Begone, pests (Top Ten Worst Celebrities)

Member Name: skittle

Product:	Top Ten Worst Celebrities
Date:	30/10/07 (225 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Letting off steam at them

Disadvantages: Having to look at them

This isn’t really a list of my ‘most hated’ celebs, I’m not really into hating anybody now that I’m getting a bit long in the tooth, but I do think there are celebrities out there that should never have been allowed air time at all. Here’s a list of my least favourite celebrities in no particular order other than the one they came to me in. Who knows, maybe some of them annoy you too – or you can convince me of how wrong I am J

Paul Daniels
It’s not often that I feel this strongly about a person, but this man sets my teeth on edge and causes my hackles to rise every time I see him on TV. There’s just something about the little guy that irritates the hell out of me and makes me want to smack his puny little head into the middle of next week, and I’m honestly not a particularly violent person. I recently attempted to watch celebrity wife swap where the lovely (she is?) Debbie McGee swapped places with Vanessa. I’m actually a Vanessa fan, but this was just painful to watch and I had to turn it off before I got too angry.

On the bright side, I was able to get my own back on Mr Daniels a few years ago, and boy did it feel good. Cast your mind back ten years or so to the launch of a new TV channel where all was wonderful – Channel 5! (yeah alright, I know, but stick with me on this). The brand new baby channel had an afternoon programme called ‘5’s Company’ which was shown live every weekday afternoon on Channel 5. This particular afternoon Paul Daniels was on the show and I was practically spitting as I watched from my desk in the Channel 5 duty office – the office that takes complaints and comments about shows on Channel 5. Bizarrely, it seems that there are others who share my feelings about Paul, as a couple of people rang to ask why Mr Daniels was still in the country – apparently he’d made a comment before the general election stating that if Labour got into power he’d be out of the country in a flash. Now this was an opportunity too good to miss, so we called 5’s Company direct in the studio – and seconds later Nick Knowles was asking Mr Daniels live on air why he hadn’t emigrated now that Mr Blair was at number 10. You’d be surprised how much I enjoyed watching the little fella squirm as he tried to talk his way out of that one.

Jeremy Beadle
Again, just watching this man on TV makes me feel slightly ill. I’ve never been a fan of ‘prank’ TV anyway, which is about all Mr Beadle has ever seemed to do. But it’s more than that, something about the man himself just makes my skin itch. Whenever I’m unfortunate enough to spot his manically grinning, beardy little face on the telly I’m instantly desperate to turn over – and that laugh! Don’t get me started. Suffice to say, he’s not my favourite person on TV, though thankfully you don’t see him that often anymore.

Ronnie Corbett
Now, I’ll admit I feel more than a little bit guilty about including this guy in my list of the top ten worst celebrities, mainly because he seems like such a genuinely nice, caring family guy – but Jesus, does he annoy the pants off me. I love Ronnie Barker, I honestly believe the man is a comedy genius, but I couldn’t abide the Two Ronnies simply because 50% of it was Ronnie Corbett. I just don’t find him funny, not one little bit. Believe me I’ve tried, but it’s just not humour that works for me. Watching Ronnie Corbett just tends to annoy me more than make me laugh. I’d just like to take this opportunity to state that I am not, as would appear from my first three choices, biased against vertically challenged British men who consider themselves amusing, per se, just these three in particular.

Denis Norden
And whilst we’re on the subject of unfunny… I know, I know, this man is regarded as a comedy icon by those old enough to remember his hay-day, but for me he’s just unfunny. His slow, halting delivery in the ‘It’ll Be Alright on the Night’ series just makes me want to scream with frustration and ram several volts of electricity up his behind to see if that will get him talking any faster.

Mr Blobby
Yes I know, not a real person – but he is (or was) a celebrity in his own right, so surely qualifies for this list? Bah, what am I thinking, this is my top ten anyway, I’ll include whoever I like, mwahahahaha. Getting back to the subject in hand – I mean, why? Why for God’s sake? A silly pink and yellow spotty costume with an idiot inside that falls over so often he really must have an awful drinking habit. Yes, kids loved it, but they’re kids, what do they know? Bah to you, Mr Blobby, you opened the floodgates for grown men in silly costumes on TV, you will never be forgiven.

Amy Winehouse
This is another one that I hesitated before including – the first girl to make my list and a very young, modern, talented and popular one at that. But Jesus, what the hell is she doing to herself? It’s just embarrassing to see the girl making a tit of herself on TV, out of her face on whatever it is she feels the need to drink or otherwise imbibe. Whenever I catch her on TV it just makes me feel so sad, and I hate to pity somebody who is otherwise so very, very lucky. She’s a damn fine singer, she’s fabulously gorgeous, she’s got the money and the family who really care – she’s got it all and she’s piddling it away. The TV companies shouldn’t book her, her agent shouldn’t let her do TV but most of all SHE should take responsibility for what she’s doing to herself and sort it out, if for no other reason than for the appalling example she’s setting for young girls everywhere. This kind of behaviour was shocking in the late eighties/early nineties – nowadays it’s just sad.

Samantha Fox
And now I’ve started on the ladies, it seems I can’t stop. Another ‘celebrity’ that just leaves me wondering, why? Famous for getting her puppies out on page 3 in the eighties, and her ‘interesting’ singing career, surely it should all have ended there. But Page 3 Stunna Sam Fox just refuses to go quietly. Not content with appearing occasionally on the odd hard-up-for-guests chat show, her most embarrassing escapade of recent years must’ve been her stint as a ‘celebrity’ bar-manager in ‘The Club’. For those of you who haven’t seen Samantha in the bar, drunkenly trying to swoosh her black cape and finishing up trapped underneath it, unable to get out, you really don’t know what you’re missing. Classic embarrassment TV, the type that makes you inwardly cringe on their behalf. You’d have thought she’d have left it there, but no, the woman is still touting her wares on afternoon TV shows across the world. Sad, really.

Timmy Mallett
Another one from the 80’s that should’ve stayed well and truly buried there. If you’re as old as me you may well remember Timmy Mallett and his inimitable mallet from childrens TV programmes the Wide Awake Club and Wacaday. As far as I was ever able to tell, this man is, apparently, famous for wearing ludicrously ugly brightly coloured clothes coupled with an inane expression and a ridiculously squeaky voice – and assaulting small children with a mallet. As for his cover of ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’… Well, I rest my case.

Michael Barrymore
I’ve always had a distinct dislike for Mr Michael Barrymore – from the days of Strike it Lucky onwards, to be honest. He’s always struck me as a bully, a small-minded excuse for a man with a nasty streak running right through him and a definite need to have all of the attention all of the time. You wouldn’t have got me on one of his shows for any amount of money (well, maybe you would for a really obscene amount, but I wouldn’t suck up to him like his contestants invariably did on that show, do you think they chose them for their suction power?). And his ‘My Kind of People’ shows were really just a platform for Mr Barrymore to show off himself and act like an obnoxious git by humiliating members of the public (who really should have known better). I never did understand why the British public adored the guy, I just could never see it. Though I do admit that I feel a pang of pity for him over the issue with the corpse in his swimming pool, it basically destroyed his career and can’t have done much for his personal life, either.

Michael Jackson
Do I need to quantify this one? Well, I will anyway. It is my belief that Michael Jackson has led such an unnatural life that he actually doesn’t know how to behave as a normal person. All this stuff with Neverland, building an amusement park in your own back yard, inviting children for ‘sleepovers’, keeping your own zoo, dangling your own babies out of hotel windows, calling several of your children by the same name, buying paintings and then changing your mind and refusing to pay for them… Just seems like the kind of thing a spoilt child would do. It is my honest opinion that Michael Jackson has very likely never had to actually think, do or even make a decision for himself. As such, he’s the very worst kind of celebrity – the celeb who has never had a life. Poor guy.

Anyway, that’s the end of my list (unless I’ve miscounted). Hope you enjoyed reading it even if you don’t agree with all, or any, of my choices. Phew, I can tell you one thing though, writing this hasn’t half helped me vent, I’ve really let off some steam and I feel absolutely marvellous for it, you should try it.

Summary: My top ten Celebrities I love to hate, and a short description of why.