| Product: |
Room 101 |
| Date: |
06/04/04 (112 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: I suppose that the yin-yang balance of good and rubbish must be maintained
Disadvantages: I don't like these things. Not a bit.
?all ye who enter here. Ah, the Room 101 discussion. Who hasn?t watched Paul Merton, or to a lesser extent that ?They Think It?s All Over? bloke, and thought they could easily come up with material. Obviously Room 101 is slanted as a comedy show, with most of the guests being comedians or at least TV personalities with a sense of humour, so the choices they make have to be both from the heart and interesting enough to get five minutes of funny material out of.
I am not a comedian, and you can sleep at night assured that I will never try to be, and as such my selections won?t be as humorous as Ricky Gervais? suggestions on the only episode I really liked. There are also many serious problems in the world that we see in the news on a daily basis that I don?t know enough about, and don?t feel I can expand upon, that I hope you won?t think I have overlooked. If there really was a Room 101 I would shove in all those negative aspects of life and death, however my personal room is restricted to items on a smaller scale. Let the slander commence.
TV ADVERTISEM ENTS
These I really, really have a problem with, and they ruin my enjoyment of that wonderful waste of time, the television programme. Since I was young I?ve been annoyed by the interruptions on ITV and Channel 4 when I?d been enjoying a film or a show, and this has only escalated since I started hanging around with friends who had Sky TV. The repetition and low quality of the majority of adverts, as well as their longevity, means that viewers end up watching the same piece of film far more times than their favourite TV shows or films. The other annoying aspect of adverts is the way some of them are annoyingly catchy or memorable, especially the
children?s adverts my eardrums have to endure while my I try and type reviews and my brother sits back watching SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon.
Even I can appreciate that some adverts are funny, especially when they show a grinning animal with loads of teeth, but I?d gladly sacrifice their existence to cut the duration of viewing time for a film by over half an hour. I don?t actually watch a lot of scheduled TV, as there isn?t much to appeal to my unfortunately limited tastes, and an advantage of DVDs and videos is that once you?re into the feature there are no adverts in sight.
As a substitute for Paul Merton?s funny and appropriate clips, there follows a list of the most annoying adverts that are not worthy to grace the filthiest broken black-and-white screens in the sweatiest hovel of Room 101:
* Lombard Direct. A swear word has yet to be invented that would describe my hatred for that bloody blue talking phone.
* Claims adverts. There are surprisingly few companies that actually advertise these, but they do them by the bucketload. As I watched the run-through of sci-fi series ?Farscape? on Sci-Fi channel last summer there were three advert breaks interrupting the show every day, all of which would feature the exact same adverts by Claims Direct and others, and they are rubbish.
* Any child?s advert in the world ever. It doesn?t matter whether they are boys? adverts, with shouting voices and pathetic music, or girls? adverts with annoying sing-a-longs, I hate them all. Current examples I hear daily include ?Bratz,? ?My Scene? and ?Binweevilz,? however these names are spelled.
I realise the irony that by trying to get rid of adverts by annoying companies I have inadvertently ended up advertising them myself, but as these are only writ
ten adverts they are without sound and thusly infinitely less annoying. So there.
D*** HEADS
I can?t think of a better term to describe these people. Abusive, disrespectful youths that turn into abusive, disrespectful men and women, and raise families in the same way. I?ve been a victim of bullying myself by these people, mainly due to admittedly being a speccy four-eyes, but there are far more people who have to suffer every day. They are also largely the reason for my next serious choice.
CRIME
This is quite a large and surprisingly serious topic for me to cover, but I feel its effects every day. Whether it?s having to ensure I enter and exit my online bank account as fast as possible, waiting for someone else to arrive home so I can go out (if they don?t have a key), or simply having to pay more for a product that would possibly cost less if not for a company?s losses through theft, I find crime a huge issue that could theoretically be tackled. The problem is that society perpetuates crime; lower income families will desire the things they cannot afford, while there are so many useless consumer products that we feel the need to own. I could certainly live without my DVDs and CDs, in fact I?ve started trying to do so in order to raise money for more worthwhile investments in the future, but everyone still wants to own things.
If I found twenty pounds on the floor I would keep it for myself, partially due to the finders-keepers, selfish mentality instilled in me through my time at an all-boys school, and I dislike this aspect of myself.
Which brings me fittingly on to my final choice:
NEGATIVE ME
I quite like myself, and I?m sure a lot of people feel a similar way about themselves. E
ven Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Dahmer the Milwaukee Cannibal must have found their respective policies on unfounded racism and killing and eating one?s friends quite good, but I?m sure there are many people who have aspects of themselves they wish they could get rid of.
To look at me you?d think I was quite a shy person with a friendly personality and incredibly unattractive features and you?d be right. I don?t have a problem with my personality, presumably as a personality itself is a sense of what you like, and as for the grotesque features, I never find this a problem. At least I won?t get invited for a meal round Jeffrey Dahmer?s place.
But I hate my timid nature. It?s another thing I?ve inherited from my Dad, along with my desire to always find the most painstaking bargain. I hate feeling unconfident around people, and I can only hope that when I begin University I?ll meet enough new comrades to start feeling more secure. It?s not like I?ve got anything to feel insecure about, aside from my speccy four-eyes which I love. I also used to have quite a bad temper when I was younger and despite being able to control it now, especially as I?m not in the vicinity of d*** heads so often, I feel better able to control my rage. But as a regular victim of headaches, I can be quite a bas***d to my younger brother some days and feel unable to prevent it.
Oh yes, and every few months I really, really can?t get to sleep.
CONCLUSIO& #78;
So there we have it, four aspects of society and me presented incoherently and in a completely erratic way, but which will hopefully give away far more about my temperament than I intended them to. Why not write your own Room 101 review in this category and show it to your friends? As long as the
y aren?t totalitarian leaders of Nazi states or bearded cannibals that is.
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