The Stars And Gripes (The good and bad things to come from America)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	The good and bad things to come from America
Date:	16/03/08 (141 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Many good things...

Disadvantages: Many bad things...

Martin Amiss memorable said:"Drop me anywhere in America, and I'll tell you where I am-I'm anywhere in America". He is, of course, talking about their soulless metropolises and those endless fast-food franchised highways, rather than the majestic open spaces that link glittering skyscraper forest with beautiful and diverse countryside that defines the U.S. America really is one world in one country, from the ice fields of Alaska to the stunning deserts of Arizona, every state different and only the arid baron lands of Texas a disappointment to me when I traveled from coast to coast. But America is not everyone's friend right now so it's a good time for the good and bad things about a country that couldn't be me polarized.

A is for Arizona

Although the very name suggests an arid dust bowl of tumbleweed and acid burnt tundra's it really is a beautiful place. From the iconic cacti to the surprising volcanic landscapes it's just another world out there. I was there in June in the mid-nineties and in one spot it was 100 degrees and then after twisting through a forest on the way to Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon we were in some snowfields. With the mysterious Nevada to your left and New Mexico that lives up the its name on the right it's the centre of the arid west.


B is for Barak Obama

66% of black males of working age in Alabama can't vote because they have a criminal conviction, the remaining 34% likely to be more conservative and hard working so go with Republican McCain or Mrs Clinton. With the Latino block voting on racial lines against Barak I'm wondering where he is going to get these votes to win come polling day. If the women stay with Hilary on similar loyalty lines it may even let McCain in to win. Shouting 'Change' every sentence and flashing his teeth isn't enough for me. I hope he does win as he will have to address that 66% cost to the country that's the main divide. Let's just hope he doesn't get gunned down as an expression of that still simmering hate.

C is for Bill & Hilary Clinton

If Hillary wins the Whitehouse it will be because she is a woman and if Barak wins it's because he is black. That's how they vote in America. If Hilly does seal it, it will be neat symmetry: Bush...Clinton...Bush...Clinton, at least twenty years of the two clans running the world into the floor. Its hard to believe that Bill was impeached for his oral antics in the Whitehouse and Bush has destroyed a whole country and murdered 100,000 people yet still untouched by the same legal act. Maybe the impeachment process was really about getting Clinton out sharpish so the hawks could get into Iraq quicker.


D is for Dallas...

On one of many road trips I did I took in Dallas and did the JFK thing. The actual shot from the Book Depository is not far at all from where the car was, about 50 yards at most, just a small tree to negotiate. A good sniper couldn't miss and the tree branches the bullet had to weave through could easily have easily caused confusion with echoes and third bullets. Bullets are designed to spin through the air to cause the maximum damage from a snipers rifle and for me there's nothing unexplained about this shooting. The Deely Plaza was the best chance to take the president out from a sniper who wanted to do just that and he did.

E is for Earthquakes

'When the city rocks we roll'. That was the tag-line for a cab firm in San Francisco when I was hanging out there after one of my trips, just two months after the Los Angeles quake in Northridge. California is right on the St Andreas fault and unlike that little rumble we had last month, these guys have biggies! Quakes are exciting things to say the least and I learned that you should always have slippers and torch at the ready in California in case the big one comes. The slippers are for the glass on the floor and one should always stand under the door frame on the top floor as it's the safest place-apparently.

F is for fast food

F is really for fat in America, 40% of the nation classed as overweight, even higher in the African American community, considerably bigger people than their ancestors down in Africa. But boy do America do great fast-food, diners like Denny's my particular favorite. And what about those free big gulps of soda you get in gas station and cafes. My top snack over there is the ribs!

G is for the Grand Canyon.

Unofficial New Orleans is the biggest hole in America, but officially it's the Grand Canyon, which is an astonishing site when you first look over the edge. And those edges are high, 6,000ft up on the north face, higher than any mountain in Northern Europe. When I was there in June it was snowing on the north lip. The problem with trekking out there is that after an hour or so you are just looking at a big hole. Imagine starring at the Mona Lisa for half-hour and that's the sort of weary contempt the experience garners. And yes the Brits do throw their empties over the side. They say the rafting is good at the bottom on the Colorado River and the mule trip is also recommended. But book ahead.

H is for Hollywood

It's the place that creates the American Dream on celluloid but when you go there it's all hidden away behind studio walls and security cordons, only the occasional special-effect- mushroom cloud racing up over the whitewashed walls any clue movies are being made here. I managed to figure out how to climb up to the Hollywood sign without being arrested and if you can see through the smog it is quite a surreal moment as you scratch something obtuse on the back of the big iron letters that have had more coats of paint than the Forth Bridge. It's certainly the signpost to North America to say you have arrived.

I is for Iraq...

Iraq has been the defining issue of the Bush presidency and even though things are quieting down out there you can only presume that is because of the militias are on-side and dividing up power, the next Saddam born out of them at the US military's discretion. Those who were against the war were intelligent, those for, idiots. America is full of idiots. Dictators are the only proven leaders out there and I'm sure the oil companies are browsing the catalogues for a suitable one right now and blowing smoke up their ass.

J is for Jail

One in four American men has been to jail and there are 6 million in prison at any one time. 69% of the prison population is Black /Hispanic with one-in-four of all black people and one-in-five in Americans having some sort of prison conviction in their life time. Prison polarizes America and its part and consequence of the racial divide. One lot (the non tax payers) commits a lot of crime on the other (the tax payers).

K is for the Kennedy Space Station

The great American writer Norman mailer once wrote that when he watched the Saturn Five booster blast the astronauts to the moon on the Apollo 11 with its one million horsepower 'it was the first time man could really talk to God. Before you die you need to get down to Florida to see a Shuttle go up, especially at night. Its is the most breathtaking site you will ever see and the waves of light and noise that hits you is extraordinary, even though your 15 miles away, the closest the general public are allowed. That crackling and fizzling roar, followed by the supernova of superheated rocket fuel lighting up, will live with you for ever. It's like a tiny star being born. The weirdest thing is the way the rocket seems to arch back to earth as it finds its orbit, which you can see for ages from earth during a night launch.

L is for Los Angeles

Talk about an over-rated city. There are hardly any bars and everyone wants to be in the movie business and either works in a restaurant or are the customers there, some sort of tacit understanding that one day you will be sitting not serving and so in showbiz. Some very plain people tell you they are going to be famous, their first 4 few thousand dollars earnt being spent on new teeth. In fact L.A`s economy seems to be based on these false dreams. The beaches are empty in summer and the only nightlife seems to be private parties in the hood or up on the Hollywood Hills. I got lucky with a chick and stayed in one of those old houses up on the Malibu cliffs (next to Johnny Carson's pad) and enjoy my own Jacuzzi and widescreen TV straight from the TV show Hart to Hart. In a city of few iconic buildings L.A is done by driving around it for the day before you blast up the Pacific Coast Highway to the beautiful San Francisco for the real holiday. Its just waste of energy and uses the total power bill for an African country like Ghana on its air conditioning alone in summer.

M is for Miami

If the beautiful people on here want to have some fun then Miami is the place. Forget the pose of L.A and NY, South Florida is the place to party. A line of coke (if you indulge) is cheaper than a Britney Spears CD and the sexy Latin mix of salsa and tunes, mixed in with the words most beautiful women from South America and Hollywood that hide here in the winter sun. It is very sexy place with the hottest beaches and nightlife you can imagine. And if you toddle down to South Beach you are almost guaranteed to see somebody famous doing a fashion or movie shoot. The three times I have been there to hang out I have seen an A-List celeb every time. It's also quite cheap down there, $60-$100 a night in the cool and stylish art deco hotels, or the budget Clay hotel offering basic doubles for $27 a night. Spring Break there is unbelievable.

N is for New York

Manhattan Island is basically a forest of skyscrapers and nothing much else for tourists below, decent bars hard to find, the buzz so spread out you can't hear it. I stayed there a couple of times and was distinctly under whelmed. The Statue of Liberty is much smaller than you think and the city skyline is all wrong without the twin towers. Central Park is deadly at night and don't go near Madison Square Gardens after dark.

O is for Orlando

Orlando really is anywhere in America. If you want to know how NOT to design a city then this is it. The lake in the town centre must be the flooded bomb crater.

P is for pledge allegiance to the flag.

The reason why Americas Muslim population didn't implode post 911 is because they are taught to be Americans from day one, especially in schools. I don't think it will work here but with talk of swearing allegiance to the Queen, its step in the right direction. A lot of British are failing Lord Tebbits 'cricket test', 7/7 the result. It was noticeable none of the 911 guys were American born, Muslims there causing zero problems in America and offering zero empathy and sympathy to the attacks, before and after 911. They are American first because they sang that little song to the flag as kids. The British Muslims are not British.

Q is for the Queen

Still the most respected and revered person in America!

R is for Redwoods

If you go to California then try and head up towards Montana and to the Giant Redwood forests. Some of these trees that brush up against the Pacific Coast are over three hundred feet high and nearly half a millennia old, here long before Europe even knew about the Americas. They really are a majestic sight, second only to those really rather odd trees in Madagascar.

S is for the Stars n Stripes

Rather ironically for a national symbol, America's beautifully simple flag is a symbol of unity and pro immigration, America founded on those two things, where as the Flag of St George means the exact opposite these days, hijacked by the far right. When ever I see the kids in the movies pledging allegiance to the flag then I know why they are the most powerful country in the world. One common goal. These kids pass the baseball test.

T is for turnpikes

A turnpike is what the Americans call motorways and I have no idea why. The thing with US highways is they go on for ages without gas stations, some 200 miles in the south, and if you make the wrong turn in places like Mississippi and Alabama its banjo time. We did just that in Georgia and really did stumble across the gas station from Deliverance, teeth like a row of bombed houses.

U is for unemployment

This 'credit crunch' is really scary and when their fifth biggest bank goes down we are talking world depression here. When Americans aren't working we aint working. This is the worse America has been fiscally since World War 2 and with no one lending apart from the Middle East, it's all very ironic if you consider the reasons why America occupy Iraq. Being in hock to the big oil countries like Saudi Arabia and co will certainly have Bin Laden forcing a rye smile.

V is for Victory

It's hard for Brits to say it but America won the war and without them we would be speaking German. When I was backpacking over there I always paid my respects at the military graves at Arlington and the various cemeteries. It's great chatting to the old soldiers and they were much braver than I could ever be. Could you imagine our 'chav' youth of today jumping off those amphibious boats on D-Day in Saving Privet Ryan to save another country? No, nor can I. That's why I respect them.

W is for Washington DC

I have been to most of the big American cities and this one has a real buzz to it. Be it the big chunky choppers that fly over the city carrying important people or the likewise motorcades that zip through the city's traffic, or the sheer elegance of the place and its whitewashed buildings that all scream power, it's just a great place to go if you want to breathe in Americas true democracy. It really is access all areas in DC (not so much since 911) you can go in the Whitehouse, the Pentagon and the Capital Building (the one with the dome) for free and the queues are minimal. If you're going to NY for holidays then hire a car and drive down to DC guys. It's a must.

X is for X-Rated

American porn is way better than British porn. I'm not into false titties and bronzed pecks but it beats tattoos, beer bellies and ugly women from council houses.

Y is for Yosemite and Yellow Stone National Park

If you go west you need to at least spend time in America's true wildernesses. Yellowstone sits proudly a top a super volcano due to explode and take half of America with it so you need
to do that bit first.

Z is for Zealot

America is full or right wing zealots, especially in the middle bit, the driving force behind electing Bush so he could attack the Middle East. These idiot rednecks listen to these conmen clergymen on these TV shows with 8 grand's worth of new teeth, who offer a retirement home in heaven for all those who donate to Jesus, and it pours in! The preachers, of course, live in huge mansions with huge cars in the drive for all to see and yet the money keeps coming. If you tell these guys Iraq is bad then they believe it.

Summary: Only in America.