Babies Arent the Latest Accessory- Although You'd Think they Were! (Teenage Pregnancy)

Member Name: pearlydewdrop

Product:	Teenage Pregnancy
Date:	03/07/08 (118 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Having babies young, in a stable relationship, can be a good thing if youre ready

Disadvantages: State provision of all your resources- sucks for the taxpayer, and so much more ...

My mum and dad were teenage parents in the 1960's, and believe me, I doubt they'd recommend it. They all but lost their youth and I know my Dad resented this for many years, and wasnt mature enough at the time to realise that those feelings of regret can be passed from one generation to another and seriously marr a childs upbringing. My mum and dad have been married for 46 years now, and even though they had kids young (the first two, my brother and I were 80's kids), they survived and enjoyed a largely happy and fulfilled marriage. That is the major difference with todays apparent 'culture of young parents'- they dont feel obliged to marry, and make the family unit complete. My parents lived with the initial stigma of my Mum being an unmarried mother, and then got married when she was 4 months pregnant. They both felt railroaded, but at least my Mum didnt have to endure the humiliation and ill-treatment that was dished out by judgemental midwives on the 1960's labour wards.


My mum once told me how distressing it had been to watch young mums being spoken so badly to in the maternity suites- unmarried, young mothers were seen as 'fallen women', temptresses, and sex-addicts who had corrupted men and got their 'just-desserts' by falling pregnant. Married ladies were afforded more respect and called Mrs So-and-so, whilst unmarried mothers were either ignored, whispered about or treated roughly. Some, at the height of their painful contractions, were told to 'suck it up', it was no less than they deserved for being dirty women. To top it all off, adoption was pretty much thrust upon these unwitting young women, and a generation of children (the product of 'free love') were resentful at having been consigned to a life in homes for unwanted children.


Some teenage mums dont know how easy they have it now. In my view, the attitude to these women (and men, they are at least half responsible here!) has gone too far the other way. It must have been terrible to be given no option but to surrender your rights to your child, in the 1960's, but now its taken for granted that the state will raise your child financially- even if you knowingly get pregnant with no resources or family support behind you. That is the crunch of the matter really.....there is a culture, in a certain sections of teenage 'communities', of irresponsibility and resignment to only being capable of procreating. Sex is easy, but I dont think these kids have the intelligence to comprehend the enormity of their neglect of contraceptive measures. Babies are precious, and although I dont doubt many teenagers love their infants, I was 23 when I gave birth, I had a home, a fiancee (who I married when my baby was 4 months old), and we both had good jobs, and I know that I wasnt fully prepared for the commitment required in raising a very ego-driven new being.


Now, when I talk about 'teenage parents', I am not talking about that rare but amazing breed of stable couples whose longing is to have a family young. That, to me, is an admirable wish and something that I can only respect. I personally doubt I could have coped with parenthood at 16, 18, or even 20, and I was a pretty mature and sensible young girl. I think my maturity meant that i knew instinctively that I didnt want children young- they are hard work, demanding, and a drain on your physical and mental being. Maybe seeing my mum doing such a good job made me aware that I couldnt possibly do as well as her if I was 16. I love my little girl dearly, so much it hurts sometimes, and shes a sheer joy to bring up, but damn is parenting hard. It calls on every scrap of your resources of patience, tolerance, strength, and determination. Its the hardest, but most fulfilling job Ive ever done and will ever do. Its as simple as that.

When the teenage girls lay down and 'perform' for some lad, does it even enter their head that a baby could be the product of a pretty meaningless act (again, please dont be offended if you were a responsible teenage mum/dad, you are a credit to your child- Im talking about a different situation here). I wonder if these girls are looking for security in a 'mini-made family' of their own- the misguided belief that a child will be able to show them instantaneous love and appreciation for their efforts as a parent. I learnt very early on that babies simply want cuddles, smiles, a bottom change and milk during the day...a bit of mental stimulation, bath and then bed..oh and fresh air. They arent little 'love robots' that are going to pick you up when you feel low, premenstrual, or a p*@sed off at your boyfriend. Whilst they are beautiful little beings, they sap every ounce of love and attention you can muster, and this doesnt mix well with an immature parent (intellectually immature, not just in age).


I will say that there are plenty of rubbish older parents out there, but then they are just teenagers or kids that have never grown up anyway. Maturity should come with age, but it doesnt always work out that way. There are good parents, and bad parents- the good parents make mistakes, blame themselves, pick themselves up again, and try not to make the mistake again. The not so good ones probably dont even know that they are messing up, and just muddle through perpetuating a new generation of feckless adults who dont understand the meaning of responsibility. God only knows Im not perfect, but I guess we can but do our best. Anyone who loves their child deserves respect- age, in this respect, is irrelevant.

Summary: Teenage parents arent ideal, but then some older parents are rubbish too.