You touch it - you bought it! (There ought to be a law about that!)

Member Name: alocin

Product:	There ought to be a law about that!
Date:	25/04/03 (61 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: No more bad customer behaviour, Non-moist money

Disadvantages: I might have once squeezed a tomato - run they're after me!

* As a poverty stricken student I am forced to slave away over a hot till in my spare time to earn some extra cash. I work part-time as a cashier at Halfords but I have also done my time in a hideous green and white striped dress on the checkouts at Somerfield. The behaviour below is not just displayed by customers at these shops though – anyone who has worked in retail should recognise it. *

£ Thou shalt be a good customer

I am all for laws to regulate customer behaviour. I have already placed licking fingers to separate notes into Room 101 in a previous review, but this review goes further to legislate against the worst of customer behaviour. After a particularly bad day on the till I came up with the first basic contents of these laws, which are as follows:

£ You touch it, you bought it

Why must customer touch, prod and fondle things which they have no intention of buying? Do you want to buy tomatoes that 15 other people have already held in their dirty, sweaty hands? No – so don't touch! If you touch it then you have to buy it.

£ You bought it, you keep it

Sometimes products are faulty – I don't mind customers bringing them back then. It's the customers who have “changed their mind” – you shouldn’t have bought it in the first place if you were not sure! They always bring the stuff back when the till is busy and all the supervisors are occupied so they can waste as much of my time as possible. Grrrr. Only buy things if you want to keep them forever – stop bringing things back. I don't like giving the customers money – it's my job to take money and I want to keep it!

£ Open your eyes

It can’t just be my customers who walk around with their eyes closed. There are several large signs inside and outside the store with the opening hours on, but still customers keep asking me when we are open until. Look at the sign yo
u just walked past! Also there are large neon yellow signs at eye level with the special offers on – “Buy one – Get one free”. It is impossible to miss them, yet some customers do! “Oh, I didn't see that” they say when I point to them. Do not walk around asleep – you will not be told all the deals you miss anymore and you will lose out.

£ Turn the phone off

Mobile phones are a wonder of modern technology, yet it is amazing how rude they can make people. If a customer is with a member of staff discussing what stereo is best and their phone rings, you would expect them to switch it off or say they'll call back later. But no – some people stand there and have a 5-minute conversation while the member of staff waits for them. How rude can they be? Also people who pay while chatting on their phone – often they have their backs to me and never say hello or thanks, just pushing their credit card in my face. We are still people not ATM style machine you know! No chatting on phones while speaking to staff.

£ No sweaty hands

Licking fingers to separate notes was placed in Room 101 in a previous review, but this law covers other disgusting customer habits. If you are a long queue do not hold your money tight in your sweaty hands – it is so disgusting to take moist notes and warm coins from a customer. Waiting around while your shopping is scanned and then looking surprised when asked for money will also be an offence but I would rather wait a while than take moist money. Urgh.

My rant against customers is now almost over. As a customer myself I would support these laws, and I would hope they would be punished by offenders scarping chewing gum off the streets or some other public punishment to show the world they are a bad customer. Laws for retail staff would also be developed – however boring the job staff should still have to give even a forced smile and h
ello – but they can be enforced once customers behave properly!

* I know that the majority of customers behave quite reasonably, and some are lovely and brighten your day stuck behind a till. These laws are aimed at the minority of annoying customers and not at the lovely ones. I’m sure all dooyoo members reading this and hopefully rating it as very useful fall into the lovely category. Of course you do :-)

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