Newest Review: ... and I don't think a large gesture every year is appropriate or necessary, but the first year you are together I do want something. Whe... more
We don't do Valentines Day!
Member Name: broxi3781
Advantages: Some people feel the need for constant reminders of being loved.
Disadvantages: Makes love into something to be bought and sold.
I may sound totally unromantic, but I'm not. I just have a different definition of romance than most. I'm afraid I see flowers and cards as a waste of money, and Valentines is the last day of the year I would want to try to go out for a romantic dinner, as I despise crowds. I'm afraid we don't really celebrate wedding anniversaries either. For me it is enough that we have spent over 12 years together, have two beautiful children, and still love each other just as we are.
My husbands birthday is on Valentines Day, and that is what we celebrate on the 14th of Februaury. But even birthdays are simple in our house, at least for grown ups. The children and I will make him a cake, and then I will keep the children out of the way as much as possible playing video games, board games, and watching DVD's and let him have peace and quiet to play his new PS3 game by himself. This year is his 50th and I really wish I could do more, but I can't really arrange a night with his friends as they'll all be taking their wives out. I would have liked to book a small fishing boat trip for him and a few friends - but it's the wrong time of year. Oh well, if I can manage later in the year I will.
Although we do not celebrate Valentines Day anymore, we did on our first year together, and I can never look back on that day without a smile. We were really short on cash at the time. My husband had just started a new job and he had borrowed money to buy me an engagement ring for Christmas. He already seemed to realise I wasn't fussed on flowers and chocolates and asked what he could buy me for Valentines Day. I tried to say nothing, but he thought a gift was important. I suggested a value range toaster as we both like toast in the mornings we did not have a grill at the time either. My husband trying to make toast in front of gas fire was amusing, but not too tasty.
My husband worked 12 hour shifts as a security guard at the time. With travel time included it was nearly 14 hours. He rang me up rather panicked during the day. His workmates had convinced him a toaster was totally inappropriate gift. They told him when a girl says she does not want anything - it means she wants a lot! He didn't know what to do, and didn't have time or money to buy anything else. He was offering to borrow a few pound and take me out that night - but I had a special dinner on ( well as best one can do without a proper cooker - just two separate rings) and friends of his invited to come around and celebrate his birthday so we couldn't think of going out!
Still it took him some time to relax and realise I was really very happy with the toaster. In fact the toaster was a wonderful gift. It was something we really needed and we both enjoyed it. It didn't last terribly long, but it lasted until we were on our feet and could buy a better one. What I'll always remember though is the fact that he really wanted to do something nice. It doesn't matter what he bought - you can not buy love - it really is the thought that counts.
That was many years ago, and my husband and I are an old married couple now. We both know how the other thinks, and we no longer feel the need to worry about special dates. We do love Christmas, but it's more for the children. I am the one in charge of birthdays. I help the children to make my cake as well - and I choose myself a present from Amazon - usually a new book or two - this year I am getting Mario Party for the Wii so we can all play together. I suppose all of this sounds terribly unromantic to the average reader :)
All the same - we have a happy marriage and are growing older together as we watch our children grow. There is something about that so much more romantic than a dozen roses and a tacky plastic gift. We know each other well enough to know what the other truly enjoys. My husband had a tiny bit of extra money recently and bought two wonderful DS games for the children - he knows how much I love to see them happy. I know he isn't terribly fond of Nintendo but he has sat up many nights with us playing Super Mario, or Mario Kart as family game night is important to me.
There are times I wish we had a bit more time just to ourselves - but the children will only be little for a short while, and I'm enjoying this time very much as well. We don't get a romantic night out any more - but we can have lovely nights in. And I encourage my husband to have a good night out with the boys now and then. Or send him off fishing. I may be wrong, but I think the average bloke far prefers a night on the town with his mates than his wife anyway, and a stinky fishing trip to romantic dinner!
I'm sure a few people will tell me I need to worry - sending my husband off alone. I don't think so. I know him too well. And according to devil's review - I've nothing to worry about - he has just gone up another size for his trousers :) It doesn't matter to me. I don't believe in love at first sight, except that it happened to me. I fell in love the moment I saw him, and I still feel the same way every time I look into his face.
I dislike Valentines Day to some extent, because I feel that it makes many people feel more alone. Not everyone is in a relationship, and many who are are no longer very happy in it. I think it makes people who have lost their partner feel more alone, and those who just happen to be single feel left out. It's like - if you can't get a date for Valentines Day something is wrong with you. For all that I do not think Valentine's Day brings a great deal of joy to those in a relationship either. It just puts pressure on people to feel they have to make a romantic gesture, when to be truly romantic, a gesture should be spontaneous.
I think Valentine's Day sets unrealistic expectations of love and romance, and sets many people up for disappointment. It makes love into a competition of who can buy the most. It is yet another attempt to make love into a commodity we can buy and sell. Love can not be bought. No matter how many gifts you can buy - it is still just stuff. Stuff is not valuable. What matters is time, thinking of each other and kindness. The best gift my husband has ever given me the ability just to be myself. He knows I am not perfect but he loves me - warts and all. And that is exactly how I feel about him. He isn't perfect - we all have faults - but I love him exactly as he is.
Summary: Love is what counts - not gifts and trinkets.