to look down his nose at you all night as you make all the wrong selections in a posh restaurant. You know when you’ve blown it when he disappears to give your order and howls of laughter cascade from the kitchen. Nah, do it yourself dude and you, too could end up with your very own Agatha. Sadly, me and Agatha broke up soon after that. She discovered her sexuality and ran off with a female Bulgarian shot putter. These things are sent to try us but my love of all things fishy remains to this day.

Thanks for reading

Marandina

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