The Apprentice:2008! (TV Programs in General)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	TV Programs in General
Date:	11/04/08 (580 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: The Apprentice is back!

Disadvantages: Does Alan really need an apprentice..

"Turnover is vanity, profit is sanity"

The Apprentice 2008

Wednesday at 9pm on BBC 1
After show at 10pm on BBC2

Repeated Saturday midnight...

16 chefs, two pots, and one kitchen-it must be 'The Apprentice'! So here we all are for series four, Sir Alan Sugars search for his successor still going strong. His first big hope was Tim, a very likeable Afro-Caribbean, English guy, who worked on the London Tube and ticked all the boxes, his honest and hard working approach impressing Sugar. He could see lot of himself in Tim but Tim couldn't see a future in Sir Alan, soon unhappy at Sugar enterprises after being bunged on a ridiculous healthy & beauty project selling dodgy slimming aids. I think they call it constructed dismissal. Tim would not be the man. His replacement was as female version of Tim, single parent Michelle, seeing off a mouthy lesbian Brummie girl to win the six figure salary by having the more pert breasts and fluttery eye-lashes. But she too lived up to her name and reputation, getting pregnant by one of the other contestants soon after, plonker Sayed, no less. Goodbye Michelle. Alan's caustic comments about women and babies in the work place would be spot on. So another series was needed, this time Sir Alan falling for the charms of likable Cambridge graduate Simon Ambrose. He is currently working on Sugars airport hotel complex near Stanstead. History shows they are normally gone when the next series hits our TV screens so expect a surprise resignation soon from Mr. Ambrose. Alan clearly doesn't trust these plonkers to run his business, and the fact the show has become BBC flagship entertainment that has to be made come what may, joining new Dr Who for their crucial spring schedule, his worries can be indulged.
But we all know the show is no longer about winning the top job with the man who loves playing the gnarly businessman, but about keeping Sir Alan's profile high as his business empire crumbles into dust, 16 hopeless plonkers dressed like estate agents there to help it on its way. And what fun it is. Anyone who has had the misfortune to own an Amstrad product will now know why it's so poorly made. Nope, it's all about the journey of the contestants and how much TV time they can accrue to pursue other careers, usually in the media. One of this year's 16 has already put up her own website to pitch for media work and appearances off the back of the show. One suspects she will be trying to attract publicity with her antics in the coming 12 weeks, although so far it's been refined to a silly beret.

But for all this posturing and pruning there are some guys and girls on the show that want to get on in life, looking to jump out of their mid five figure salaries and go for the big six . This years16 (now 13) are the usual gaggle of upper working-class middle manager clichés (straight from The Office sitcom!), complimented by a couple of public schoolboys and blue-collar grafters for Sir Alan to gleefully sneer and put down in the appraisal interviews for the series to come. The toffs never stand a chance. But it's the production team that picks the 16 and it's only the finger from SAS who can get rid of them. These sixteen are anything but the right people for the job but make for bloody good TV.
Sugar is from humble Jewish barrow-boy stock and he's never going to employ anyone that is posh or who has a good job, this year at least a quarter of the team allegedly earning 100k a year, the salary on offer, which begs the question why they are here. With an ethnic minority male winning in the first year and a female single parent the second, maybe its time for an Asian contestant to go all the way to pull in the viewers this time. The 16 are formulaic to say the least and this is the first year we haven't had a black male to complete the rainbow business nation. It may be the BBC but all television has to be cynical to some extent. Remember, Sir Alan Sugar's reputation depends on the show.

-The Boys-

Team Renaissance

Alex Wotherspoon
Nicholas De Lacey Brown
Raef Bjayou
Simon Smith senior TV engineer
Lee
Ian Stringer
Kevin Shaw
Michael Sophocles

-The Girls-

Team Alpha

Zara Dhada
Helen Speight
Jenny Celeier
Lucinda Ledgerway
Jennifer Maguire
Shazia Wahab
Lindi Mngaza
Claire Young


-Episode One-

After a brief introduction to Sir Alan, all 16 are assigned their first task, here trying to sell fish at Islington Market. The boy's are a shambles, egos and then class war ripping the team in two to ignominious defeat. Posh and unexplainably arrogant Nicholas De Lacey Brown was put on costing, and for some reason didn't have a clue how much a lobster cost, deciding a fiver would do it. The retail price was nearer twenty quid, one of many fatal mistakes he would make on day one.
Team leader Alex Wotherspoon, hair gelled and confident sales manager type, could only watch on as his efforts of leadership were ignored because he didn't have the right 'redbrick' degree. The girls, on the other hand, were getting on swimmingly under the leadership of 'shouty' and confident Claire Young, a senior retail buyer. It's fair to say the two team leaders had the biggest egos by taking the poison chalice so early on. It's usually a fatal decision.

Alex, who's first job was turning manure-according to his BBC bio page on the official website-applied the same line of work to talk his way out of being fired, taking the two posh boys into the boardroom to face Sir Alan's prepared and abrupt put downs, the barrister with the double-barrel name unable to defend himself in the court of Sugar, slung out on his ass for being a complete pratt. Here endeth Nicholas De Lacey Browns media career. Exeter university drama student Raef Bjayou, equally pompous and annoying, will live to fight another day.

-Episode two-

The teams were assigned the task of running an overnight laundry service, something the girls should be right at home at. But team leader Jenny (this year's psycho cow, filling the Katy role) had as much idea on pricing as De Lacey did on the last task, bizarrely agreeing on a five pound per item cleaning fee? Costing more than the actual clothing! The IQs are clearly running lower than the number of decent contestants left out there for the show when you have people of that caliber and dimness making it to the final cut.

The boys had no problems, winning the task with military precision, posh boy Raif enjoying being leader, even having the working class lads doing all the skivvy work in the boiling washhouse. His hair is most odd, like a tidal wave of Harmony Hairspray smashing into Sri-Lanka! Ex army Simon Smith, a senior TV engineer (he fits satellite dishes on council houses), said it was like being back in the army with a posh officer giving the orders. The male bonding was homoerotic at points.

The girls were not so keen on the patronizing task, refusing to change out of their high heels and Gucci to do the priority washing and ironing, image more important than results with this lot of cackling and pruning females it seems. They were beaten badly, bitchy team leader Jenny turning all the blame onto Asian girl Shazia and posh girl Lucinda, the later looking irked to say the least having to do proper work.

Bizarrely, Shazia that got sacked, her simple error deemed more serious to Sir Alan than the cretinous leadership by Jenny, her costing of £5 per item enough to have her shot in the boardroom. The East End Jew Sugar couldn't wait to sack Muslim Shazia in my opinion, she the one who made the one million pound law suit against bosses like Alan in her recent past. Was it racist? Who knows, but it was certainly wrong. There seemed to be no other reason than the above. I suspect it was more to do with the produces wanted to keep psycho Jenny in the show and they whispered that in Sir Alan's ear in the meeting to swing it at the end. Sugars an odious creature at the best of times and living of past success, not the sort of person anyone would want to work for.

-Episode Three-

Alan's mistrust of Muslims seems to be continuing as he picked the remaining one to be captain of the girl's team, Zara, bound to be up for the finger if her bitchy team loses. Zara didn't look comfortable in the role, this time to run a themed pub for the day, she choosing Bollywood, the boys appointed captain in the anvil headed Ian (in many ways) going for Italian cuisine. Weasel bank manager Kevin (who looks like Little Britain's Matt Lucas... with hair....) offered to be head chef , Anthony Worrall-Thompson style (the worlds largest midget), whilst Zara went for Indian cooking and sari's to bring in the male punters, token pretty black contestant Lindi looking very good in satin.

The girls cackled and bitched their way to victory by keeping costs down, the old student trick of a five pound of your meal and entrance voucher clinching it, the boys sulking off to a greasy spoon to lick their egos. Again the posh boys avoided the hard work behind the scenes and the blame was shifted on to the team captain, which this week was crap and so fired. Ian had been bought up in pubs where his dad was manager and head chef..

-Tips-

#1 Don't be on the girls team.

Previous series have seen the girl's team lose the early challenges and so-the first five is series 2-and so take note

#2 Don't be a team leader.

New contestants watch the old series and know if you put yourself up to lead that week your chances of being fired are huge.

#3 Keep your head down

You can drift through the first four of five tasks by doing little as the egos destroy themselves.

#4 Flirt with Sir Alan.

The pretty girl's go further than the pretty boys with SAS, Michelle making the final two years ago on her breast thrusting alone. Apparently SAS is now a gay icon in the homosexual community in London and so this year's undisclosed-as yet-token gay contestant may also have a flirtation or two.

#5 Grovel!

Alan loves the words 'Sir Alan Sugar' as he does his own voice. Blow smoke up his arse and you will survive. Alan forgets it was the 2 million quid he gave to Blair that got him the gong and not his crappy companies and leadership skills.

-Conclusions-

Although the show is becoming 'The Office', little bank manager Kevin playing David Brent, its still great TV. The idea of the show in its forth season, more than ever, is about making you the viewer feel more adequate and able in life as you watch these guys mess up simple tasks. Most of the contestants are white with blue eyes and blue chip CVs, the rewards for winning the tasks even more cost cut than the talent on show.

Summary: Reality good fun