Whenever I am in a situation where it would be good to remember jokes I really struggle and my mind seems to go blank but here are some of my favourites which I think would be suitable and appropriate to recite to anyone.

It is a really lovely summers evening and so a tortoise decides to go out for a pleasant stroll. As he walks through the park he is mugged and has his wallet stolen by a snail. The police interview the quite rightly upset tortoise and ask him

"So Mr Tortoise can you please describe the appearance of the snail that attacked you"

to which he replies

"No I'm sorry it all just happened so fast"

A man visits the doctor and complains that he has just not been feeling well at all recently. On inspection the doctor notices a banana in the man's ear, a carrot up his nose and a cabbage on his head. The doctor makes his diagnosis and informs his patient "You are not eating properly"

How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?
1 2 1 2

A visibly upset man visits his doctor and complains that he can not stop himself from singing What's New Pussy Cat, Delilah and The Green Green Grass of Home. His doctor reassuringly tells him that he has a condition called Tom Jones disease.

"Is it common doctor" the man asks
The doctor answers "It's not unusual"

(This next joke is set in Newcastle and you really need to tell it in a North East accent if you can to make it really funny)
A man visits his doctor and tells him
"I feel like pieces of coconut wrapped in chocolate"
The doctor replies "Well, yer bounty"

Finally how do you know it takes 8 menstruating women to change a light bulb?
IT JUST DOES! (You need to shout this very loudly when you tell it)

It really depends on how you tell these jokes as to whether they are met with laughter or not but I hope you found them amusing and that you can use them with your friends or other people, let me know what you think.