Step Over the Edge (Sports Equipment in General)

Member Name: cbpotts

Product:	Sports Equipment in General
Date:	03/08/01 (112 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Rappelling provides an unbelievable feeling of freedom.

Disadvantages: It's scary as heck.

A phobia is defined as, "a persistent, abnormal, or irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid the feared stimulus." There are two fears that borderline between phobias and normal fears; the fear of loud noises and the fear of heights. While I'm not a fan of loud noises (especially the incredibly annoying bass sound emitted by low riding, big wheeled pimp mobiles being driven by today’s youth), I would say that it is safe to say I suffer for a healthy dose of acrophobia, the fear of heights. Acrophobia is classified as a Panic Disorder, which is a term used to describe mental afflictions such as anxiety, post traumatic stress and phobias.

It must be something that runs in our family. I can remember going to visit a museum which had one room that was made to look like endless sky. There were clouds up above and a mirror on the floor so if you stood on it, you looked like you were standing on endless air. My younger brother took one look at the area and had to get on his hands and knees and crawl out of the room because he was so scared and had such strong vertigo.

I'd like to be able to say that I'm not that bad. Ok, I'm really not THAT bad. However, I do have an irrational fear when it comes to being lofted anywhere above 6 inches. Step ladders and chairs can give me the willies, wet palms and cold sweats if the mood hits. Driving over bridges is especially bad. I have clear visions of my car sailing off the span into the clear blue sky and plummeting down in Wiley the Coyote fashion every time. Amazingly though, I when I fly I have to have a window seat in order to be able to at least see the ground. No one ever said that a phobia was a rational thing, you know.

It does not bother me that I have this fear of heights (or more accurately, fear of falling) because I do not let it control my life. I learned that I was able to take control several years back...ok, 17
years back...when I went on a wilderness expedition that I knew included climbing and rappelling. It's a masochist that puts themselves through this kind of adventure to prove to themselves that they’re not THAT afraid, in case you're wondering. This trip was a three-week survival trip that included canoeing, hiking, a 3-day solo experience, and the dreaded climb and rapel. I knew we were in for trouble when our leader made us empty our backpacks in front of her and then made us take out all but three pairs of underwear. That's a pair a week. In any event, since we all smelled, it was easier to tolerate and we got through the canoeing and hiking parts of the expedition pretty well, with only minor complaints.

During the three-day solo experience on the shores of Lake Superior, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could break my arm or leg. I prayed. I hummed and sat cross legged. I considered suicide. Unfortunately the day came that we were supposed to go to the cliff face and I was still in excellent health physically. We hiked from Superior to the cliff and I stood there (way back, mind you) looking over Lake of the Clouds and watching birds fly below me.

The cliff that we were using for this bit of adventure was in northern Michigan; the Upper Peninsula; and was "only" 250 feet. However, it's like water. If you don't know how to swim, a pool can be 7 feet or 700 feet and you'd still drown. We sat on the rocks and listened to our instructor go over the rules of rappelling, teaching us how to fasten the harness, tie the ropes safely, close the carabiners, belay each other, and basically stay alive for 250 feet. I hung on every word she said, however, in the back of my mind I was still fixated on trying to figure out a way to break a body part before my turn to rapel came up. Unfortunately, while I am some sort of masochist, I do have an intense aversion to pain so, eventually it ca
me my time to walk to the edge of the cliff and get hooked into the ropes. The harness that a climber wears resembles a diaper with most of the padding missing. It's made of very strong stapping that’s webbed together to be worn like a pair shorts. The rope is attached to this harness by means of a series of knot and a carabiner at the bellybutton area. A rappeller hold the rope in one hand near the their butt and in the other hand in front of their face. So, there I stood. One hand at my backside, the other out in front of me with a lifeline being gripped. I turned my back to the cliff and slowly backed up until my heels felt nothing beneath them.

At this point, I was supposed to slowly fall backwards until I was in a sitting position with my posterior waving in a 250 foot breeze. Then, a step over the edge. It took a few minutes (which felt like hours), but, I'm extremely proud to say, I did it. I took the step over the edge. The hand holding the rope by my backside controlled my decent. At first I did a slow seated walk down the cliff, never looking down, never looking around, just trying to control a quivering lip, incredible fear and the thought that I was going to toss my cookies. Eventually, however, the thought finally made it through to my brain that I was not going to plummet to my death but that here I was with a once in a lifetime opportunity to fly 250 feet above the earth and I was wasting it. So, I looked around at the incredible scenery. And, then I let the rope slide through my fingers as I pushed out and soared down the face of the cliff.

It was a different person that arrived at the bottom of the cliff from the one who stepped over the edge. I didn't just rapel. I stepped into confidence and out of fear. Will I ever do it again? Heck no. But I don't have to. I have done it. The hardest part with most things that scare us is that first step. Once I had taken that step over the edge, I couldn&#
39;t go back and wouldn't have wanted to. I learned and grew through my experience of rappelling and while I am still afraid of heights, it just doesn’t matter anymore because I control it instead of it controlling me.

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