Impenetrable Ten (Top Ten Unreadable/Unfinishable Books)

Member Name: skittle

Product:	Top Ten Unreadable/Unfinishable Books
Date:	20/08/04 (151 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Advantages?

Disadvantages: Rubbish, Rubbish, Rubbish

Books, I love them, but there are some that should never have been published! Here?s a selection that I, personally, couldn?t stomach:

Lucy Talk by Fiona Walker:

She?s a popular writer, is Fiona Walker, and personally I?d count some of her earlier work under my favourite books of all time, but not this one. Lucy Talk is, quite frankly, dull to the point of inanity. I hate to say it, but Fiona really should restrict herself to the straight-forward chick-lit she?s so excellent at, and never, ever again attempt to branch out into something more adventurous. There was a bit of a craze for writing books in the form of e-mails and suchlike at about the same time as Lucy Talk came out, and it appears that Ms Walker saw fit to jump on the band wagon. Unfortunately, what she produced was so uninteresting, uninspired, formulaic and just plain boring that I couldn?t get past the first quarter of the book. I wouldn?t even have got that far, but I was determined to give the book a fair go. It didn?t deserve it? Avoid this like the plague, it stinks!

Stupid White Men by Michael Moore:

I know, I know, Michael Moore is practically regarded as the God of truth, nowadays. But heck, this book makes for dull reading! I have to admit that I didn?t even make it to the end of the first chapter, I was so bored. Basically, as much as I read of the book is written directly to the President of the USA, as a kind of open letter/criticism/diatribe type thing. Quite possibly, if I?d stuck with this book ? or even skipped forward a chapter or two, it might have become more bearable. But if I?m honest, the stream of facts, figures and finger pointing just left me cold. Yes, I know it?s all very shocking, a worthy read and all the rest of it. But I
; couldn?t get over the fact that it?s also very, very uninteresting. It left me cold, which is a real shame, as I found Fahrenheit 911 deeply disturbing and morbidly fascinating.

The Cider House Rules by John Irving:

People raved about this book, and for the life of me I can?t understand why. I found the film watchable, though certainly not the best I?ve ever seen, but the book? I tried, you understand, I really, really tried ? but despite literally dozens of attempts, I couldn?t find enough in this book to keep me reading. That?s despite the fact that I found the subject matter, of illegal abortions and unwanted children, intriguing. The book was just too slow-moving to hold my interest? I carried this book to work and back with me for months before finally giving up when I realised that I actually found staring out of the tube window (underground) more interesting than reading?

Captain Corelli?s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres:

Another one where the film was reasonably watchable, but the book was about as interesting as watching paint dry. I don?t know what my problem is, honestly! For months you couldn?t get on a tube train without spotting somebody reading this book, it was so popular, but when I tried it? Well, lets just say it isn?t really to my taste. Again, after several attempts I gave up on this book when I found that I?d read the first few pages so many times I could almost recite it off by heart, but I?d never progressed beyond the first chapter. I blame the shorter attention span of the internet generation! No, seriously though, I expect that if I had been able to force myself to continue with this book I might have found it more rewarding, but I couldn?t?

Flaubert?s Parrot by Julian Barnes:

Now, this isn?
t a book I attempted to read by choice, you understand. Rather this was a book on my reading list for one of my University classes. Therefore, I didn?t really have a choice ? I had to read this book, or I wouldn?t be able to discuss it in class the following week. But I couldn?t, I just couldn?t force myself to read any further than about a third of the way through this book. I became so angry with the pretentious arrogance and annoying jumbled style of the writing that I ended up flinging the book at the wall in fury? So there you have it ? a book so bad that I couldn?t make myself read it even if it meant risking a bad grade in one of my University modules. Avoid at all cost!

The Temp by Serena Mackesy:

Ok, I?ll admit it, although I?d like to think of myself as an educated lady of taste and refinement, I?m a sucker for chick-lit, and I?d been wanting to read this for ages. However, as an out and out skinflint, I really didn?t want to pay full price for it, and so was delighted to find a copy on a car boot sale a year or so ago for a few pence. Am I glad I didn?t pay full price for this pile of garbage? Well, yes, but to be honest I resent even the handful of pennies I did shell out for it! This book is, quite simply, one of the worst I?ve ever read. The characters are, at best, unbelievable. They?re also completely far fetched and unlikable. The dialogue is ludicrous (NOBODY speaks like that!) I didn?t make it out of the first chapter, and even then, it took me several attempts to get that far. Sheer rubbish.

?Tis by Frank McCourt:

I made it through to the end of Angela?s Ashes, largely because I thought I should enjoy it, rather than because I actually did. But ?Tis ? no hope. If you?ve read A
;ngela?s Ashes, then ?Tis is simply more of the same miserable, introspective and self-obsessed rambling that you?ve already experience. Yes, Frank McCourt had a difficult life, but so did many, many other people in those days, and they haven?t seen fit to inflict it on the rest of us. Seriously, if you want to read something that offers little else but misery and depression, then give ?Tis a go. However, it?s not for those who enjoy a light hearted read. And, if I?m honest, it?s not even a book that makes you feel for the author. Even despite hearing about his hardships and triumphs, I cared not one jot. Didn?t make it halfway through this one, never mind to the end!

Let?s Meet on Platform 8 by Carole Matthews:

I can sum this up in one word. Utter drivel? Ok, that?s two words, but you get my point. I eventually managed to battle my way to the end of this book, which is more of a test of character than you can ever imagine ? it was exceedingly hard work. The story is a basic ?boy meets girl but boy is already married, will boy and girl have an affair?? story that is quite simply, banal to the extreme. The characters are dull and unlikeable. The story is SO predictable and, quite frankly, boring that I would literally nod off if I tried to read this book on the train. By the time that I?d got even a few pages into this book, I was hoping that one, or preferably both of the main characters would, at some point, fall off platform 8 and get squashed under a fast-train. Anything to spice up the storyline! I should think this is out of print by now, but if it isn?t, then avoid like the plague!

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking:

I know, I know, you don?t have to tell me! What on earth was I expecting when I decided to pick this up? Well, I
didn?t know, that was why I gave it a go. I soon discovered that this is far, far too intelligent stuff for the likes of me? If you?re a boffin, you?ll probably enjoy this (though my husband writes auditing software, and even he found this a struggle). Sorry, Steve, but you?re far too clever for me, I didn?t even make it past the first couple of pages.

The Practical Dog Listener: The 30-day Path to a Lifelong Understanding of Your Dog by Jan Fennell:

I really, really hate having to include this book, and the only reason it?s at the bottom of the list is that I?ve been trying to talk myself out of including it all the way through the opinion. However, if I?m honest, I?ve never managed to finish this book ? despite reading Jan?s original book (The Dog Listener) from cover to cover repeatedly ? and making many attempts to complete this one too. So, what?s the problem? Well, simply that this book is more of an instruction manual than anything else, whereas her first book (which I absolutely adore) is a fascinating insight into how Jan developed her relationship with dogs, and her training methods. It?s a useful guide to dip into now and then, but to read from start to finish ? I wouldn?t recommend it!


So there you go, my ten recommendations for what to avoid next time you?re looking for a good read! There are, of course, other books that I?ve failed to finish, including the Plague Dogs by Richard Adams and the Bible. However, the ten above are the ones that I?ve really given up on even trying to finish!





Capital letters courtesy of: http://www.chuckleweb.co.uk/fixit.php

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