Things of Love & Hate (Room 101)

Member Name: Ian Proudfoot

Product:	Room 101
Date:	05/03/02 (126 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I can rid the world of them but only in theory

Disadvantages: I really need them too

The concept of Room 101 has always been one of great interest to me. Removed it from it’s original Orwellian context of representing the thing that one man fears it has became synonmous with Friday night light entertainment and the concept of being the ultimate trash can for the things we despise or just find plainly annoying. I initially thought about using it as a tool to cleanse the world of the it’s major problems. Poverty, Bigotry, Selfishness and all the structures that are based around these ingrained human flaws. Then I thought no without these problems I would have nothing to moan and grumble about and there is nothing I like more than a grumble and an ill directed complaint. So instead I bring you a list of the material things that should be thrown onto the executioner’s block that is Room 101.

Limiting myself to just five items because otherwise I could be writing a list to rival the complete UK telephone directory. So position yourself comfortably and welcome to the my own vision of hell as created by material possessions and my relation to them.

Number one on my epistle of materialistic displeasure is the computer. Yes the computer, you can call me a hypocrite or even a luddite. Yes I may have written this article using a computer and posted it using a computer, but my love for computers is limited and the hideous pains they have given me over the years has been colossal. My hatred of computers began back in the days of the Acorn Electron. The hideous cream coloured cut down version of the famous BBC microcomputer. Here I suffered my first agony that of tape loading. There was no agony like waiting twenty minutes for a game to load only for the installation to fall over at the last minute. Meaning that you were back at square one again hoping that next time even the slightest change in atmospheric conditions of the smallest vibration wouldn’t disturb the installation process again. After this traumatic and hair
pulling experience it was many years until I dared touch a computer again. 10 years down the line I finally bought the first of my PCs and my descent into madness was triggered again. I have suffered no end of problems with PCs from Windows crashes to graphic cards burning out, from the joy of Internet Service Providers to computer games that have been so badly programmed that if they were houses they would be condemned on the day of construction. Sure computers are a useful tool in out mass media society but my experience of them has mainly been one of tears of frustration rather than joy.

Next up we have another great invention but also another one that had not only caused me much mental anguish but also much physical pain as well. Ladies and gentleman I present to you the common and garden bike. Great isn’t our two wheeled pedal powered friend, environmentally friendly, economic and it keeps you fit. Marvellous really. No in my experience bikes have been a bane of my life., From the rusty old bike I had as a child to the fancy Dan mountain bike I have now every bike I’ve ever had has been a source of frustration and inexplicable cost. My personal favourite was a red racing bike I had that at over time suffered several hundred punctures, countless chain snapping experiences and one day eventually fell completely to pieces when I was riding it. Then again maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh on bikes a lot of my problems were caused by my own stupidity like the time I thought would be clever to stick my foot in the back wheel and was completely taken back when the bike landed on top of me. Then again if the bike hadn’t been there the though wouldn’t have been there.

My third item has already been mentioned in pasting, it is the audiophile’s favourite format. The audio tape is available in many varieties of oxided metal and fro some reason it’s has an amazingly long shelf life for a format that really is not tha
t good. CDs were invented for one reason in my eyes, not as widely misrepresented to replace vinyl but to kill off audio tape. Well I hope it was. So what is so bad about tape I hear you say. Well for starters it uses compression that knocks out the high and low frequencies meaning the music lacks real dynamics. Next it’s the most easily destroyed format since the wax cylinder that not only wrecks itself but the equipment that is used to play it. I still remember a nasty incident involving a tape version of Ultramarine’s United Kingdoms and my tape deck. It wasn’t until a few days later that I finally removed the final twisted scraps of tape from the cogs and pins the deck following an operation of surgical precision. An experience of such sheer joy and mental endurance than I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

If computers, bikes and tapes are the scourge of the modern industrial age then the next item on my list is an invention that predates these complex times, but is also at the route of many of the previous inventions and is the tyrant of all inventions the clock. My problem is not with what clocks are for but with one kind of clock. The clock that involves the mechanical movement of hands. Many nights I have laid awake and heard the continuous monotonous rhythm of a mechanical clock not only keeping from sleeping by the noise but also mockingly reminding that I not a sleep and that I my sleep time is slowly dripping away with every tick and tock. The only thing I can think would be the worst would be the insistent dripping of a tap, splashing and echoing with it’s relentless progress. Clocks in generally are also the wreckers of dreams, how many times has a wonderful dream been interrupted by the chimes or buzz of a clock’s alarm?

My final item continues my mechanical/technological theme and it is the mobile phone. Unlike the previous items I have no problem with the way in which my mobile phone works and my user i
nterface relationship with it. If the truth be told me and my phone actually get on very well. No the thing I dislike about mobile phones is their omnipresence. I’m as guilty as the next man about having one and using one, but I often think my life has become dominated by it’s presence. No one no longer phones my land line instead my little Nokia has become my gateway to the world of verbal communication. Thinking of it I don’t think I even just called visited a friend without first checking with a call on my mobile to check they’re in. How could I let such a small device change my life so completely? However unlike my other previous victims for Room 101 I don’t really hate it instead it has become my poisonous lover whispering sweet nothings in my ear and slowly taking a stranglehold on my life.

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