The BlueMidget 'Room 101' Interview (Room 101)

Name: BlueMidget

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Product:	Room 101
Date:	22/05/07 (282 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: A change in writing-style...

Disadvantages: Ermm...a change in writing style...

Maul Perton: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s guest is a self-confessed “Grumpy Young Man”. An avid reader, DVD watcher and has perhaps a slightly less than healthy obsession with ‘Red Dwarf’, please would you welcome to ‘Room 101’ – Blue Midget!

Maul: Welcome Blue, thanks for coming on the show.
Blue Midget: Thanks for having me, Maul - pleasure to be here.
Maul: So, did you have any trouble coming up with your list tonight?
Blue Midget: Well… yes and no. There’s a surprising amount of things that annoy me, but when it came down to it, I didn’t think I could put up enough of an argument to actually have them put into Room 101
Maul: So, how did you manage to whittle it down to just five items then? Were there many choices you decided to leave off of your list?
Midget: I decided I wouldn’t bother too much with the obvious ones – you know the sort of thing, “people on mobiles on public transport”, “road works”, “those plastic wrappers you get on things you buy that you can’t open unless you’re a qualified chainsaw expert” – those kind of things. I figured most of them would already have been banished to Room 101, so I thought I’d target some of the other things that bother me.
Maul: So you went for the more obscure topics then?
Midget: I wouldn’t say obscure as such – just ones I felt I could justify having banished.

Maul: Well okay, in that case let’s start with your first choice, which is “The Infamous Celebrity”. What exactly do you mean by that?
Midget: Well, there was a time when someone became famous for having some sort of talent or ability or, at the very least, for having actually “done” something. In some cases it seems to me that ‘celebrities’ are now born out of not what they do, but rather “who” they do. I think a lot of people confuse “infamy” with “celebrity” these days. A classic example is a few years back when the cheater on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”, (was it Major Ingram or someone like that?) was caught. Had he of got away with it, he would have received his one million pounds and that would have been the end of it. Instead, he began getting paid for appearing on television interviews and earnt far more than he would have for playing the game properly! There’s plenty of other examples – Abi Titmus and Paris Hilton are “famous” essentially because their ex-boyfriend’s uploaded certain videos of them to the internet – suddenly they’re releasing books and appearing on prime time television. Big Brother’s Jade Goody is another example – she’s actually considered a bigger celebrity now than the winner of that year’s ‘Big Brother’.
It just saddens me that there are some very talented people out there, be they writers, musicians, actors, volunteers, care-givers, etc. who I think are much more deserving of that sort of media-recognition, but will never have it simply because the media is too busy playing up to the likes of people from reality-TV.

Maul: Ah, now that takes us nicely to your second topic – “Reality TV”.
Midget: I have to be honest and say it didn’t take much thinking to come up with that one.
Maul: What exactly is it about Reality TV that bothers you?
Midget: Well, aside from the fact that it seems to be one of the biggest producers of these ‘infamous celebrities’, I just think it’s started to get out of control. I actually quite enjoyed the first series of ‘Big Brother’, because it was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. In its infancy, it seemed to me that it really was about a social experiment, trying to find out what affect that essentially two or three months of isolation from the outside world would have on the subjects; however, it’s grown into a sort of voyeuristic television in that the ‘contestants’ are often venerable and perhaps even slightly deranged individuals, where the last thing they need is gross media attention. The other problem for me is that it’s spawned a multitude of ill-conceived sequels and clones. To me, ‘Big Brother’ has become ‘Why Bother?’, “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ is ‘I Was A Celebrity, Help Me Re-launch My Career’, (or my personal favourite title, ‘I’m A Cretin, Get Me In Here’) and don’t even get me started on the likes of ‘Shipwrecked’, ‘Wife Swap’, ‘You Are What You Eat’ and the various other shows that fall into that category.
Maul: But don’t you think that some ‘Reality-TV’ shows have brought a sense of entertainment to our lives?
Midget: I guess my real problem is not entirely with the shows themselves, but rather the unending coverage that they get. I’m not singling ‘Big Brother’ out here, but it does show my point exactly – many a time I’ve flicked over to Channel 4/S4C, only to encounter ‘Big Brother’ live showing………everyone sleeping…that, to me, doesn’t exactly strike me as entertainment. Are there really people who have nothing better to do than stay awake watching other people sleeping? I just don’t see why the airtime couldn’t be given to something more entertaining, educating or even just plain amusing.
Maul: Are you saying that there’s no entertainment to be found in ‘Reality-TV’?
Midget: I’ll admit that there have been some interesting shows – I quite enjoyed one a few years ago that I think was called ‘Sleep’, which was about keeping the subjects awake and then getting them to do basic tasks to gauge their cognitive abilities after so many hours of sleep deprivation – I found this interesting because it was actually conducting research into a particular subject. Sadly, it was never repeated, I can only assume that it didn’t attract the same amount of viewing figures as other programmes.
Equally, there is an argument that some shows such as ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ provide a sort of family entertainment that had disappeared at the beginning of the twenty-first century and in many respects I suppose some shows do provide a more wholesome viewing that the whole family can enjoy, harkening back to the days of my youth where the whole family would sit and watch shows like ‘The Generation Game’, repeats of ‘Dad’s Army’ or ‘Morecambe And Wise’. For me, the vast majority of ‘Reality TV’ though is just a means of filling time and shows a lack of originality and, in some respects, credit for the viewing audience.

Maul: Okay, let’s move on to your third choice, which is ‘Children In Pubs And Restaurants’.
Midget: Actually, more ‘Rowdy Children In Pubs And Restaurants’ – I don’t mind the quiet ones. I think pubs and restaurants can be a great experience for kids, (obviously depending on the pub itself) but to my mind it should be both supervised and disciplined. When my sibling’s and I were young, we occasionally got taken to restaurants for special occasions and I can remember it was quite exciting and enjoyable, getting to choose a meal from a menu, being waited on, looking at the décor around the room, (admittedly, at the time I wouldn’t have known it was décor, but you understand my point). The thing was we all knew that a particular behaviour was expected from us, so we behaved accordingly – in fact, my parents are still proud that they were often complimented by other diner’s about how well behaved their children were. I guess it’s a little cliché, but I think the responsibility ultimately rests with the parents to educate and, when necessary, discipline their children on how to behave in certain environments. Letting them run riot through a restaurant can not only be hazardous for the children themselves, but very disruptive for other patrons, I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s had a special occasion somewhat tarnished because of excited or rowdy children.
Maul: You’ve focused on restaurants, but what about pubs? Are they pretty much the same kettle of fish as it were?
Midget: Yes and no; I have slightly different issues with children in pubs compared to restaurants. There are certain family oriented pubs that I think as a patron you should expect and accept a more boisterous kind of child. Many’s a time I’ve been playing pool in my local with my friends on a Sunday afternoon, only to see a small hand reach up from under the table and ‘borrow’ a ball. This is harmless and actually quite entertaining, especially if it’s a small local like mine, where the chances are you know the parent, if not the child themselves; however, I’ve also seen children knocked over or hit in the head by pool cues, or even run in front of people playing darts. Again, up to a certain age, I don’t think the children could really be blamed since, to use another cliché, “they don’t know any better”. I think banning children out-right from pubs would perhaps be a bit extreme, as there is a lot of social and interpersonal skills that can be learnt in that sort of environment, but I do question mentality of some parents whom seem to treat the pub as a nursery whilst they sit there happily drinking and going about their normal adult lives.

Maul: Let’s move on again. Your penultimate choice is 'Idiot Driviers’.
Midget: There was actually several different kinds of drivers I wanted to put into ‘Room 101’, but I realised I’d end up using most of my five options if I did that. Instead, I figured if I grouped them together I’d get rid of several proverbial birds with one large stone.
Maul: How exactly do you define an ‘Idiot Driver’ then? I take it it’s not any one style of driving?
Midget: No, I think ‘Idiot Drivers’ come in various shape, sizes and types of cars and, I actually think ‘Dangerous Drivers’ might be a better term. I suppose the obvious image that would come to most people mind’s would be that of the typical ‘boy racer’, (though I have an issue with the term ‘boy’ racer, since there are now as many females doing similar things), driving around in his ridiculously supped-up car, cutting corners, over-taking on blind bends, etc. - but I think this overlooks the other styles of ‘Idiot Drivers’. If you move to the other extreme, there’s the ’40-Mile-An-Hour Drivers’, the sort of person that drives at 40mph wherever they are. Whilst there is an element of annoyance being stuck behind this kind of driver in a sixty-limit, I think it pails in comparison when you see them blissfully accelerating away from you as you enter a thirty-limit. I don’t think these people realise that this style of driving can be just as dangerous as the ‘boy-racer’ style, giving that in a sixty there will always be some impatient individual who decides to try and overtake four or five cars, and in a thirty they’re actually breaking the speed limit. To me, it strikes me as an inability to actually drive the car, being more a case of the car driving them.
Maul: You’ve given us two examples, but you said there were several – what others would you class as ‘Idiot Drivers’?
Midget: Well, the classic one for me is the kind of driver who believes they’re never at fault, for example the kind who gets caught by a speed camera and it’s the speed camera’s fault that they got caught. I’m sorry, but if you weren’t speeding, you wouldn’t have had the picture taken and the subsequent fine/penalty points on your licence. This argument of “I was only doing thirty-six in a thirty”, or “I was going seventy in a sixty – I can drive at seventy on a motorway!” just doesn’t hold water for me – at the end of the day, whether you agree with the speed restrictions or not, it is a *limit*, not a target – more to the point it’s a legal limit; the argument “I only stole the one television” doesn’t change the fact it’s illegal. I just think some drivers have a bit of a flippant attitude towards the damage and destruction motor vehicles can cause.
Maul: So, you consider yourself a good driver?
Midget: Far from it – I’ve made some bad decisions, but I’ve always reviewed it afterwards from the perspective of ‘Did I do something wrong? Was there something I could have done different there?’ Nine times out of ten, when I’m honest with myself, I realise I was wrong to take a particular action and I try to learn from that mistake and not do it again. I think if more people stopped trying to pass the buck, blaming ‘that other driver’, or ‘that speed-camera’, then the roads would be a lot safer.

Maul: Well, we’re running short of time so let’s move on to your final topic – perhaps more light-hearted than the one’s we’ve already discussed. Your final choice for tonight is ‘Morning People’.
Midget: Well, perhaps not the people themselves, more their proximity to me…
Maul: I’m guessing you’re not a “Morning Person” yourself then?
Midget: Definitely not – I’m very much like a bear with a sore head in a morning. I like to ease myself into the day very slowly, with some peace and quiet. When all you want to do is sit down and read the paper, smoke a cigarette, maybe a warm ribeanna, the last thing you want is some chirpy, happy-go-lucky person coming to talk to you.
Maul: I didn’t know you could smoke warm Ribeanna.
Midget: It takes some practise – stopping it from falling through the paper can be a little tricky.
Maul: Especially first thing in a morning, I’m sure. Seriously though, why ‘Morning People’ as a subject?
Midget: Like I say, I enjoy my peace and quiet first thing. I don’t have a problem with people being energetic first thing, I mean, each to their own and all that – I just wish they’d leave me to wake up before talking about last night’s television programmes, or the accident they nearly had jogging into work that morning. I think the main problem I have with ‘Morning People’ is they think people who aren’t are gruff and moody. I don’t think that’s the case at all, I just prefer being upbeat later in the day.
Maul: So you don’t think the problem is to do with you?
Midget: Ermmm…I suppose you could look at it like that, but if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not put myself into ‘Room 101’…

Maul Perton: Understandable. Sadly, we’ve run out of time and we’ll have to leave it there. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm round of applause - I hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s show. Thanks to Blue Midget, thanks to you and good night!


~~~ (Semi)-Legal Disclaimer ~~~
All characters are fictional – any resemblance to persons living or alive is purely tongue-in-cheek. The views expressed in this interview, changes in writing style and sheer nonsense rest solely with the author – who anticipates that his ‘Not Useful’ rating will go up substantially….
‘Grumpy Young Man’, Maul Perton, ‘Idiot Drivers’ and the letter ‘e’ are not registered trademarks of BlueMidget.

Summary: Can't help feeling I'm going to suffer for this one...here's hoping...