Things My Mother Taught Me (The family unit)

Member Name: cbpotts

Product:	The family unit
Date:	18/07/01 (61 review reads)
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Advantages: many

Disadvantages: none

"Always clean behind the toilet," she said. "Men check there." I was probably in high school, just beginning to really get a handle on the hormones that were making their presence known with a vengence.

Before I go too far with this, I guess some background is needed. I have recently crossed the line into my 40th year so I grew up during a time when the average household still had two parents. My mom and dad immigrated from France to the U.S. when I was a child, so while I was raised in American neighborhoods, churches and schools, I had the benefit of an "other culture" upbringing as well.

So, when I suddenly discovered men, Mom sat me down and had a long conversation with me about the qualities in a woman that men seek. There were three:

1. Men look for women who are neat. It's important to keep a clean house and, as mentioned above, to clean behind the toilet, because they check there.

2. Men look for women who can sew. Not cross-stitch, mind you. Sewing machine sewing. Dresses, skirts, suits, the real thing.

3. Men look for women who can cook. Even in France, I guess the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

So, in order to make sure that I was ready for that day when I met Mr. Right, Mom was gracious enough to allow me to practice these things. I was privileged to be able to clean our bathroom many times. I was forced, I mean allowed, to watch her prepare meals and help out as I could. And, I sewed, seam-ripped, sewed and seam-ripped some more.

I've dated a few men in the years since I left home. During that time I've never noticed any sign that the spot behind my toilet had been checked. I was never asked to make a suit for someone or whether I had made the dress I wore on our evening out. In fact, though I made spectacular gourmet dinners, none appear to have made a lasting impact.

These things that my mother told me are
skills that in some instances can be helpful, but are definitely not the things that make a good relationship or marriage. What my mother didn't realize were the things she taught me without even trying. The things that made a lasting impact and that are, in the end, most important.

1. Respect your spouse. My mom and dad had disagreements and differing opinions, but I never saw them call each other names or do anything to demean the other person, or us.

2. Show affection. I can't remember a day when my mom wasn't waiting for my dad to walk in the door at the end of the day. They always greeted each other with a hug and a kiss. There are many times I saw him goose her affectionately as he walked by her in the kitchen. Even now, after 45 years of marriage, it's rare for them to be sitting next to each other and not touching, whether it's a hand on an arm, or holding hands.

3. Play. It's still a vivid memory for me even though I was only 8 or 9. Hearing my dad coming up the stairs after locking the house up for the night and going into their bedroom. Then the sound of low conversation, and suddenly, giggles. Even more unbelievable, my dad calling for to us to come help him because mom was tickling him. We, of course, declined, and their door was soon shut. But we went to sleep with smiles because our parents played together.

4. A cord of 3 is not easily broken. My parents did not raise us on their own. They relied heavily on Christ being the center of our household and the center of their lives and marriage.

I was married to the greatest guy in the world last month. It's my hope and prayer that the things my mother taught me, both deliberately and inadvertently will help Doug and I have 45+ years full of as much love and joy as their marriage is.

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