An Apology to all the dooyoo girls... (Valentine's Day)

Name: thedevilinme

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Product:	Valentine's Day
Date:	14/02/08 (300 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Smiles for some...

Disadvantages: Not for others..

Ok girls this is not an apology for not being able to come down all your chimneys tonight for Valentines but for making one too many cheeky and flirty comments on your reviews of late. Dooyoo has told me off for flirting with the girls that don't need flirting with on here and I have to stop now. They say I was 'goosing ya' when I say I was merely fluttering my eye-lashes. It was a shameless attempt to get reads (now that the new rewards system favors churn with spelling mistakes that seem to have been 'texted' in rather than any thought applied) and so sorry about that. Some of these new guys aint rating so I had to go chasing my tail to keep the miles coming in to put bread on the table. I did not mean to offend any of you and I just want to say I love you all, and if I could climb through the screen I quite literally would... Doh! I did it again. It was a gesture as tacky as those card shop displays today for Valentines and I'm going to be boring Phill from now on.

So, after the first sweet lick of spring cheered our very souls this week before the lights were turned of today, lets hear it for dooyoos hard working mums and girlfriends on this romantic day, their other-half's quite rightfully under extreme pressure to get it right in the romance stakes (without being too tacky). The men that buy chocolates and flowers get a black mark for unoriginality whilst the ones who bought naughty 'undies have only one thing on their minds--refunds! Never buy women underwear! It's even worse than picking her shoes!!! In fact I picked some shoes for a girl once. Bad idea. I think they were pink and green with triangles on them. On the subject of the female shoe and their propensity to buy them, according to the BBC2s Horizon documentary the other night, it's all to do with how attractive they feel about themselves when they go shopping for shoes. Apparently, the more shoes she buys equates to how needy she is for a partner. The fewer shoes she buys the closer she is to marriage. Is this true girls? Do shoes make you taller and look sexier? (and no I'm not going to hang around female shoe shops in my lunch hour). I think the guys out there need to check how many new pairs of shoes she has in the closet. My youngest brother's girlfriend went one better than making demands for heels, wanting him to pay for her new nails for Valentines? Are nails the new stilettos we wonder...?

A couple of dooyoo members have also said I behaved with a sexist attitude on their reviews. Again this is tongue-in-cheek and just to get noticed and get some return reads. My online persona is bullet-proof so I wrongly thought that was the case with everyone else. I won't be doing it again and will stay away from the girly reviews to avoid temptation. Even the baby oil ones... :-(

Anyhow, too make a girl feel special today and to steer away from sexism stereotypes a guy should at least do the housework, girls tending to do it because the boys won't do it when told, even today. Did you know the average woman walks 7,300 miles with the Hoover (or the Dyson for dooyoos middle-class mums) in her lifetime, whilst men manage a meager 850 miles? I recall applying this gesture of doing the housework for a girlfriend on Valentines Day at her flat in the next to nothing, by the end of it, she was screaming like the Hoover for me to get into the nooks and crannies.lol. Whoops, too naughty...There I go again! But guys, the naked housework thing works really well! If you are under twelve stone that is...

Most of the boys will have noticed a suspiciously large amount of dooyoo 'totty' on site since the new rewards have enticed in more members. We have beautiful Brazilian women, sexy Zimbabwean girls, and sultry bikini babes, and, of course, exhausted mums with kids. Whether their pictures are indeed the girls behind the accounts is still up for debate. But tonight, rather sadly, it may just be another normal one for the dooyoo girls, a nice bottle of wine, Coronation Street and worrying about work tomorrow. No cute guy to ruffle her hair and those worries away. So I think we should raise a glass to all who have lived and loved and then being duped and dumped. I think we are all in that category!

Chocolate or sex?

With recent surveys finding out that emancipated British women often chocolate to sex, turning to the vino if they can't have either, I think it's about time the boys stepped up their game and showed British women we are still real men. It's pretty depressing news these days when you hear guys are spending more money on cosmetics in Boots than women are and I do feel blokes are being too feminized in today's society because the adverts demand it, especially on days like this. This is why 20% of women are now classed as hazardous drinkers from all this Bridget Jones singledom going on, guzzling 15-35 units per week on average, according to some the latest government survey think tank. All the thirtysomething girls I know always have a good supply of Pinot Grigot in the fridge for a quiet evening or two...or three..

The Restaurant...?

A meal out is the most likely event for most lovers for Valentines Night. A rather publicity keen restaurant booking agency decided to survey their customers habits on going out for a meal on a date. It found that most women expected the men to pay, especially on the early dates. 50% of women who replied described themselves as a 'cursory purse grabbers'-someone who makes out to pay, but doesn't really intend to. 85% of the men who replied said they had no problem with paying for the meal.

I would have no problem with paying for the meal. I'm a man. No tacky red rose though.

Guys know that if women let you pay then its code that you may well get your afters...If the girls want to go half there and then, it's a taxi and early to bed pal! 'Cheque Please' is one of the great sexual indicators of our time.lol. 75% of the men surveyed said they would still pay for the meal even if the date had gone wrong, which again I agree with. Rather surprisingly, 81% of women wanted to choose where they sit at a restaurant?? I presume it's to insure a quick get away if the guys breath stinks or he's a right twit etc...but if it isn't then women need to enlighten me on this one. How very odd.
38% of women said chivalry was still important at the table and 27% expected their date to 'stand up' when the woman left the table. I had to chuckle at the statistic that 37% said it was chivalrous for men to pick up the bill but 39% said topping their glass up was more important. lol....Bad date, I'm drunk, who cares...

99 Red Balloons...

The commercial side of Valentines really does irritate guys. It's such a tacky and unromantic affair today and with card shops having more red balloons and streamers than a Russian brothel it's a no win day for the male of the species. This pressure to 'romantically perform' once a year also puts Valentines Day in the three most popular occasions for a relationship to slip up, second only to Christmas and family holidays. For some reason the supply and demand rules go out of the window today and the price of chocolates and flowers goes up radically in the shops (its not as if the retailers didn't know today was coming). Promiscuous modern romance trends also mean you can get two-for-one in everything for Valentines, including cards and Cadburys Roses...

And finally the Valentines Massacre...

But it's not all chocolates and flowers today, Heather Mills, of course, about to set another divorce precedent as she chases Paul's fortune in the High Court. Actually seeing the silly woman trying to defend herself in the dock, I reckon, would be even better than that 02 Led Zeppelin ticket! The fact she is after the money Paul accrued whilst not married to her could well be damaging to married men's finances if she wins. In fact he actually lost money from record sales and tours when she was with him. As you would expect the tabloids are having a field day with their headlines as each Beatles song is reeled off one-by-one.

McCartney was once untouchable, even able to stop it raining at one of his concerts; such was his way with the Gods, hiring three jets at the cost of £28,000 to spray dry ice into the clouds above his concert in St Petersburg, Russia, thus preventing rain. But it's absolutely pi**ing down on him right now as the demented woman closes in on the £50 million to keep herself in the style she is accustomed to. Although you feel sorry for Paul for being so gullible it was a deal with the devil and a pensioner knows he doesn't get crumpet like that unless he's loaded. Ile have a beer with you Paul!

Cheers!

A pint for the gentleman and a fruit based drink for the ladies!!!

Summary: Commercial nonesense