A tale of love, sex and crime (Top ten favorite cars)

Member Name: honest_ed

Product:	Top ten favorite cars
Date:	15/01/02 (267 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Just love 'em

Disadvantages: They break your heart

This opinion is my life story told through the cars that have influenced it most.

10: The Morris 8. This was our family’s first ever car, bought from my auntie for £5.00. It came complete with a starting handle for emergencies, a windscreen that you could wind open in hot weather and indicators that shot out of the side like waving hands. But the highlight for me and my brothers was to bounce up and down on the back seat to help the car to get up hills. I’ve never felt so much at one with a machine since.

9: Hillman Minx. What a change from the Morris. It had a bench seat at the front and you could fit 4 people on it with a squeeze. Of course, this was when we thought that cars made you invincible. It also did about 10 miles to the gallon and, sadly, had to go.

8: Hillman Imp. It was a pale blue, rear-engined, rally-proven heap of crap. It broke down every week and sprung oil leaks from places where there shouldn’t have been oil. But I learned to drive in this car - several years before I was legally entitled to - and it earns a special place in my top 10 for that alone.

7: Austin A40. I had a naughty friend who used to bring home an awful lot of different cars and let us under-aged kids drive them up and down the street. I think there’s a name for this today … but enough of that. My first drive in a white A40 resulted in me missing a brand new Escort by about an inch and driving along the footpath for about 50 yards before finding out how to stop the car. It scared me shitless and taught me to respect cars more and to wait until I got a licence before driving. Incidentally, the A40 is an excellent car for driving along footpaths.

6: Morris Minor. Ah, the Morris Minor! Those slippery leather seats. Now, how can I put this? I had one of those coming of age experiences in the back seat of the Morris … while my girlfriend’s brother was driving. I remember so
well the thrust of the acceleration, gliding effortlessly over the bumps. The car was good too.

5. VW Beetle. What a car. German engineering, rear, air-cooled engine, 1100cc of pure mechanical genius … and a 6 volt battery that meant you couldn’t see more that 6 feet in front of you in the dark. This was the car I did my test in and I loved nearly everything about it, from the sliding tail to the need to hang out the window to see where you were reversing to.

4. Fiat 127. I was Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction. It happened when I borrowed my parent’s 127 to see some friends. They had been drinking and wanted to go to another bar, so I packed three into the back seat. In the middle was a girl I did not know well. A minute into the journey and I heard the words “I’m going to be sick”, followed by the unmistakable splash of pints of vomit all over the back of the car. My friend gave me the key to her flat, directed me to where I could find a cheap bottle of perfume and I began the most efficient valet you could imagine. It worked. For years my parents complained about the smell of rotten milk in the car (they didn’t drink). Sadly, my friend never spoke to me again. You see, I was not familiar with the world of perfume in those days and failed to identify the difference between a £2.00 bottle and a £50.00 bottle (1977 prices). By the way, vomit and very expensive perfume smells just like rotten milk.

The car was fun to drive, but rubbish. It needed a new engine within 18 months.

3. Renault 12. This was a one-night stand. One of my friend’s dad owned the Renault. He was a teacher and never, ever drove above 30 miles and hour, even on the motorway! He had passed his cautious ways to his son. One night I was on driving duty and took the keys to bring 4 friends safely home. When I put the keys in the ignition, the pristine Renault gently whispered to me to please fre
e her from the captivity imposed by my friend and his cruel dad. I couldn’t refuse the heart-breaking pleas of this beautiful damsel in distress. The Renault 12 does 96 mph with five on board.

2. Ford Fiesta. The very first car that I bought for myself. This two-door, beige beauty taught me everything I needed to know about cars. Like how to fill holes in the bodywork; how to re-spray; to change and adjust points in 5 seconds flat; to repair hoses; to change ignition leads, fan-belts, starter motors etc. etc. I never learned how to prevent the boot filling with water, but became an expert in draining it. But love is blind and my first real car will always hold a place in my heart.

1. Saab 9000S. This really is my top car. It broke my heart and the bank, but I loved the way it made me feel like I ruled the road. Other cars are afraid of Saabs because they are really de-commissioned tanks. Even boy racers keep out of your way and no other driver ever gives you the one- or two-fingers. The seats are made by elves who understand the dangers of back-pain, and despite the massive weight, even the non-turbo engine gave good performance and reasonable economy. But this guardian angel of the roads also had a devilish sense of humour. I’ll never forget the moment the clutch-gear went, thrusting the car forward at full-pace uncontrollably. Or the cost of replacing the clutch assembly which was marginally cheaper than buying a house.

I drive a modern, clinical Mazda now that has none of the Saab’s vices, but it doesn’t have its charm either.

So that's my list and my life.

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