Room For 101 More (Room 101)

Member Name: wyrdsister

Product:	Room 101
Date:	17/03/02 (74 review reads)
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Room 101 seems to be latest “it” category, so what kind of Dooyooer would I be if I didn’t offer my own little contribution. If I had my way, the dreaded room would be filled floor to ceiling, but certainly not with all the gold of the new world.

Here are the nominees for the most irritating thing I can thing off that deserve to be banished from the world.



LITTERERS

Now folks, there’s this great invention called the bin, it has many names in many nations but it serves one universal purpose. You stick your litter in it. It seems that the educational institutions are failing the public, as too many people still find it difficult to differentiate the word bin from the word pavement or street. This leads to good number of innocent citizen unknowingly throwing waste and rubbish in their path, ignorant of the existence of the mysterious bins. This occurrence also seems to be affected by the abuse of alcoholic beverages and the presence of late night take-aways. Do me a favour! And as for anyone who tells me that they’re giving someone a job by disposing of their rubbish on the street, I will simply tell them they deserve to end up in the tip, along with the rest of the crap.

INCONSIDERATE DRIVERS

For those who don’t know, cars come with little lights on their side. Some are red or white and others are orange. These are called “Indicators”. They are simple to use: when you want to turn somewhere, you flick the little stick by the steering wheel and the little orange lights will flash and let people know that you are turning. Every car has them, so why don’t all drivers use them? Is it because they want to inadvertently scare or knock down pedestrians? Is it that they want to generally increase driver’s animosity on the road and cause traffic accident? No? So use the damn indicators! There is no room on the roads for this kind of traffic violation, but ther
e’s comfy spot in Room 101 I’m sure.

Motorways have a speed limit. Now, many do not respect this and should be duly arrested, fined and have their licences removed. But what really, really annoys me are those inconsiderate drivers who choose to go on the motorway and then proceed along to a cosy forty miles an hour. This is not only stupid but also stupidly dangerous. If you do not want to drive too fast, that’s your choice, but get off the motorway!

WASHING UP

This is an evil invention, designed to torture and punish us for civilisation. It is a never ending vicious circle in which we are drawn time and time again and we inevitably end up by the sink when we could spend our time doing something worthwhile, interesting or constructive. Washing up destroys the creative mind with its monotonous and hypnotic action and must be a ploy by the governments of nation to stupefy the population. You could say that dishwashers could be used to stop the effects washing up has on the mind, but you would be wrong, they are purposely designed to break down. The brief respite they provide only allows you to taste freedom, and when you are forced back to the sink and marigolds, it will only drive you to madness.

CHEWING GUM

Chewing gum is good for your teeth; it stimulates the production of saliva, which helps to fight tooth decay and tarter formation. A great way to share this is to adopt the brand new approach to chewing gum. Known as the “open gob” school, it encourages the chewer to share his good buccal hygiene techniques with anyone close enough to watch or hear that telling sucking noise. My thoughts on the subject? Shut it! I’m not interested in experiencing what goes on in someone else’s mouth. And if that was not enough to contend with, there’s the disposal of the thing. Do not stick your chewing gum in the ashtray. No, this is just disgusting, no offence but it doesn’t say
gumtray anywhere. Not on the floor or under the table either, how many times do I have do scrape the offending thing off my shoes or clothes! Put it in the bin, I’ve explained how they work.

So there you have it, my own personal cupboard in Room 101. There are of course a few shelves in here still gathering dust but I’m sure they won’t be left idle for too long. Anyway, I’ve got to take my pills now, or I’ll start hearing the voices again. But I’m not mad. Honest.

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