Adverts - A Rant (TV adverts in general)

Member Name: delawney

Product:	TV adverts in general
Date:	13/05/03 (935 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Some are entertaining

Disadvantages: Most are not

So, I was out the other day (I do go out sometimes) and I spotted one of those huge unattractive billboards advertising BBC Bitesize. It read, "BBC Bitesize nails revision". I was puzzled. Why would anyone need to revise nails?

Hmmm. Anyway, this got me pondering (I do like to ponder) about adverts in general. I seem to waste inordinate amounts of time watching adverts on television. Mr delawney likes to channel hop during the adverts, and this annoys the pants off me as it often leads to missing the beginning of the next part of the programme. So me, I just sit through them like a muppet.

You see, I think I must be totally oblivious to advertising. I really cannot think of any occasion when I have thought, "yes, I must go out and buy that" because I've seen an advertisement for it. And I've been racking my brain extremely hard (I don't recommend it, it's painful) to think of an occasion where I might have been encouraged subliminally to buy a particular product, and I honestly could not think of one. Most of what I buy isn't advertised on the telly anyway, since it's all weird "green" or vegan stuff. So what purpose do they serve? Are there really people out there who fall for that rubbish? (Apologies to anyone I've just inadvertently offended with that remark - ha, in-advert-ently!). I guess there must be else companies wouldn't spend millions of pounds peddling their goods on the box.

Of course, some of the adverts are better than the programmes. I did enjoy the recent re-run of the "100 Greatest Adverts", especially the Smash one. But just because the advert is good, doesn't mean the product will be. Besides, half the time I can't even remember what the advert was for, and this goes double when it's a good one.

And what is the current obsession with showing children on the loo? Excuse me? I can't think of anything worse t
han being filmed on the throne. I don't want to see anybody on the toilet, no matter what age they are. Especially when I'm eating my tea.

And it seems we just can't get away from the adverts anymore. Slowly but surely they have started to invade not just the gaps in-between the programmes, but the programmes themselves, with all this blooming sponsorship stuff. Who wants to think about All Bran when they're watching Countdown? After all, you're already watching something tasteless.

[Aside - I did enjoy the Skittles Sours (vegan) sponsorship of Buffy on Sky though - very witty.]

It seems to me that adverts fall into several different categories, each of which can be given an annoying rating. Here's a small selection of my particular pet hates.

1. Being Blinded With Science (Annoying Rating = High)
Cosmetics adverts are brilliant for this. What is a liposome when it's at home? And is an active liposome more fit than an inactive one? "New supercream full of mono-di-glyceride-heffalumps with smoothing effervescent saturate-chloride-liposomes for cleaner, fresher looking skin". Note the emphasis on the "looking" - crafty bar-stewards...

Then they go and make up words. Top of delawney's annoying list at the present time is "mattifying". "Mattifying" is not even a word. Now I have annoying red lines all over my screen where the spellchecker doesn't recognise it. So take your "mattifying technology" and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

Of course, you also get it for cleaning products, especially the washing powders and the like, with their latest "stain removing technology". I just switch off (metaphorically speaking). I can't bear it.

And tampons with lubrication - ew... Don't even go there.

2. Celebrity Endorsement (Annoying Rating = High)
Who is John Stalker? Y
ou know, he's the bloke that advertises Nationwide Sun Awnings with his dog (see 3. below). I assume we are supposed to know who he is since his name flashes up on the screen. I haven't got a clue.

OK, you can kind of forgive Thora Hird advertising the Relax Chair thingumy, but if I see Carol Vorderman on an advert one more time I will scream. Just because she's good at mental arithmetic doesn't give her the right to try and flog me some dodgy life insurance policy plan.

As for the "quote me happy" one, (I can't remember what it's for or who the celebrity is, I was that convinced), purr-lease... And I'm not even going to mention Jamie Oliver (oops, just did).

3. The Cute Animal Sell (Annoying Rating = Medium)
Now, I don't mind cute animals. Especially when they're cats. So when they're advertising cat food, or dog food, or whatever, I guess that's kind of OK. But for years I've been wondering what a puppy has to do with toilet paper. Are you going to go and wipe your bum on a dog? I think not. And if they're trying to say that their paper is as soft as a puppy, well, yuk. Besides, in my experience, puppies are not always soft.

[Aside - I have a particular pet hate about that Andrex advert where the puppy replaces himself with a loo roll as he doesn't like being stroked to hard. Notice how gently the man in question strokes the loo roll?]

4. Make Mum and Dad Buy This (Annoying Rating = High)
You know the ones, aimed directly at children to encourage them to employ the pester factor. Criminal. 'Nuff said.

5. Buy the Lifestyle (Annoying Rating = Medium)
The ones that try and convince you that if you buy the product you'll get a lifestyle like the person in the advert. How not convincing is that? Some of them are particularly dubious lifestyles anyway.


So I guess there's no love lost between me
and adverts. Still, I do appreciate that it is the adverts on the telly that pay for most of my favourite programmes, so I shouldn't complain. (Not that that ever stopped me mind...). Still, at least it seems that advertisers are generally putting more thoughts into the commercials, and yes, some of them are better that the programmes...

... so on that note, I'm off to watch some!

*** A Final Thought ***

All this thinking about adverts brought another pet hate of mine to mind - the renaming of longstanding brands (presumably) in line with our European counterparts. You know, like renaming Immac "Veet" and Opal Fruits "Starbursts". Why is there a tendency to give them new names sounding like venereal diseases? Like "Cif". Certainly doesn't make me want to run out and buy it. "Cor, I must get myself some Cif" really doesn't have a ring to it does it?

To me, a Marathon will always be a Marathon, Opal Fruits will always be Opal Fruits (and they're vegan you know), and Jif will always be Jif. And Mr delawney will continue to threaten to Immac the cats.

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