All I Want For Christmas ...is Youuu (sung in a Mariah Carey fashion) (Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2007))

Member Name: marandina

Product:	Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2007)
Date:	18/11/07 (184 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Anti-humbug

Disadvantages: Petrol's so expensive now in the Pole

There ain’t long to go now, y’know. The build up’s in full swing, what with decorated Christmas trees surrounded by fake pressies in restaurants and Yuletide advertising adorning every square inch of marketing space in Western Europe. Quite frankly, I love Chrimbo although it’s a curious fact of life that you only tend to hear and read about those irascible types who go to any lengths to avoid the Holiday period; the miserable Scrooge types who drone on about how the adverts for next year’s holidays and Easter eggs always appear on Boxing Day television with an inference that it’s hip and cool to be anti-Santa *scowls at the images of these misers*[CAN EVERYONE PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS/EASTER EGG ADS APPEARING ON BOXING DAY COMMENT/GAG NOW? IT STOPPED BEING FUNNY YEARS AGO!]

Now yours truly like nuffink better that sitting down and composing his Forty-something wish list and posting it to the North Pole along with all the other naughty and nice kids hoping for a windfall on the 25th December (I *always* make the “nice” list by the skin of my teeth although there is a close circuit camera hookup being established oop in the Arctic Narth which may destroy a few reputations, being linked to the High Streets of Blighty from next year and manned by elves made redundant from the set of the movie “Bad Santa”.) *shudder*

So aaaaanyways, here’s a kind of top 10 wish list although me being so extraordinarily nice, I just always get far more than 10 presents from the big, fat man with a white beard. Top of this year’s list is a WII. Ooh….how I wanna add to our pantheon of cyber games. We already have a Nintendo Lite thingy, PS2, numerous PC games (I only ever did master “Quake”) but this WII malarkey looks real good fun. I can’t wait to play fake tennis asking for “new balls please” after I’ve cracked an insulting seasonal gag about my wife (I’ve leave the precursor to that request to your imagination). Of course, if only you could buy a WII at the mo as they are selling out faster than a bottle of Jack Daniels at an AA meeting held in a night club.

Next up is a music album that just about everybody wants just now. My longstanding friend from the deep sarf of England has been telling me for ages how good “Thunder” are and I’ve decided to take the plunge at last and make a formal request via Mr Clause. I’m looking to forward to listening to the Greatest Hits package featuring songs spanning the period 1990 to the present day. Apparently, it doesn’t take long to listen to and the Greatest Hits 2 is out next year featuring a further 3 songs to add to the 2 on this album ( I thang yew).

From the heart is a is a genuine request for a Christmas period of just pure, wall-to-wall reality/Celebdom TV. Yes, I’d love Christmas Day and Boxing Day to be dominated from start to finish by the “X-Factor“, “Strictly Come Dancing“, “I’m a Celebrity” , “All Star Family Fortunes” and so on. That way, we could get rid of any pretence that there is anything else in the schedules at all and maybe even mix and match some of them for Yuletide entertainment. We could have the panel from “Strictly Come Dancing” holding their scores up to provide a judgment on Vernon Kay’s latest hair style or ring in and vote for how long Sharon Osbourne will stay strung out under the bar in an alcoholic haze.

Items 4 and 5 would be tickets to both Lapland and New York to visit two of the most requested venues at this time of year. I’ve been to the Big Apple at Easter time but I’ll bet it’s summat else at this time of year and with the exchange rate of Sterling to the Dollar at rock bottom, I could live like a King for the few days I was there. I’ve never been to Lapland before and would surely love to go and see the wilds of Scandinavia even with all the Santa paraphernalia masking just how beautiful that part of then world is in Winter.

I like beer. A simple statement, stark but true so if someone within the family wants to engineer a few crates via the big, jolly, mythical figure then feel free to adorn my front room with bottles of Amstel, Peroni and a nice range of real ale to turn the post Christmas lunch period into a gentle descent into a Homer Simpson-like snooze.

Ach, this list gets harder as I go on, what with my simple approach to life and my lack of desire for all things materialistic. Maybe I would want a big envelope with a letter on it saying “World Peace granted” although that would probably only happen if I was in the middle of a dream having just been crowned Miss World 2007 following my appeal to the environmental crowd by wearing a fake fur coat and denouncing George W Bush as a very baaaaad man (whilst looking semi-intelligent and smiling a lot).

Then again, maybe I could afford to be materialistic for a few seconds and say I’d like a really nice, new car and be able to fill it with diesel that I don’t have to take out a mortgage for to be able to buy a few litres of (that reads back terribly but it's Sunday morning and I've become grammatically lazy these days of non-Dooyoo). I suspect that this may be on most HGV drivers’ lists too at the moment as the price of crude oil rockets further North and the government decide to compound things more and more by loading increasing amounts of tax on the already bloated price. Then again, I’m sure this will finally dissuade Tarquine and Spencer from driving their 4x4’s to work every day. Now if only we could stop the other 60 million drivers from getting in their cars and turn the country into a latter day China full of bicycle riders (as the Chinese community titters with all of their shiny new cars crowding their drives)

My penultimate request thingy would be a whole heap of desire to write some more. Having forked out to join the Writer’s Bureau about a year ago, I’ve managed only 2 pieces of work so if desire can be bottled then I’d like some sent to me to go with the little bottle of Spanish Absinthe that my bro-in-law bought me recently (85% abv. Aye Carumba!). All I need now is a jacket with sewn on elbow patches, a beard and a pipe.

And last but not least, my 10th (but far from final request) would be to get all of the whimsical footie DVDs that hit the screens at this time of year. What with Gary Lineker, Ian Wright, that rotund, Scouser bloke out of the Royal Family and numerous others getting in on the act, I could fritter away most of Chrimbo day drinking my real ale, day dreaming of being Miss World and half watching my footie Dvd full of hilarious moments whilst playing on my WII.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

A semi-retired Marandina.

Summary: Check me out at Christmas Time