Monkey Peter vents (Room 101)

Member Name: pert_abacus

Product:	Room 101
Date:	14/09/09 (79 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: if there was advantage why would I throw in 101? Idiot.

Disadvantages: Many

After getting some nice responses to his last review Monkey Peter has asked, nay begged to be let loose on Dooyoo again. I don't know why you guys humour him like this but there's a bag full of kittens en route to the canal if I don't let him on so just humour him....

And now without further ado here's 13 things that Monkey Peter wants to consign to Room 101:

1) Nuns. Strange strange women who never have nookie and like hitting your hand with ruler again and again and again. They dress like penguins and claim to be married to God. How can they all be married to God? Is he bigamist? And if they married to God but never put out is that why there so much misery in the world? No wonder he played away with Mary....

2) 'I am the Walrus' by the Beatles. It make no sense and people say Lennon was musical genius. How can he be musical genius with crap like that? If I sing gobbledegook like that on kareoke night at Bear and Phlegm I get booed off stage. And no-one boos Monkey Peter off stage so I have to stop them hard. It not pleasant.

3) Chest wigs for all the obvious reasons.

4) That man who does the naughty things to the big green duck on childrens telly. That Keith Barron or whatever his name is. He dyes a poor ducks feather green, shoves his hand up its bum and does so much damage it have to wear nappy to keep insides in. It wrong and he shouldn't do it on kids tv and he never returns my calls no more.

5) Nostradamus. Everyone you meet in the cafe on Sidmouth Street think he was brilliant but he like predicted the end of the world so many times and each time it doesn't happen all the experts come out and say oh well, maybe next time and it not funny and it scare Vinegar Jenny and I wish he never told people world was ending.

6) Double-glazing. You have to throw man twice as hard to get him out of window.

7) People who shoplift badly. If you going to shoplift do it well. When shops catch people shoplifting they realise it going on and it make it much harder for us professionals to do it without getting caught. And if shops realise that we nicking stuff they have to put prices up so you just hurting everybody really.

8) Una Stubbs. If it wasn't for Una then Cliff would still be virgin and then maybe it would be true that he 2nd coming of Christ and he would be able to save the world but instead it just means we can't listen to Mistletoe & Wine without thinking of him bangin Aunt Sally.

9) The post match analysis on Match of the Day. When I've just watched the bloody highlights I don't need someone to tell me what I've just seen.Just hurry up & show the next game.

10) The fountain of Youth. more trouble than it's worth, believe me.

11) Those masks what make people look like donkeys. When I walk down high street on a Sunday morning and I see all the donkey people walking towards me it freaks me out and I have to hide in bushes til they've all gone away. I've lost so many Mondays that way.

12) TV Series 'The Abacus Chronicles'. I wrote some really good stuff for that programme and they cut it all out and say it porn and unfunny and unkind to wildebeest and they never pay me and they get me into trouble with Equity and I never work again. Plus there weren't enough tits in it.

13) People who most any old crap on dooyoo and expect to get good feedback, most of it made up nonsense and full of spelling mistooks.

Summary: What I want rid of