The Door's Open, Come On In... (Room 101)

Member Name: BizzyB

Product:	Room 101
Date:	24/05/02 (194 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: -

Disadvantages: -

Some people want to be famous for the monetary rewards, others want and need the adoration or others. I have no such desire though the temptation rises if it means I could be on Room 101.

I don't think of myself as an unduly negative person yet the chance to banish those niggling things that get on your nerves seems so attractively therapeutic so I thank dooyoo for giving me the chance to have a little rant before returning to optimism and rose tinted glasses.

Item 1:
This is the one item that if I could get it into Room 101 my life would be complete?
Salad Cream Snot.
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Heinz salad cream is a superb item but with one flaw. Around the rim of the bottle the sauce congeals into a snot like substance which makes my stomach turn at the mere thought. As a child (okay I admit it, as an adult too) I walk into rooms with the bottle at arms length begging people to rid it off this foul build up. The glass bottles are the worst culprit so with the introduction of the plastic squeezy bottle many years ago I was hopeful of a solution. Not so. Salad cream snot can form on any container.

Item 2:
"It's Alright For Some People"
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I have tried to steer clear of simply writing a list of famous and infamous people who annoy me. However I cannot resist putting in a whole section of the population. These people are the truly negative, the miserable, the ones who can always find the bad in the story and there is one sentence they use that sums them up beautifully. Imagine the scenario:

A person has a dreadful time for whatever reason and a tiny bit of good fortune comes their way and those around them are pleased and happy on their behalf except those who say "well it's alright for some". The minute I hear this sentence I cringe and can feel a fist involuntarily forming. What goes around, comes around - find som
e positive vibes you misery guts!

Item 3:
Skip Intro
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An internet gripe next. I'm not hugely technical. I can find my way around and have had a go at making my own website which is plain but functional. So it is with admiration I see those who can do the 'fancy stuff' such as flash and the like. However, I don't always want to sit through the flash introduction especially if I have seen it ad naseum before and so the cursor heads straight for the skip intro link?and it doesn't work or worse still it just sets the intro off again! Sometimes I long for the days of boring old html!

Item 4

"Please press 4?"
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I can hear the cries of the majority with this one. Helplines, we seem to need one for every thing - our ISP, bank, telephone company, digital television. By the nature of the beast when you phone a helpline you are usually already wound up to some extent as you have a problem you want solved, you want a real person to help you in your dilemma. And so the invention of the automated line came about.

"If you are ringing about a billing inquiry please press1, if you are ringing regarding a new subscription please press 2" and on and on.

And after a treasure hunt of pressing all those numbers you come to your final destination and do you get a real person? Do you heckers like you get another automated message saying?

"The number you require is 08?"

Argh, you phone that number and ride starts again.

Please press 1 if you would like to thump the person who invented this supposedly great advance in customer care.

Item 5
The Pain of Inanimate Objects
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I hold two groups of people wholly responsible for highlighting this embarrassing aspect of my emotions.

Firstly, Blur and the milk cartoon in the video for Cof
fee and TV and secondly, the Carphone Warehouse and their series of adverts with dejected mobile phones. I have physically fought back the tears when watching these. I can sit through the news with stories of true human suffering yet faced with an unloved mobile phone on legs and I'm moved. I believe I am not the only person to suffer this affliction and no doubt psychologists around the world will name it a phenomenon where we can only express our true emotions in a controlled way.

If you to have this problem never watch a film called Silent running with Bruce Dern. Dern stars as the warden of a space ship set in the future that has eco-domes growing saving plants from extinction. He is helped by three cute robots. One gets sucked into space (I cry), the other is damaged and has to be 'put to sleep' (I cry) and the third is left alone in one of the biodomes that is jettisoned into space. He has a little dented watering can and goes off into outerspace on his lonesome caring for the plants (I cry).

Item 6
"I'm mad I am?"
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Oh dear, I can't resist putting another group of people in. You know who they are, the ones who can't stop telling you "I'm mad I am, I'm bonkers, crazy". They are always the most boring people on earth. As Shakespeare said "The lady protesteth too much". Enough said.

Item 7
Dust Jackets
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Dust jackets on books annoy me. I'm sure the principal is fine and dandy that they are there to somehow protect the book but instead they get crumpled, the edges rip and they look decidedly messy and untidy. Remove the dust jacket and you are often presented with the most beautifully prepared hard back cover - wonderfully. And here's a novel idea. Buy a duster wipe the bookcase and its contents at regular intervals - problem solved.

Item 8
Private Number Plates
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And for my finale, an item that is up there with Salad Cream Snot. Private number plates.

There was a great story recently of a Nottingham man who was so incensed by them he made his own up "NAFF G1T" and would drive around beeping at private number plate owners and pointing to his number plate. He was told by the police to change the plate or face action. I think he was great.

What is the point of a private number plate? I can almost see the sense if it is on a company vehicle and it is a form of promoting the business but otherwise, why??

People with orange tans and private number plates <shudder> or worse still people with private number plates on old bangers. The word sad looms large or maybe N0L1FE

Thank you dooyoo, I feel remarkably calm now!

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