I'd rather have a smear test.... (Room 101)

Member Name: Glory_FishesII

Product:	Room 101
Date:	26/01/05 (283 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Argh!

Disadvantages: Argh!

I have PMT. You need to know this as the following rant is for therapeutic reasons. Don't be scared. I am not really that much of a 'meano' as a friend of mine would say certain things just give me the pip. Some are serious, some are not so.

**** Does she take sugar?

I am in a wheelchair. My legs are a bit on the crap side, hey while I'm at it my boobs aren't as big as I'd like them either. But it really does start to get on my lil 34B's when people start talking to me as if I'm a child or worst of all they totally ignore me and ask the friend I'm with about me. Now before you think 'Oh she's obviously a nark' if you had to spend entire hours of your life smiling while people do one of the following things:

a: Ask you if you know their great niece Emma as she's in a wheelchair too but repeat it as they are really drunk and have to lean on your chair to stay upright. After the fifth time it grates.

b: Hit me in the head with luggage while trying to get off a train and don't apologise.

c: Smile while headtilting and comment on ''How brave you are'' and ''What a shame it is you're a pretty little thing'' and ''What's wrong with you?'' when all I am doing is queuing with a loaf of bread, minding my own business , trying to remember if I need binbags.

d. You are a bouncer in a club and you won't let me in for fire reasons amd when I manage to get out of the said chair you say something along the lines of ''Oh I thought she was one of those'' to my mates.

**** Cress.

It's fiddly and it's pointless and it doesn't really taste of anything. Sort of like the plant version of Jordan: has no taste and doesn't do much.

**** G Strings.

They ride up places my boyfriends have never dared to venture. They practically give you a hysterectomy if worn with PVC. They are possibly one of the least flattering garments ever invented apart from tights and if you're over a size 8 you might as well forget they exist altogether.

**** Homophobia.

Homophobia pisses me off. There's no other way of saying it. I hate racism too but I've had more dealings with homophobics as I spent a good portion of my twenties on the ''gay scene''. Why anyone would object to two consenting adults having a bit of sexual pleasure is beyond me... it really is. I don't care whether you sleep with Arthur or Martha is none of my concern. I remember when my then boyfriend came out to me. I was only 16 or so at the time and we'd only had a good snog, so I wasn't that upset. In fact I was pleased and proud that he trusted me enough to tell me. I was more worried that he fancied Sly Stallone than anything else and I spent a very memorable time being his ''cover'' until he found the strength to come out fully and the abuse and ignorance he endured as well as the gun he had held to his head will stay with me forever.

**** Bad Cover Versions.

As a music lover I have to say I can be a bit of a purist . Some of them remind me of the one night stand experience ie they are a bit of fun, but ultimately a bad idea. One that definitely springs to my mind is Madonna's ''American Pie''. To me cover versions are also a sign that the artist is either getting an ego ''Yeah that's a classic, but I'll make it mine'' or has become dellusional enough to think they are paying ''homage''. If a track really inspires you that much it's job is pretty much done: step away from the recording studio and leave it alone. The only thing you are paying is your bank manager.


**** Alfie Moon.

Aw isn't he a lovable rogue? No . He's just Shane Richie er getting paid loads of money to be er Shane Richie in marginally worse shirts. And the whole Kat and Alfie storyline that has become the Alfie looks longingly at Little Mo eventhough she isn't orange plot is bloody annoying. Yes I need to stop watching soaps. I so could put half of the Eastenders cast in here -- I'd save Nigel Harman (Dennis) for me though. Do excuse me while I go and comfort him. It's a hard job but someone has to do it, I knew that psychology degree would pay off one day......

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