Sometimes a family is just one person and a pet rat.... (The family unit)

Member Name: dawnfrancis

Product:	The family unit
Date:	08/08/01 (41 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: you can do what you want when you want

Disadvantages: expensive, society looks down on you, lonely

Please excuse me while I just set up my soapbox and stand on it.........

I am one of the many millions of Britains who does not have a conventional family unit. In fact my 'family' consists of me and my pet rat Angel together in a tiny one-bedroomed flat in a nice part of Birmingham. I thought it was about time someone spoke out for different family lifestyles, namely 1) the adult who still lives at home, and 2) the adult who lives completely alone. I have experienced both of these lifestyles and have found both to be often very, very difficult.

I don't want to go into too much personal detail here but years of health problems meant that I lived at home with my mum until the age of 29. And it's at this point that the first part of my rant begins.

I did not move out because I was ready. I moved out because I could not stand the disapproval of society any more. People thought I must be either gay or mentally retarded because I was still with my mom. Not only were those opinions hurtful to me, they are also extremely derogatory towards gay/lesbians, and people with learning disabilities. People thought it was their right to pry into my private life because I 'wasn't independent', even asking about stuff like sex and how much money I paid my mother for 'keep' :-0

Eventually I felt so damn abnormal I forced myself to move out, and like I said, now live alone. The stress this caused resulted in a dramatic worsening of my health problems and I now realize I should have waited until *I* was ready, instead of bowing down to society's demands.

So my first rant is for the 'rights' of families where adult children still live at home. And I say to anyone in that position - good on you! Whether you're there for financial, health, or emotional reasons, or simply there because you like it, is no-one else's business. And to everyone else, please don't judge this typ
e of family. It has as much worth as any other type. Don't automatically assume the person is still at home because they are 'weird' in some respect. Can't we have more tolerance of different lifestyles than that? I ask you - what is better, to live happily with relatives that you love for as long as you like, or to move out and be miserable just to satisfy people's ideas of what they think you should do?

Anyway, on to living alone. Well if you're in this situation you will know that you are more or less a second class citizen. For one, it will be damn hard for you to find somewhere to live. In Birmingham rental and house prices are astronomical for someone alone. This is an example of the economic prejudice we suffer. I have a good job and I work hard, yet I struggle to keep a roof over my head compared to my married/attached friends who often have less qualifications than me, less demanding jobs, yet nice houses, cars e.t.c. Nearly half of my salary goes out on rent alone. It would be the same if I had a mortgage. after bills etc I'm left with precious little to spend, and this just reinforces my sense of isolation.

Economic prejudice is a big part of the discrimination against us 'singletons'. It includes unfair practices such as only getting 25% off council tax bills (when living with someone effectively halves the bill) nothing off water rates ....and of course, we never even get a look-in when it comes to tax cuts in the budget.

Another form of prejudice is more socially based. You don't notice until you're alone how everything comes in twos. For example, I can't even buy a single cream cake at Asda. Now this might seem relatively trivial. But imagine you live alone because of circumstance - for example, you've lost your husband/wife. Every time you go into the shop and are forced to buy 'for two', your loss is thrown right up in your face.

So you
think 'Ok I'll go on holiday and get away from it all'....WRONG! More often than not you'll have to pay an extortionate single supplement, and then end up with some rubbish cupboard that passes as a 'room'. Again, your single status, and the reasons for it, are very forcibly brought to your attention. You can't even relax in front of the TV. How many soaps do you know with single people in them? Even the adverts are full of traditional family stereotypes.

Oh, and people STILL think I must be a lesbian or be 'retarded'. Moving out of my mom's certainly didn't solve that! Like many youngish singletons, my lack of a partner sets me apart in some people's minds, and makes me feel as if I still live on the fringe of society.

Let's have more tolerance of people's families....whether they be the traditional hubby and wife plus 2.4 kids, the adult children who want to stay with their parents, the divorced, widowed, and single people, same-sex couples, whatever. We can do a lot by accepting people _however_ they choose to live..that simple action alone could do a lot to relieve the sense of isolation and loneliness suffered by those of us who do not live in the conventional family.

And let's try to make the government aware of the considerable financial stress encountered by those of us who live alone, who receive only our own income.....but who pay as much as couples for most of life's essentials.

To end on a lighter note, my married/attached friends assure me there are definitely advantages to the single life. In particular, they reckon sharing your bed with a pet rat is far preferable to having a bloke in there ;-D

Thanks for reading, and whatever your family consists of, enjoy it!

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