If my wife was god...... (There ought to be a law about that!)

Member Name: giksy21

Product:	There ought to be a law about that!
Date:	17/10/08 (216 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Funny

Disadvantages: Scary

Let us go back to the beginning. A long, long time ago, I, giksy21 went on a perilous journey. You see, I had a vision. Ok, so a drunken vision it may have been, but it was a vision nonetheless. My lord came and spoke to me, and told me that there was a tablet which contained the rules we should live by. Yes, my lord (Mrs giksy21.), said onto me, that I should seek out this tablet, and live my life obeying its rules.

Of course, I done as she asked, for mine is a vengeful lord (in fact, hell has no fury like her.), and I left the very next day. Long and hard was my journey for the commandments, for as I climbed, perilously, to the top of Mt Sinai to find the word of the lord, she sent me many obstacles for me to overcome. I saw plagues of credit card bills, and swarms of nagging. At my lowest, I confess, I took refuge in a large field, with eighteen little holes which had flags poking out of them. But she found me here too, and I was 'saved' from the nineteenth hole. Lest I forget that it is in this nineteenth hole that they sell the nectar that my lord hates above all others. I don't understand this, however, because it is upon drinking this nectar, that she seems to look the best........

Despite my trials, I found my copy of the commandments, and they read as follows.......

1.......

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours ass. If thou are convicted of this, thou shalt not partake of the pleasures of the lord for a period lasting anything up to 6 of thy holy months. Dependant on the seriousness of thy offence, thou may be removed from thy testicles, as the lord uses them to make a nice pair of holy ear rings.

2.......

Thou shalt not steal the magic channel changing box, that operates the moving picture box. Thou shalt not hideth thine remote when football is on, lest the lord shall miseth coronation street. This crime is also punishable by the removal of the pleasures of the lord.

3.......

Thou shalt not start a sentence, by saying "the bum of the lord looks big in that". This crime is punishable by a blow, with an open hand to the side of thy face, as thou must suffer a pain equal to the pain that thou hath caused thy lord.

4.......

Thou shalt not pee on the toilet seat. Thou may not sit to pee, but thy lord does. There is no wind in the bathroom, so there is little excuse. Thy lord showest little mercy for the poor direction of thy stream, after all, is it not easier to direct a stream of water from a small hose, than from a large one?

5.......

Thy lord cannot have enough shoes. Thy lord needs these to live. They please the lord, and gifts of shoes should be offered to thy lord freely, and with no alterior motive.

6.......

Thou shalt not start a task, if thou hath no intention of finishing it. Thy lord is sick and tired of looking at that wall that was to be wallpapered two months ago. Similarly, thy lord is not pleased by the planned shrubbery that looks good, apart from the fact that the holy shrubs that thy lord brought home from the garden centre are still in the pots in the shed. Pullest out thy finger, and gettest on with it.

7.......

Although, thy lord is the best at tidying thy holy chambers, and ironing thy shirts, do not let thy lord suffer these chores alone. Although thy lord will suffer this for a time, she will become like medusa, producing a stare that can kill.

8.......

Thou shalt not lie, and say that thou are at thy work, when thou are actually in the pub with thy friends. These people are not as important as thy lord, who can deny thou pleasures that thy friend cannot offer. At least thou lord hopes that they cannot.

9.......

Thou must listen, when thy lord tells you words of wisdom, like "those shoes look nice", or "That would look good on me". These are clues to help you to please the lord, and are the way to her heart (and parts beyond.).

10.......

It is not suitable for thou to simply agree with thy lord. Thou must listen, and value her words. They should be like sweet music to thy ears, and all of the information given, should be kept in thy tiny brain. Thou may be tested at any point, and no mistakes will be tolerated. Punishment, usually would be that thou will not hear thy lords lovely voice for prolonged periods. Thy lord may also adopt a stern looking face. This is the wrath of the lord, and you should be afraid. VERY AFRAID




Hope you enjoyed that. A satirical look at married life. None of its true, though. I love my wife very much, and she is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I will continue to say that, as long as she holds the carving knife so close to me!

Giksy21. 100th review. Hope you have enjoyed it!

Summary: What would it be like, if my wife was god?