Wheres my speakers corner crowns! (Writing a Good dooyoo Review)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Writing a Good dooyoo Review
Date:	22/11/08 (300 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Dooyoo is running smooth baby

Disadvantages: Rules

The devil strikes back!

The lumpen oath that is John Sergeant may have honorably walked from Strictly Come Dancing to save the shows integrity (what ever that integrity is), threatening to make the final off the back of the rebellious public vote (at times looking like a KGB officer dragging a dead body across the warehouse floor), but this particular rebel is going to stick it out on dooyoo to hopefully celebrate our tenth anniversary. I know my writing is in your face sometimes but as long as you keep rating it I will keep writing it. My 99% approval rate (correct my numbers Leanne!) suggest it's worth it.

Ratings Received: 18699

Very useful 18131 (99%)
Useful 470 (0.6%)
Somewhat useful 64 ( 00.53%)
Not useful 34 (00.31%)


I thought I would have a crack at the dooyoo questionnaire for the weekend to break up my outrageously good movie reviews and to make the churners work a little bit harder for their 50p on at least one category here. And to annoy the usual suspects I've added 6 more questions to round it off to a neat 20!

Q1. How did you discover Dooyoo?

A now absent (but still registered) member called 'Tiger Tiger' (it's all her fault!) told me about it in the year of 2000. She said dooyoo was just what I needed to get into freelance journalism and she was so right. So thanks again Tiger! Yes I have been a bad boy over the years and thrown off the stage more times than Russell Brand at a talent contest, but like Russell, you have to push the boundaries sometimes to make people chuckle at what really makes them smile but they are not allowed to smile at. I'm more Jonathan Ross than the hairy git though!

Q2. Why did you join?

I wanted to be a paid writer in proper newspapers and magazines and the idea of having my work printed online seemed huge at the time. It helped me develop a distinct style and winding you lot up seems to be it. I write a column on cricket for my local paper and I'm now the 'Spin' Magazine Northamptonshire CCC correspondent (I'm in the December issue!). I also write bits for cricket websites and hoping to appear in the 'The Wisden/Cricketer' magazine next year. Dooyoo gave me the platform and I took it.

Q3. What was your very first opinion on?

It was on that cringingly bad Eddie Murphy/Steve Martin film, 'Bowfinger', written in block capitals and consisting of around 200 words in just the one paragraph, written and pasted up while I was online, never a good idea. I've come a long way with no A-Level English since that day some eight years ago. I now know that the dot on the 'i' is called the 'tittle' and you should always use a big 'I' when talking about 'I, and so no 'tittle'! We all know there are too many 'tittles' on dooyoo right now. In fact new members who don't dot the 'i' should be called tittles from now on.lol.

Q4. Did you find it easy to get the hang of Dooyoo?

The question for me is will dooyoo ever get the hang of me. I see the site as a place to write down thoughts on things the media feel restrained from saying in this politically correct world and I know that causes issues with a tiny minority here. I try to articulate it in a way that doesn't offend too much. It's hard but I feel I achieve that. Sadly you are judged in life by what offends that tiny minority and not the majority and so they seem to see themselves as the moral majority. They are not. We are.

In the early days members were very helpful to you to make the site work and so yes it was easy. But in those days the site didn't exactly help the members much because it broke down every week. The search was dire and getting new suggestions posted up was like trying to get planning permission from the council for a beach house extension on the crumbling Norfolk Coast. Now dooyoo is as smooth as an Ikea bowling ball!

Q5. Did you read other opinions before you posted your first one?

Not really, only a handful of writers were any good back then. Today I get into a routine of posting up and then reading off the newest review list, mostly products I have used or have had experience of or intend to purchase. I don think you can earn good money on here without a tedious routine unfortunately.

Q6. Do you write no/some/many comments?

I'm the comment king! If you can imagine one of those cheesy cinema adverts when some bloke in a shiny bad suit pops up and announces through his gritted teeth he's the 'Carpet King', then that's me of the dooyoo comment world! I'm closing in on JM's all-time dooyoo record (what ever happened to her?) and cant go on enough about the usefulness of comment application here, although that volume has bitten me in the bum lately. My, tell a dooyoo girl she is pretty and she will rate you back strategy is beginning to get me in trouble with Dooyoo HQ again.

If you put yourself about the site with comments then people will read you and rate you. After all, isn't that what this place is all about? Just a little comment to encourage a new member, or another one on a Monday morning to someone who is feeling down, always helps. But because of the sheer avalanche of my comments here some will inevitably take offence to my cheeky comments, especially those who are looking to be offended. Believe it or not but some members complained to dooyoo because I called them 'babe'. But I call everyone babe dooyoo!!! I call the local librarians babe. I call my sister babe!!! I call pensioner sin the buss top babe. It's a perfunctory everyday term of endearment with me, meant to make women feel good about themselves, and it was never meant to offend anyone. With genocide currently raging in three African countries and the world finance system on the floor, one would hope that members who complain about being called 'babe' are just kicking me instead of the cat because of the state of the world today. Or they are the ones who snarl at men when they open doors for them. I love women and I hope they love me. I am that gentleman who opens doors and lifts heavy boxes. I don't ever try to offend them. It upsets me when people say those things like that. If I did call you babe and you didn't like then just message me and say you don't like it and I will call you madam or something. I call blokes 'mate' (or more annoyingly, dude), and never been slapped once. Dooyoo made me out to be a perv or something lol. I just can't link a photo on here to the real person. We are our online persona and so more thick skinned.

Q7. When you click on the list of Newest Reviews, do you read your friends' opinion no matter what they're on/according to subject no matter who has written it/preferably the opinion of new members?

I never return rate or read specific writers. That's why your ratings below your review are not hyperlinked to the other persons account. Even if Bukowski (my favorite author) was writing about Tesco cream cheese I wouldn't read it. I have my routine that produces me good returns and so stick to it. I don't rate to get a rate back. I don't grovel for rates. I make people want to read my stuff because it's edgy and honest. .

Q8. Do you write your opinions in one sitting?

I'm no where near talented or grammatically correct to write in three sittings let alone one! It takes me around three hours for each opinion. I take this place far too seriously and get upset when it goes wrong.

Q9. Do you use a spell check?

LOL! You know that little head that pops up on your Microsoft word processor to assist you with little tips as it blinks its eyes? Well he (or she) screams at me everyday to use the 'effing spellchecker' because I'm an 'effing embarrassment' to word processors around the world with my grammar and punctuation!

Q10. Do you think you can improve your chances of a crown if you suck up to a guide?

I'm sure they will tell you I have NEVER groveled to them; the exact opposite would be more accurate. We have had our run-ins over crowns and stuff I still think dooyoo can't resist pressing the crown button for guides over weekly allocation as reward for their hard work. That's not the guides fault in any way and as they can't nominate each other all is well. They take around one-in-six crowns on site and with the massive influx of new members here, some writing really good stuff, it is a slight concern the guides crown ratio has crept up from one-in-eight to one-in-six, against that's statistical tide. It should have gone down. I suspect it's because dooyoo have had a clear out of the less committed guides and the new faces are quite simply writing more reviews on site. Hoggy in the film section should get special praise as he has been running the busiest section on dooyoo almost on his own. I asked dooyoo if they needed another guide on films but I was greeted with howls of laugter.lol. I'm very happy with my movie crown tally so far this movie season and it always seems to be the case here, the ones I thought would crown didn't, and the safe and boring ones do.

Are you a member of a dooyoo related forum or chat room?

Oh yes, but not for long! My approach to those places doesn't meet with the tiny minority of the members on them who always seem to end up running them. It was only the two original complaints that eventually got Russell Brand fired and that's how it works on the boards. People get a kick out of kicking you off because they don't have anywhere near that clout in life and at work. The irony is that before I blow into places like opinionators and reviewwriters.co.uk they are lifeless and empty, no one around with nothing to say, as is the case right now. But soon as I start having my say, they soon fill up quickly to kick me down. They want the hard topic debate but don't like an opinion on it that isn't theirs.

My feeling on message boards and the internet is it should be a true democracy, the opposite of life off-line, and you should be ale to say pretty much what you want, but with respect to others when you can. Out of 1000 people in life a couple will always be offended and they sadly emanate to these places as moderators. The same do-gooders that drown us with political correctness seem to have found a new home on the internet.

Q13. What did you do with your spare time before joining Dooyoo?

I think all the boys and girls know what we get up to on the internet if we are not on dooyoo or checking email.lol.

Q14.Are the rewards fair?

The royalties are there if you read and rate lots and you can make £50 a month from 30 reviews if you are good enough, not having to resort to brainless churn, the easiest money on the internet right now. I think we should bring back the dooyoo printed T-Shirts and Baseball Caps of 2002 as an incentive, maybe add G-Strings and underpants as new lines for 2009.

Q15. How can dooyoo improve?

The idea that people are paid 50p for 150 words of drivel, not beginning with a capital letter and littered with the little 'i' and those ridiculous spelling mistakes , looking like it has been text`d in by Vicky Pollard, is ridiculous. I agree with others in that you should ONLY be paid for 'Useful' and 'Very useful' rates and that would encourage more quality and more ratings. I'm sure some members would continue to rate every review Very Useful but it would make a big difference on quality. I'm sure dooyoo are hemorrhaging money right now to these guys, especially after the new dooyoo payment scheme featured on moneysavingexpert.com, and so a tweak is required. One would presume dooyoo have inserted a stealth 'quality clause' and new members are being quietly kicked off who don't try on the site. 20 x150 words isn't much effort for a ten pound Amazon voucher and it's clearly being milked. If you are one of these guys and girls and reading this you must realize the site will begin to financially creak if you keep this up. As I said before I started that way but if you let other members encourage you to be a writer then you to can write in the press and magazines.

It would also be cool if the text editor could be more advanced and let us express our work more with the ability to print up more expressive things in the work like italics and under-lining and stuff.

Q.16. Do you write for money, pleasure or ego?

I must admit I write for all three, money a priority right now, my ego as big as ever. The pleasure comes from the crowns on Tuesday morning and the thought that all that often tedious rating and commenting through the churn has come to something. Oh and getting a dooyoo message from my favorite girl, of course! Now she is a babe!

Q.17.Whats dooyoo`s biggest disappointment?

I'm not going to say churn because dooyoo clearly need the volume on here buzzing around those banners and buttons so enough members knowingly-or unknowingly-click on them to generate revenue for the site. They obviously introduced the 50p thing to encourage that blatant churn and so have to put up with it, as do we. No churn then no dooyoo. The biggest sadness is the members that have been churning away for a while now to cash in and haven't looked at the thing logically - clearly it's an introductory offer and not easy money to be fleeced. With recession looming its clear dooyoo won't be able to sustain their current generous rewards system if enough new members don't improve. It's really important that we press those banners and write longer reviews now, whether we want to visit those sites or not. Yesterday proved we could with lots of good reviews. Maybe that was the Friday swift half in the pub or mums having a tipple before picking the kids up for the weekend but it worked.

Q. 18.What's dooyoos biggest mistake?

For me it's cutting back on the Speaker Corner crowns, the most popular section that tractor beams us onto dooyoo, a critical part of the site. We don't always have something to say about Coca Cola and toothpaste and so this section helps us to get going on a Monday morning for the dooyoo week ahead. Rewarding members on SC gets them writing better reviews about the toothpaste and Coca Cola. As these crowns don't cost dooyoo anything I can't see a financial issue. Sadly I seem to have been slightly blacklisted on the section and have tumbled from top of the list 90 days ago to bottom today. I'm second on the all time Speakers Corner list on dooyoo with 30 crowns in 18 months and fear it will take another 18 months to get the four I need to break the record. I understand I take risks on the section and have to die by the same sword but I do feel I'm picked on because I'm so prominent there - lots of generous nominations from you guys and so dooyoo having to read my reviews so ending up blocking most of them! You seem to like my sharp edge but dooyoo don't.

Q.19.Where do you see dooyoo in five years time?

It's a tough one. It's clear the internet is now the new high street and if the brand name of dooyoo is the generic one for opinion sites (like Hoover means vacuum cleaner) then this place could become huge and even floated on the stock market. Dooyoo was recently sold to a French company for 3.6 million Euros so the business model is there. If we can get through this tricky year or so of recession then who knows where dooyoo could be? Now is the time to really work hard for the site guys and turn those 150 word reviews into 300 ones!

Q.20.What would you change on dooyoo if you were given the keys?

I would make it more competitive and reward people for their efforts or quality reviews written in certain periods, putting those league tables on the front page. I would suspect the bulk of the reward money is going to churners right now and so maybe it would help to improve quality. What would also be good would be for members to be able to personalize their front pages more, maybe advertise their services or businesses, even a link to CV`s. I also feel the dooyoo girls should put a bikini pic up every first Thursday of the month to keep the boys spirits up!! It would be unfair on the boys to do the same as I look like Daniel Craig in my trunks: -) It's a joke girls!!!!!!!!!!!

Summary: Churn...milk...cream...