The punch that Judy Show! (Top Ten Celebrity Couples)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Top Ten Celebrity Couples
Date:	03/11/07 (229 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: We can slag them off more

Disadvantages: Richard & Judy in general

If you are looking for ‘Bradgolina’ and the like you won’t get it here. Two people that got married purely because they think they are the most attractive in Hollywood, and so have common ground, did not impress me. Can you imagine the arguments over camera angles at awards nights! Just think how many mirrors they have in their mansions, let alone at the proctologists where they reside most of the day...


01 <*><*><*> Richard & Judy <*><*><*> 01

Wow, what a weirdo couple these are. You know if I didn’t know any better I would say Richard is a screamer and he married the first woman he met at the bus stop to look straight on TV. I suppose it could be some sort of subliminal mother-son sexual fantasy from his youth, but you have to say the age difference is uncomfortable. If he was Kosha he would have got a younger model by now.
Now she’s showing her jugs on TV as the senility seeps in and they have lost their show she could soon be weeing the marital bed. What makes it worse is you could just picture Richard as a male nurse tending her bedside and changing the incontinence pads. I think we ought to move on here.

02 <*><*><>* Ian & Kathy Botham <*><*><*> 02

These two have had more ups and downs in their marriage than a prop plane over the Andes. But when you meet them they are as thick as thieves, she the resilient wife, he the alpha male in every way. Ian knows she helped make the man he is and he wont ever forget that, however many offers he has had in his legendary cricketing career.
Sportsmen are very predictable in the women they chose and they are usually strategically very fertile to keep him and the house, Cricketers notorious for philandering. Ian was up there with Shane Warne for pure numbers from what I heard over the years. When Both isn’t getting Freddie pi**ed and injured he’s at home with the only person that has ever loved him, which is quite a battle as Ian loves himself just as much.

03 <*><*><>* Elton John & David Furnish <*><*><*> 03

They say the perfect marriage involves the male partner being 5 inches taller than the woman. If David is the feminine one in this showbiz coupling I bet the size difference is nothing to do with height.lol. What else can Elton like about the annoying squirt. I think its fair to say Elton wears the tartan trousers in this particular relationship and Furnish knows what side his bread is buttered. This is Elton’s second marriage after his disastrous ‘Im not gay’ marriage to Renatta de Blanc (the plan George Michael thankfully avoided in the 90s) and one of the first civil marriages to be authenticated in the UK. As the great Michael Gambon once said to a rather green reporter:” I gave up homosexuality after a while because it made my eyes water”.

It’s only fair to include a gay couple here as 18% of all weddings last year were of gay couplings, now the Civil Partnership rules are on the statute. I wouldn’t say I am comfortable with gay weddings and find showy gay men a bit of a contradiction in terms- we are all the same and should be treated the same attitude a tad hypocritical when you see the church decidedly pink and cerise on the big day. It seems to be all about the performance with gay guys to me. As far as I know I have no plans to wear a pink tux at my wedding, whenever that is. Offers will be mulled over.


04 <*><*><*> Tim Robbins & Susan Sarandon <*><*><*> 04

These two are Hollywood’s celebrity political couple, sure to be at all the Democratic Public fund raisers, first on Michael Moore’s speed dial. They are openly critical of Bush and get invited to the best parties because of that. They stopped making decent movies a while ago now but the six foot five Robbins and 6ft Sarandon just seem perfectly matched in every way.
They are both from good universities and very clever and keep that moral conscious of Hollywood at least flickering as many other actors feel getting political will lose them big jobs. How can I not include a couple who bought us the wonderful Shawshank Redemption and the uber feminist chick flick, ‘Thelma & Louise.

05 <*><*><>* Ozzy & Sharon <*><*><*> 05

What I like about these two is they were made for each other. Together since the days when Ozzy would drag a shoe around Birmingham on a piece of string like a dog, not only was it ironic that his misses turned into one but now he is on a lead!
Oz has sucked up more drugs than a Columbian hurricane whilst this mischievous wife has had a mind boggling 3.1 million dollars worth of plastic surgery so far, her new boobies a snip at $13:000. Don’t mention the snip to Ozzy.

In the old days they would f**k in a blizzard of cocaine followed by a rainstorm of acid, every thrust in the marital bed shooting a mushroom cloud of powder out of Ozzys ass. You just can’t imagine these two being apart and that my friends is lurvee.
Their kids are grotesque and the pet habits disgusting, a freak show in ever way, the two often muddled when the children were young. With £1.7 million dollar renewed vows ring on her finger Ozzy is going nowhere fast. I suspect she rewrites the will every year.

06 <*><*><>* Jordan & Peter <*><*><*> 06

I suppose these two creations sum up modern celebrity-a decent pair of pecs displayed at the right time and you’re famous. They are happy with their own tacky and crass reality show and after Pete’s appearance on ‘I’m a Celeb... you have to say he’s a nice guy. Katie price (a.k.a) on the other hand is a wretched creation. What’s scary is she’s a huge role model to young women, her biography one of the biggest selling ‘chick reads’ last year. There’s no staying in to look after her blind and disabled son though, especially when there is a chance to drop her tits out at some tacky awards party and make a few quid. I wonder who will get the house and the car when they divorce next year!

07 <*><*><*> Lenny Henry & Dawn French <*><*><*> 07

Most celebrity black people in sports and media tend to marry or date white people. I don’t know why that is, but they do. Can you think of a black celebrity couple here? Maybe its about having lighter skinned kids who wont suffer the racism their parents did, so to go further in their chosen careers, or the black guys don’t want their balls busted by notoriously naggy Caribbean girls. It seems to be particularly prevalent with boxers and footballers who are keen on the blonde bimbos. It just seems to highlight the racial divide in Britain that still seems to be there. But with Dawn and Lenny they just seem made for each other. Talk about a house full of laughter. I’m not sure if they have kids but you can imagine if they do the comedy hybrid is sure to be a star one day.

Lenny is every white persons favorite black guy, funny and non-threatening, anything but the negative image of today’s black kids that fill our news bulletins. He is almost a pioneer in British comedy for black entertainers and, like Charlie Williams, opened the door for the new generation, although Junior Simpson and Richard Blackwood didn’t exactly keep it ajar! Who says we don’t have Martin Lawrence and Chris Tuckers here!

08 <*><*><*> Ulrika Johnson and _ _ _ _? <*><*><*> 08

With her forth kid on the way from the fourth different man Ulrika is a bit of a slut in all truth. With a long list of seedy men in her bed through the years and a veracious appetite for the publicity her sex life generates I think we will be happy when she marries this advertising executive chap in the summer and goes back to Sweden or something. If I have missed out any husbands or lovers then please enlighten me as I have left a gap to fill in. Can you imagine the custody weekends and Chelsea Tractors pulling up at her swish pad to take the kids out with the different dads and nannies…

09 <*><*><*> Paul & Heather <*><*><*>09

The circus rolls on this week as Heather visits every TV and media outlet to accuse the tabloids and every TV media outlet of giving her bad press by doing exactly that. She’s not very bright, this girl. Even Max Clifford has walked away from here. Some times you just have to shut up and wait your turn and walk away with your tail between your legs. Someone needs to tap this bird on the shoulder and tell her to go away, take the twenty million, leave the man you married that made you famous so you can still be famous while there’s still hope. I’m sure she is not as wretched as she seems and had a decent plan of being the new Linda McCartney with all her charity work but she is having a bit of a ‘Zugswang’ right now, everything she does can only make it worse. She’s at the bottom of the six foot hole still digging and the dirt is sliding back into the hole.

010 <*><*><*> Posh & Becks <*><*><*> 010

I like these two and have no problems with David being a bit thick and Victoria being an obsessive attention seeker. Her little stunt at the Ritz in Paris as the Diana jury was off-loading from the coach, Posh swaying her hips in her evening dress at 11am in 9 degrees cold in a blowly Paris to steal some publicity was sad as it was cringing. But they are the world’s vainest people and they should be together, and from what I can make out they seem quite happy with that, give or take some sex-texting. The amount of women that flings themselves at Becks you have to allow him one or two indiscretions. What better a relationship where both parties enjoy shopping for shoes and sarongs! Didn’t that new publicity shot for the Spice Girls tell a story. Did you know of the five girls the tallest is a minny 5-5”, Gerry Halliwell only 5ft dead! Hazel Blears size. And as Victoria said about Gerry’s latest yoga DVD:” Wow, she no longer needs a bottle of vodka to get her ankles behind her ears”. Meowwwww!

Summary: Celebrity knows no bounds guys!