WWF= Dean Malenko (WWE World Wrestling Entertainment)

Member Name: nednod

Product:	WWE World Wrestling Entertainment
Date:	03/03/02 (2517 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Dean Malenko, Prince Albert, Val Venis

Disadvantages: many

After reviewing every single important wrestler in the WWF at the moment I've decided to review the whole bunch of them.

They come in all shapes and sizes, small, big and very big. Funaki being one of a better known "heavyweight" and Kane being a great example of a "lightweight".

To be a good wrestler, not only do you need a great catch phrase, but also a great personality. The first few that I will talk about will be the "Big Timers" at the moment, where as nearer the end of the op you will find the less important people, such as The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

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The Wrestlers
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Val Venis:
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Smooth, strong and very very hot. You may be thinking I'm talking about one hell of a cup of coffee, but no, you are mistaken. Much like one though, the Big Valbowski, as he is known, is one of the most controversial wrestlers in the WWF.

Coming down to the ring, wearing nothing but his pants, boots and towel, he charms women with his growly voice and manly looks. And just like with women, he nearly always wins in the ring. 240 pounds of muscle, the big balbowski came into the WWF in the spring of '98. In the year of 2000, the mind controlling Steven Richard, or Old White Socks as good old JR calls him did the unthinkable; converting Val to "Fight the good fight." Val joined the Right To Censor giving up his womanising ways. However in the 2002 Royal Rumble Val made an expected return, though not really a return for you could watch him on shows such Metal, wearing his towel, and bringing back his carefree attitude to the WWF. What a man.
Out of ten: 9

Albert:
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Think of a wild gorilla, times the hair and the size by 56 and you have Albert. In his early days he was known as Prince Albert teaming up with the almighty Drozz. Though this par
tnership was not to last with the injuring of Drozz. However, Albert's Hairy back was not to be lost from the federation for only a few weeks past before he teamed up with Trish and Test. Test went too far though, the flirting between Test and Trish was too much for Albert to stand (I think Albert had a little crush on Trish, arrrrrrrrrrrr.) Soon after, he was to join the mighty partnership of X-Pac and Justin Credible. They were invincible, dreaded by everyone. X-Pac's strength, Albert's looks and Credible's erm, speed, was petrifying. Paul Hayman was to be the one who broke these up. Now Albert works alone, afraid that someone will break his heart again. Even though thousands of women are just praying for a stroke of his hairy back, his hair, is covered.
Out of ten: 9

Billy Gunn:
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Yes, I know what your thinking.
"He's an Ass man"
I know. He is and one hell of a good one at that. Originally from Texas, this 268 pound monster is one of the most decorated tag team competitors of all time. 8, yes 8 times the Gunn has won the title, with two different partners, 3 times as part of The Smokin' Gunns, and 5 times with The New Age Outlaws. In which he teamed up with the giant that is Road Dog. His bum, well that is the "Val Venis" of bums. Yes, many times would you see him come down to the ring and shake his booty. But now, ever since DX beat him to the floor, even though he was already injured, he's changed. Now sporting different music to what he originally had, and his original music, you don't get much better than that, he also now focuses on his head- band, not his bum. His partner, Chuck, though much like Billy himself just doesn't come near to the power that Road Dogg used to have. It's tragic.
Out of ten: 6

The Brooklyn Brawler:
=================
Now coming up to 87 he has to be one of the oldest wrestlers in the business at the moment. Sporting
a blue t-shirt with rips in (and his big fat hairy belly showing) the brawler is very well known for making other wrestlers look good. However, I myself see the Brawler in a different way. A man who has lots of potential, very quick, on the ball all the time and very, very strong, and lets not forget his handsome looks.
His most famous loss, was against The Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels, this is one to tell the grandchildren (he's probably already got some.) After winning, yes, winning a battle royal at Madison Square in '97, the Brawler got to face the champ, Shawn Michaels, in front of thousands. Although promptly defeated the Brawler put up a great fight worthy of the title. The Brawler retired from professional fighting a few years ago, though whenever a wrestler needs a win, or he people who decide the matches just want a great big laugh, they call upon the Brawler. What a man.
Out of ten: 9

Dean Malenko:
============
"The James Bond Of The WWF" entered the WWF with a big fan base. Not only did the women love him, the men wanted to be him. Soon after entering he won his first belt, The Light-heavy weight, a massive belt. He, much like the big valbowski lives on women. Though, Old Smoothy Pants, (Dean) is a bit more successful, I think, in the bedroom. His great looks, years and years and years of experience add up not only in the bedroom, but also in the ring.

His partner, Perry Saturn, made their partnership one of the best. Though Perry, like many people, got obsessed with a mop. Dean had to go it alone, and it seems to have worked. Making regular spots as the main event in shows as big Metal and sometimes even Superstars. Yes, this is not a man to be reckoned with, his finishing move, the Texas Clover Leaf, is a life-threatening move, with only the best surviving it.
Out of ten: 9

Steve Blackman:
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Showing little emotion, in or outside the ring, Steve lets his martial art
s do the talking for him. Known as "The Lethal Weapon" a name well worked for, he was known for his great rivalry with the mighty Ken Shamrock, though he proved he was the better man and left this miserable rivalry to go bigger, and better. Soon after he joined his good friend Al Snow, naming him Cheese Head after the cheese, which he wore upon his head. This was not Steve's style, though he was a great success with the public. He now fights alone; sometimes coming up against such great opponents as Hardcore Holly, for Steve is a master in the hardcore department.
Out of ten: 8

Crash Holly:
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Introduced to the WWF by the star that is his cousin, Hardcore Holly, a new meaning to the word Super Heavy Weight was made. This giant is mean, quick and very strong. Very much into the "Hardcore" department Crash likes very much to face opponents that are bigger than him. These are very hard to find though, so many times you will se Crash pounding down a poor, helpless wrestler, all because everyone else is too scared to face him.

His love is Molly, taken away from him by "The Hurricane." It was tragic. Crash could not bear it and ever since he's been going down hill. From fighting on Metal, to Raw, then to events such as Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. What a pity.
Out of ten: 7

Funaki:
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The WWF website call him "one of the most dangerous superstars in the entire federation," so do I. Coming in at 5'7", 180 pounds this giant comes from the northern regions of Japan. He's held numerous titles, only one in the WWF but that's beside the point. He's willing to sacrifice anything, even his body. His high-flying stunts make him one of the most watchable wrestlers, ever!
Out of ten: 8

Al Snow:
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"What does everybody want?"
This is Al's famous catch phrase, known to everyone who has a life. His long tash i
s great, just like him. After fighting alone for a while, very much hardcore based, he joined up with "The lethal weapon." Though this didn't last for long as tempers went flying after Al's attempts to rename Blackman.

Al then found himself with a new role for the federation, a trainer for the MTV reality based series, Tough Enough. I didn't watch this virtually ever, because it looked like it was a load of rubbish, just a cheap rip off of Coronation Street.

The future looks extremely bright for Al now, I mean, he's got himself a role as co-host for the world famous programme, Heat.
Out of ten: 8

The Big Bossman:
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As probably guessed from his title, the Big Bossman is tiny. Coming in at around 6'6", 315 pounds the Bossman is nearly 89. He's one of the federation's classics.

After being absent from the WWF for years the Bossman returned to protect Vince McMahon from the like of Funaki and Perry Saturn. Wouldn't you be scared as well? It wasn't long before he defeated Mankind for his first federation title, the Hardcore championship. Soon after, he teamed up with the giant that is Ken Shamrock to become one half of the tag team champions.

This was not to last, and eventually the Bossman split from Shamrock, leaving the WWF for a while. He then returned with his friend, Bull Buchanan, though he was rubbish and they split up after losing lots and lots of matches.

His success should come as no surprise; he's extremely fast, after losing a few pounds, 5 to be exact, and his nightstick is very dangerous. If you want to see him nowadays you you'll have to watch shows such as Superstars, for he is one big superstar.
Out of ten: 8

Bubba Ray Dudley:
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One half of the "Dudley Boys," well lets say 3 quarters for he is about 50 times the size of his half brother, D-Von. This 6'4", 275 poun
d man is famous for his plastic glasses, without lenses. Honestly, look carefully, there's no lenses in them. Oh, he's also famous for his combat trousers, and sadistic evil personality that made him what he is today. Thriving on putting people through tables, whether their 99-year-old grannies or 5-foot giants, this man puts them through. They claim to be the most famous tag team partners ever, this is backed up with their gold, they are the only people ever to win the tag team championships from all WCW, WWF and ECW. Well, I personally think the famous Albert and X-Pac team were the best, but that's just my opinion. The Dudley's 3D is one of the most feared moves ever, sometime even causing a small bruise.
Out of ten: 6

D-Von Dudley:
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Virtually the same as the above, but different looks, no glasses, smaller and not so sadistic. This mean machine is The Dudley Boys, if it wasn't for him, Bubba would be working for Burger King.
Out of ten: 7

Bull Buchanan:
============
This male cow joined the WWF when The Bossman brought him in. Soon after they broke up, this was very unpredictable as they were arguing and had lost lots of matches. This was all down to the Bull really, coming in at 6'7", 275 pounds this man is bald.

After this loss of the Bossman, the Bull joined The Right to Censor so he could "fight the good fight" with The Goodfather. This was a great turn for him; soon after joining he won the tag team championships, with the help of Stevie Richards that is.

Now you say, well now, he doesn't appear much.
Out of ten: 5

The Godfather:
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The ho train is what he drives, well, it did take a short break down but now its back. The Godfather is another one of them WWF old timers. Sporting a string of "foxy ladies" the Godfather is out for a good time. But still, he's not one to mess with. The Godfather is
around 6?6?, 260 pounds and likes his women.

A few years ago, just like 3 others, he joined RTC. Although he was doing well, winning the tag team championship, we missed his, glasses, and most of all, his funny hat. Oh, and his women.

However, when RTC split up, The Godfather returned to his old ways, goody goody gumdrops.
Out of ten: 7

Bradshaw:
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This bad assed Texan comes from Texas. He has been seen to nearly decapitate hundreds of his people with his finisher, Clothesline from hell. His tag team partner, Faarooq, also helps him in his fight to hurt people. Though not nearly as good. Bradshaw is a giant; well not really I was just lying. He likes his drink, fights and cigars. Well, who doesn't? Well me actually. His bad assed attitude, though getting him into a lot of trouble, has made a big impact on some people, not the whole WWF because he would be better known otherwise. He and Faarooq, have one the tag team titles once, however, they are better known for their protection agency, for people like The Big Show and Kane.
Out of ten: 8

Faarooq:
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Again, much the same as above, but not as good.
Out of ten: 7

Matt Hardy:
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Small, pratish, and with a brother, and girlfriend just the same, Matt Hardy is a big idiot that doesn't deserve the credit that he receives. Famous for his high flying stunts, well throwing themselves off high things usually missing and hurting themselves.
Still in his early 20s we have still got a good 57 years left of him, oh well.
Out of ten: 4

Jeff Hardy:
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Exactly the same, apart from the colour of his hair.
Out of ten: 4

Lita:
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My first woman, what a pity it's her. She started off in the federation as the partner to the famous Essa Rios, who went on to do bigger, and better things. Her highflying stunts are much the same as the Hardyz, who she joined after leaving Essa;
only she starts to cry after. Her biggest occasion was winning the Women's championship. Well that's what the WWF website says, I say its when she was being charmed by "Old Smoothie Pants" and the Hardyz came in and smacked him. What a pair of losers, they just can't hack losing to a champion.
Out of ten: 4

Christian:
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As a member of the cult-like faction, The Brood, Christian captured the Light-heavy weight championship on his debut in '98. After leaving the Brood, Christian and Edge joined forces to become one of the most successful tag teams in the history of the WWF. Mostly from cheating though. After Edge won the King Of The Ring tournament in 2001, Christian looked to be much better than Edge. Edge then turned on him, probably because of jealousy, Christian had got a bigger cheer that night.

Feeling unwanted, and rightly so, by the federation, Edge joined the alliance. Though now that there destroyed he's a bit of a retard.
Out of ten: 7

Edge:
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The story of Edge has just been told in the story of Christian.
Out of ten: 7

Chyna:
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Man, woman, you choose. I'll call it, it. Coming in to the WWF, Chyna was the first ever woman to compete with the men, and actually win. She was charmed by Latino Heat when he came to the WWF and was soon engaged to him. This was not to last with Eddy cheating on her. She then went into women's wrestling and won the title very quickly. Not very surprising really. However, her reign of terror was ended with a life threatening injury, and she no longer wrestles.
Out of ten: 7

Kane:
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No superstar has in history has ever made a more serious impact than Kane. On October 5th, 1997, the world met this 7 foot dwarf, as the man who tore off the "hell in a cell" door to get to his brother the Undertaker. The siblings later met in the first ever inferno match.

Less tha
n one year after he arrived he had already beaten Hardcore Holly. He then went on to defeat Steve Austin to win the WWF championship. Though his reign was short lived, it just showed the power of him.

Soon after this he was to have his first girlfriend, the moose Tori, who later went on to betray him and go out with the stud muffin that is X-Pac. Once a man of no emotion, Kane still is a man of no emotion. A monster in the ring.

D'Lo Brown:
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After reviewing a few of the more underground superstars I've decided to tell you about a better-known wrestler.

Brown first made an impact in the WWF as a bodyguard for The Nation Of Domination, but has since let his individual abilities shine through.

Currently teaming with his good friend, Chaz, there's no telling how far D'Lo could go.
Out of ten: 8

Pat Patterson:
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An institution in the WWF for more than 20 years, Pat Patterson is 187 next year. Always loyal to Vince McMahon, whether he needs a cup of coffee, or a biased special guest ref, the pair of them will do it. Though this is what they do now, years and years and years and years ago, Patterson was a wrestler, and especially famous for his reign as the first intercontinental champ ever.

He may be 186, but a few years ago Patterson won the Hardcore championship. Showing the strength of this O.A.P.
Out of ten: 8

Gerald Brisco:
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Patterson's only friend in the world, Brisco is Vince's other loyal servant. Brisco is most well known for his legendary tag team, with his brother, Jack. Like Patterson, Brisco has also won the Hardcore Championship, though Brisco has won it twice.
Out of ten: 8

Scotty2hottie:
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This giant is one half of one half of the one, time tag team champions, Too Cool. He won the hearts of the WWF fans by dancing and gyrating their way to the ring, along with the man who's
extremely fat, Rikishi.

Scotty has also had his share of singles success, beating Dean Malenko, probably by cheating because there's no other way any man alive could beat Dean, for the Light-heavy weight championship.

He is most famous for his deadly finishing move, The Worm. This involves him hopping around on one foot, doing a break dancing move, then giving the opponent a little slap on the chest- life threatening stuff.
Out of ten: 7

Grand Master Sexay:
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Scotty's partner in the ring, The Grand Master is another rubbish wrestler that likes to just dance around. However he doesn't fight virtually ever anymore, unlike Scotty.
Out of ten: 5

Kurt Angle:
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Kurt captured the hearts of all Americans in the '96 Olympics winning the free style competition. However, when he entered the WWF Kurt's loving fans weren't so loving, booing him every time he stepped in the ring. What were the boo's for? Don't ask me, I was cheering him along. He's great, it's true, it's true.

In his first year he won 3 belts, and King of the ring, yet still no applaud. However, when Angle stays with the WWF instead of joining the Alliance, everyone cheered. God, the fans of the WWF can sometimes be really big idiots can't they? That doesn't include me.

He has a great future ahead of him and I'm sure he'll fade away like most other wrestlers. He'll then start co presenting Heat, and eventually be a commentator.
Out of ten: 7

Triple H:
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He is the game, and he is that damn good. Yes it's the fan favourite HHH. Since joining in '95 HHH has done almost everything. Good and bad. The good being winning the European championship, and the bad being marrying Witch woman, Stephanie McMahon, though he has now split up with her.

His dedication to the business is one of the biggest, putting up with 8
whole months rehab after tearing his left quadriceps right off. On the 7th of January, HHH returned to the WWF, being applauded by 8 people (that's how many I counted).

He now will go on to do better things.
Out of ten: 8

Chris Jericho:
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This man is called Chris. His second name is Jericho. You can call him Y2J for short. Y2J first appeared in the WWF on August 9th, '99.

During the next two years Jericho won all the belts apart from the Light Heavy Weight and the Championship. He has a beard, big side-burns and long hair.

In the year 2001 it was Jericho's year for success. He won the Championship late in the year, nearly completing his set of gold. He sometimes say's "Shut the hell up."

Jericho looks to have a good future ahead of him, that's if he doesn't let his ego, and hair, get in the way of him.
Out of ten: 8

Chris Benoit:
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He is a "wolverine," and a dangerous one at that, especially since he has his life-threatening move, The Crippler Cross-face.

He has a beard, some hair on his head, and a scary face. His success in the WWF since joining has been phenomenal.

And his future looks just as bright. I still hate him though.
Out of ten: 3

Jerry "The King" Lawler:
===================
For nearly a decade The King has brightened up the commentary on the WWF. Though before this role, he was himself a WWF wrestler.

He had a number of successful rivalries, including his rivalry with Bret Hart, lasting over 3 years.

With an absence in mid 2001, The King is back. Not better than ever, but it will do.
Out of ten: 8

Tazz:
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Hailing from The Red Hook section of New York, Tazz is big girly pants. The former multi-time ECW champ made his debut in the WWF with a memorable match against Kurt Angle, choking him out.

Since then Tazz has be
en a commentator for Heat. Oh, and Smackdown, but that doesn't really matter. He was also, like Al Snow, a trainer on WWF Tough Enough.

Now he's kicking butt, and if, no when his opponent meets the Tazzmission, they're sure to tap out, becoming just another victim.
Out of ten: 8

William Regal:
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When Regal joined the federation, he became the goodwill ambassador for Britain. He also claimed to be from there, but you can tell that he's just another actor, with a typical British voice. One that sounds like it's not from anywhere in Britain.

In March 01, he became the federation's commissioner. For months fans applauded him for his fight against the alliance.

However, in October 01, he betrayed the WWF, joining the alliance. After the alliance fell Regal had no where to go.

So, he did what he had to do, kiss Mr McMahon's backside on live television to get his job back.

Now, along with his Regal Stretch, Will looks to be doing well.
Out of ten: 8

The Undertaker:
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Probably the oldest WWF wrestler ever, Undertaker is one American Bad Ass. For more than 11 years, the Undertaker has been in the federation.

His most famous match is known to every true WWF fan-his match against X-Pac where Kane left. It was a classic. Oh, and his match against Mankind, in Hell In A Cell, you might not know that one.

Though cheered most of his career, the fans are starting to boo the man. What a pity.
Out of ten: 8

Stone Cold Steve Austin:
===================
Arguably the federations worst wrestler ever. His bad mouth, foul drinking habits and "don't give a damn" attitude has made him what he is today, not that good.

The Texas Rattlesnake has had some of the most memorable matches in WWF history. His era of "greatness" began at the 1996 King Of The Ring tournament. Soon after he wo
n the WWF title, and so started the "Austin Vs. McMahon" feud.

After returning from a career threatening injury in 2000, the Rattlesnake quickly returned to the top.

His bad attitude might have won over the hearts of many WWF fans, but not mine. Mine is, and always will be with Dean Malenko.
Out of ten: 8

The Rock:
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I know what your think,
"What is the Rock cooking?"
I personally don't have the foggiest.
Anyway, this 6'5", 275 pound man is a 6 time WWF champion. His moves, such as the people's eyebrow (he raises his eyebrow and looks at his opponent meaningfully), are, life threatening. Although best known for his wrestling, the Rock also has some other jobs.

Having been in "The Mummy Returns", the Rock is now set to follow up the film with, "The Scorpion King."

The future's bright for this wrestler, even if he's rubbish in the ring.
Out of ten: 7

Mark Henry:
=========
This man is a "sexual chocolate." Not only that, but Henry is also known for his winning of the strongest man in the world tournament, a few years ago.

Since falling for the 80 year old, Mae Young, Henry has seemed to get more involved in his matches, winning many of them, probably because he's only had about 4 though. His big belly can be one big advantage for him, his special move is jumping on them and I can tell, it would hurt.

The future doesn't look very bright for Henry; I think he'll soon be sacked.
Out of ten: 7

Rikishi:
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When Rikishi joined the WWF he was 426 pounds, he is now 401, you go big guy!

His moves are very, very scary. Well one of them anyway. The "stinkface" has him stick his big fat oversized dimply stinky butt in your face, disgusting.

Unknown to many people, Rikishi was actually a wrestler in the WWF way back in '94,
as one half of the Headshrinkers.

Since rejoining the federation in '99, Rikish has had many ups and downs. Sometimes fan favourite, others times he's not. Rikishi, however, is most famous for his wild antics on Steve Austin, running him down in a car. But now, Rikishi has re-earned his status as WWF phat man, and looks to be back at his best.
Out of ten: 8

Rob Van Dam:
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RVD's rampage one the WWF was one of the best from any of the alliance. With his high-risk moves, he managed to win the Hardcore championship nearly as soon as he came in, off Jeff Hardy I may add.

He looks to be at his peak, and I'm pretty damn sure he's gonna' do good.
Out of ten: 8

Ivory:
====
Another woman as you can probably tell, well sort of a he-she. The big moose joined the WWF in '99 as D'Lo Browns valentine's gift to "the sexual love chocolate" Mark Henry, though soon proved she was really a man.

Disgusted the filthy women in the WWF, she decided to join the RTC. However after they're split, she went back to her old ways, and she doesn't have much of a future.
Out of ten: 5

Trish Stratus:
==========
Since joining the federation, Trish has proved herself to be one of the best divas ever to enter the WWF. At first she would join with Test and Albert, but soon they split and she found herself with Vince McMahon. A month later, however, Trish turned her back on him, leaving him, and his daughter, Moose girl.

After laying low for a while, Trish made her come back at the 2001 Survivor Series, capturing the Women's Title.
Out of ten: 8

Stephanie Mchmahon:
=================
They call her "the billion dollar princess", probably because she's the daughter of the owner of the WWF, who is very rich.

Moose girl's rise to superstardom coincided with her controversial marriage to HHH in
'99. The couple wreaked havoc on the WWF during the ensuing "McMahon/Helmsley" era.

Stephanie stayed low for a few months in 2001 after her husband injured himself. But the lure of the ring was too much, and in July 2001, Stephanie revealed to the world she had bought ECW, and she and her brother, Shane, joined to form the alliance.

After the split of the alliance, Stephanie once again lay low, but when her husband returned, so did she. However soon after, they split, what a pity, I really feel for her. She now looks to be just annoying people and I'm sure she will carry on doing this.
Out of ten: 4

Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, a.k.a Mick Foley:
========================================
Probably the most famous wrestler ever, apart from Dean Malenko of course. Mick Foley is loved by any good WWF fan. His sense of humour outside the ring, combined with his hardcore wrestling in the ring is what made Mick.

Coming as three different people, Mick loved the WWF when he was young, and was recorded jumping off his garage onto a few mattresses as a teenager.

He has many famous matches, the most famous one probably being his "Hell In A Cell" match against the Undertaker. He was seen being thrown of a 30 foot steel structure through a table, and still carrying on the match.

He's also known outside the ring for his best selling book, Have A Nice Day, which got no.1 bestseller.

He was also WWF commissioner, causing havoc on the WWF, making matches such as a six man hell in a cell, Krazy (notice the K emphasizing the craziness of it.)

Though he doesn't fight anymore, Mick does sometimes make appearances and always gets a warm welcome.
Out of ten: 9

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Conclusion
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I may have missed a few wrestlers, but I do not really care.
My favourit
e wrestler: Dean Malenko- he's the biggest stud in the WWF and I think all men could get a few tips off him.

Worst wrestler: Too many to choose from to name one.

Just over 5,000 words and I have finished. Bye Bye.

Summary: