Outstandingly Smelly Naked French People, Get Packing. (Room 101)

Member Name: Muffin_the_Mule

Product:	Room 101
Date:	10/04/02 (620 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: They've gone do you hear me? GONE!

Disadvantages: I forgot to lock the door,, I can still smell them, is that a penis under his belly?

My Dad says lots of things. Sometimes, when I'm there to hear him, he says things that are funny, and other times useful. Sometimes he talks about cars and things that I don't really understand. His Favourite is that Bailey Bridges were made in Stockport.
For those who are still interested, I don?t really know what a Bailey Bridge actually is, other than the army have them and they're good at being bridges. I do know that they're made in Stockport.

Because of my dad, I know lots of useless things, and I even know some useless things that my dad didn't even tell me. How, I'm not sure, I just do.
The gas used in Nike Air Shoes is called Sulphurhexaflouride. And Microsoft Word REALLY doesn't like that word, let me tell you.
I also know even though I've never read the book, that Room 101 was invented by George Orwell, in his nice and fluffy novel, 1984.

It's not, as most people believe, an abyss, oooh no. It's a room where the "Worst thing in the World" happens, according to that individual. That will explain therefore, my choices for aforementioned abyss.

I have a list, and it's a long one, and I might leave some out. But you'll never know if I did or not.
And I contradict myself lots too, C'est La vie.

First up is Smelly people, the sooner they go the better.
Noone ever wants to tell somebody they smell, instead we buy them cheap deodorant for birthdays, Christmas, easter, anniversaries, whenever there's a gift giving excuse.
This causes the problem in that they honestly believe they're popular. Lies Lies Lies.
To paraphrase the great Homer.J.Simpson

'Welcome to Stinksville, Population: You.'

It's good for them in the long run. And for us.

Unfortunately for them, following on from pongers is Communal Changing rooms. Why is it not acceptable to be seen naked in a train station waiting room, yet
blokes with folds on their folds and allowed to take way longer than necessary to dry themselves? I'm sure some of them don't even go swimming, they just pretend so they can be naked. They sometime get a bit lost looking for the showers, and that's when you'll see them by the poolside.
He'll be the one in the trunks that make you wince and on occasion, weep.

At my school, they always had communal changing, and the only boys who would gladly be in the buff were they 12 year olds whose pubes had reached double figures.
I hated them. I tried my best to get out of having to get changed, by cleverly not bringing a kit. I was a genius all the way from home until P.E time came, and you get sent to the Lost property box to choose kit that fitted.
I still have some of that kit in formaldehyde in my loft.

To save space in my Room 101, I'm going to send naked smelly people in, carrying the kit in a bag full of unused deodorant.

That would leave me space for the other kids in P.E. changing room. They were good at Everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Not only would they be on the football, basketball, chess and jam-making teams, the girls would love them too.
They grow up as well, and invent places like www.friendsreunited.co.uk , which is good-people speak for www.letmetellyouhowsuccessfulliam.co.uk . I like having my flaws. They're what makes me me.
Me not being perfect helps others feel better. And I like that. I like me, which is why I'm not sending me in.

That explained, I can move onwards and downwards. I want to put television into my room 101.
All of it. Starting with daytime Sue Everyone You Met lawyer adverts, featuring the world's thickest people.
I quote:

'I woke up and noticed we'd had an accident'
'I stood on some wood'

If the TV was in Room 101, I wouldn't know how thick these people were and I'd be glad.
If TV wa
s in Room 101, I wouldn't have to listen to colleagues at work debating whose not-real-it's-a-soap womb the not-real-it's-a-soap baby should or shouldn't be in.
If the TV was in Room 101, the Government wouldn't be able to charge me £101.50 for the pleasure of not watching it.
There's more. Jimmy Crickett can go in for the sheer audacity of folded Wellington boots and silly hats.
The Kilshaws can go because I just plain don't like her hair.
And porn can go, so that the internet would have to find somewhere else to make me go by accident when I'm showing my mum how safe the internet is.

Hangovers. What kind of cruel joke are they?
Hangovers are akin to winning the lottery, but never actually getting the money.
That would be mean too, so in goes the Lottery.
Hangovers are really not needful. I can feel guilty enough without having to try and not fall off the bed at the same time.
Hangovers take me directly onto me next entry. Jazz Music.
Jazz is the hangover of the music world. They know how to play an instrument. They know they've played the instrument before, but they've temporarily forgotten, and are just making it up.

That's why every so often in a Jazz song, there's a good bit.

The musician's memory is returning bit by bit.
I need a lie down, but before I do, I'm going to put ladies with man-like facial hair, all things that sting and France in, just because I can.

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