Just Passin' the Time of Day (Friend?) (The Weather!)

Member Name: marandina

Product:	The Weather!
Date:	01/06/07 (169 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It affects our lives, man

Disadvantages: There's nowt worse than horrible weather

I’m not sure whether it’s the weather or whether it’s simply me when it comes to weather looks at bus stops. Weather-beaten faces sometimes stare back at me when I ruminate over whether to say “good morning” or not and I often end up keeping a weather-eye on my fellow passenger as we wait for the bus instead. OK...enough already with the word play but the weather is something uniquely bland and yet so significant in the UK. You can gauge a nation’s friendliness from the reaction at bus stops and as a general rule of thumb, the further south you travel, the less friendly people are (at bus stops) although this could be an urban myth, of course. In fact, I used to think it was true as I’d happily spend a few minutes talking to a whippet breeder from Yorkshire about the state of the weather and the price of flat caps when waiting for the once-daily bus to Rotherham whereas in London if I made eye contact with people waiting for the 12A to Islington, I’d run the risk of being bundled into the back of a black, windowless van and held for 48 hours on a charge of treason. So having formed this approximate theory of relative friendliness according to geographic locality, it all went out of the window when on holiday in Scotland one year. As soon as a blue wode wearing, inflated sporran swirling Scotsman realized that I was a Sassenach waiting for the monthly ferry to Skye, he pulled out his claymore and screamed at the top of his voice. Faced with such a large, fearsome weapon, I decided discretion was the better part of valor and scarpered quickly. And so the theory foundered unless the exception proves the rule or is that a load of old bunkum from my school physics days?

That boring old intro has moved on a pace these days. Rather than the weather being the simple ice-breaker it has been for decades, now we have the topic of global warming to bore people with. Yessiree, Torquay is no longer just an occasionally sunny day location haunted by the ghost of Basil Fawlty but more a genuine spot of French Riviera. Apparently, our climate in the Saaaaf gets more and more like the South of France every year as Global temperatures continue to climb. This sounds great doesn’t it? I mean, most people aspire to living somewhere like the South of France at some point in their life and now you won’t need to move; a bungalow in Brighton will be just as good. However, then you have to factor in the fact that most of England will be under water by 2050 as the ice caps melt, mean sea levels rise and Norfolk is swept away in a flurry of dirty water and sludge. So one minute you are sucking on your aperitif in Norwich, the next you have a crab on your head consulting his road atlas and looking lost. In which case, maybe it’s time to leave this green and pleasant land and go somewhere else. Trouble is, the problem's everywhere and if the powers that be can’t stop the Americans, Chinese and Indian industries from throwing out billions of metric tonnes of carbon emissions into the atmosphere, then our only other option is to block-book a seat on the next Virgin flight into space and hope it drops us off somewhere a little less prone to bad weather. You may even get a seat next to Noel Gallagher who has just been bought a flight as a birthday present from his brother, Liam, although at £100K, most of us may have to sell the family heirlooms or, more likely, rob a bank (or send out a few phishing e-mails from your criminal HQ in Georgia) to pay Mr. Branson his fair.

There was a time when I used to run with the theory that assume today’s weather will be the same as yesterday and, chances are, you can’t go far wrong. It never really impacted on what I would do that day although like everyone else, I always scrutinise the weather for my intended holiday destination and celebrate or commiserate depending on the forecast. This year, I’m off to Spain and can’t wait for a bit of sunshine after all the rain we’ve had recently. Personally, I find the Hinterweb a real boon when it comes to weather forecasts and rarely rely on Michael Fish or one of his other cronies to tell me how things will be. Nope, a quick plug in of the location/postcode into the BBC 5-day forecast on the web site and I quickly have a wee map with a symbol I understand. Cloudy means cloudy, a rain symbol means it’s goany rain and a sunshine symbol means it’s time to get the pinocolada and shades out and listen to a bit of mariachi music. Sadly, if everyone did as I did then this could lead to the demise of a great British institution - the TV weather girl. Where would Ulrika-ka-ka Jonsson be if it wasn’t for that morning spot on GMTV all those years ago? Would she have dated all those blokes? Would she have become a sex addict? Would she have been shown up every week on that Reeves and Mortimer quiz show? Who knows but you could attribute her stormy life to the weather and its isobars and stuff.

Still, it could be worse you know *leans on bus stop*, the weather is taken extremely seriously in some countries as it can be the difference between life and death. In the U.S. hurricanes and tornadoes are a regular occurrence and who can forget the tsunami that killed so many in the Far East? It’s even part of movie lore, what with the “Wizard of Oz” featuring a particularly nasty blow up in Kansas although it was a right result when Dorothy’s house landed on that old witch. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and people run the risk all the time in Kansas of having a house land on them, such is the ferocity of some of the storms over there. As a result, coloured, curly slippers stopped selling in the 30's as people went for more fashionable brands of shoewear to be seen flattened in.

Oh well, there you have it; just whiling away a few minutes talking to you about the weather, friend. Depending on where you are right now will determine your reaction and, if you are in the friendly Narth then I’m sure you are about to get on your bus and wish me well whereas if you are in the South then I can’t help but notice the uzi submachine gun unfolding from underneath your arm. Honestly, I do wish people in Landan Taaaaan would chill out a bit *looks around for an escape route*

Thanks for da read.

Mara

Summary: Weather