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WHAT? My partner and I are considering asking for money instead of traditional wedding gifts. There's a few websites that will do this for you but we are considering keeping it simple and letting people bring cash on the day and putting it into envelopes to keep it anonymous.
WHY? By the time we get married we'll have lived together for nearly four years, meaning that most house gifts you would traditionally buy for a bride and groom we will already have. As an alternative we are considering asking for money towards our honeymoon.
ANY CONS? Yes - We like surprises! We like receiving random gifts and always enjoy hunting down unusual gifts for people. I feel like I'd be missing out on something if I just told guests I want money.
ALTERNATIVE? I guess somehow we could say give me money or a surprise? I've considered this but I'm unsure of how to word it - what do you say, "give me money or buy whatever you want"? I feel like that's something my 15 year old self would be thinking of birthday gifts from aunties and uncles lol!
I'm keen to here what you feel!
My husband and I got married just over a year ago and we asked for money instead of presents. The reason being - and I'm sure we are not the only ones - we had been living together for a couple of years before we got married so there was nothing we really needed.
We did the big traditional white wedding and it cost a lot! We had everything covered and paid for but we didn't have the money to pay for a honeymoon. I know there are probably a lot of you reading this thinking - maybe you shouldn't have wasted so much money on a wedding that only lasts for 1 day and I agree but why shouldn't we. It was our choice. I wanted to get married in a church and I wanted our guests to have a nice meal and celebrate with us. It was the best day of my life, so far, and I will defend myself in my reasoning. Don't get me wrong our wedding didn't cost 10's of thousands but still a lot to spend on one day.
Anyway I was happy to go without a honeymoon; a couple of days camping would have been fine. But if I had to choose between getting presents that we didn't want or need or being given money to be able to have a more luxurious honeymoon then I have to say I would rather ask for the money.
We didn't expect money from anyone; we just wanted out close friends and family to celebrate with us. We put a little poem in the invitation to explain why we would rather receive money than gifts and a lot of people commented how much they liked the poem:
The date has been set and we'd love you to come,
To our wedding in Cornwall, a long way for some,
All you must do, is decide what to wear,
Then polish your jewellery and comb up your hair.
Don't worry about gifts, don't buy us a yacht,
The things that we need, we've already got.
Our home is quite compact, we may have to move
Then our storage and space will surely improve.
Don't go out shopping or get yourself stressed,
Don't alter your plans for a pre wedding rest.
If you want to be generous, despite what we've said,
Then save all the hassle and do this instead.....
Don't know how to word this but will give it our best shot..
Contributions are most welcome; we'll go somewhere hot!
A honeymoon would be marvellous, to start off our life,
In our long winding journey, as new husband and wife!
I do not feel offended when I go to friends and relations weddings who ask for money, I do however get offended when it is put in an evening invitation! I don't know why, this is something that is new to me. It happened the first time last year. I had never received an evening invitation before asking for a gift or money. It seemed strange to me.
The downside of a wedding list is if you leave it to long to buy something there is either nothing left to buy or you ending up buying whatever is left which can be really expensive. One of our friends got married and opened an account with a travel agent. They were not told any amounts, just who had contributed so they could thank them. We were going to do this but we didn't want to be tied to one travel agent we wanted to be able to shop around for the best prices. The strangest wedding I went to was when the bride and groom set a minimum amount on their cash gifts!!
I do feel very strongly about this subject and hope I do not offend anyone but times are changing. I think at the end of the day your wedding is your choice. I know my family and friends were not offended by us asking for money, we are all very close and they all knew we had our home set up. I think most people were happy to get us something we really wanted and we had a fantastic honeymoon.
My partner and I are getting married in September and are in the process of sending out our invites at the moment. We have asked our guests for money as a gift instead of presents or choosing to have a wedding list. This is for the simple reason that we have lived together for a few years now so have pretty much everything we need for our home. Also we are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves and will therefore use any money we receive from our guests to pay for us to have a honeymoon.
I have a large family and over the last few years I have noticed a trend that more and more of my cousins who have got married recently have asked for cash instead of gifts. I am in no way offended by this and would rather give the couple what they want than buy them a present that they will not like or use.
In the past I think that there was a bigger need for people to request presents as couples often didn't live together before they got married so required more items to help them set up their first home. Now days however people like me and my partner live together for sometimes several years before getting married, hence the reason cash is becoming a more popular alternative.
We have tried to ask for money politely by including small glossy business type card in our invites that reads 'your presence is all we ask for but. But if you do wish to give us a gift money towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.' Therefor putting emphasis on the fact that the main thing is that our family and friends are there with us to share our special day.
I do find it hard to see why people would be offended by a couple asking for cash as a wedding present. In this modern day world we are living in surely this is acceptable for the couple to use the money for whatever they need. I have had no objections from any of my friends or family about asking for money, in fact most of them said they would rather give us what we want then buy something that they are not sure if we have or would like. But also if a guest chooses to bring a gift instead than I would not mind at all I would just see it as their choice. But in my personal opinion I think it is time to leave the 10 toasters behind and move with the times!
My boyfriend and I are attending 6 (yes 6!) weddings this year and I have to say, the gift is probably going to be a bit of a sticking point.
Firstly, I think asking for anything is a bit rude and I suppose this stems from my upbringing, with my parents always teaching me to be grateful for whatever I receive. I know that a gift is always given to a couple when they wed, but having attended a couple of weddings now in which the invitation stated "No boxed gifts", I think some people are taking it too far and it's bordering on cheek.
I think it's acceptable, that if someone asks you want you would like as a gift, you give them your preference. However, automatically requesting money from people is an assumption too far. We are living in more difficult economic times and asking people for cash could put unnecessary pressure on people. If they give you cash, you immediately know how much they have given you. For example, if someone could only afford a gift of £20, they could buy you a nice little personal gift, however if you ask for cash, they may feel under pressure to give you more, especially if they know how much other people are giving you.
I recently had a discussion with someone who claims it is completely unacceptable to give someone a wedding gift of less than £100, meanwhile, my boyfriend's football team mate married last year and the team decided everyone should put £50 in a card for them. I think this just adds to the pressure even more and when I expressed as such, I was told if I couldn't afford to give them a decent gift then I shouldn't go to the wedding. Nice...
I do confess however, that as a guest at a wedding, I love wedding lists as you can chose whatever you can afford from the list with no pressure. For one of the many wedding we have to attend this year, the happy couple produced a list in which the most expensive gift was £25. If you wanted to spend more, you just added more to your list, otherwise they were perfectly happy if you just chose one or two items. Most of the items were little luxuries that they wouldn't normally buy for themselves as they had been living together for some time and didn't need all the traditional gifts that used to be given at weddings.
I suppose this is generally the case now, and the culture of marriage has changed dramatically over the past 30 years. I know in some cultures, money is automatically given without any prompt from the bride and groom.
I do think that people should be able to exercise some control over what they give someone as a gift and this discussion prompted me to have a look around the web to see what other people were saying on the matter. I found that there are all sorts of wedding guides on gift etiquette on the web which state that asking for money is rude and in fact any mention of gifts in the invitation is also not polite. Couples should state that they would be happy with your presence at their wedding not, please come and this is what you should bring us!
Nevertheless it seems to be the done thing now, and we do live in a much more "me" orientated culture. If I ever choose to get married, I would just hope that I can celebrate the beginning of my marriage with those I love around me, rather than worry about how much mullah I can make out of it!
Please forgive my old fashioned rant, and I really don't mean to have a go at anyone who chooses to do this, but I'm a get what you're given kind of girl and I will just be grateful that I am starting my new life with the person that I love.
I came across this 'speakers corner' topic and really wanted to share my opinion on this as it was something myself and my husband experienced for ourselves.
The question is asking if asking for money as a wedding gift acceptable and I certianly think it is! The reason I say this is because when you get married nowadays, most couples have already lived together for quite some time and many have a lot of the 'traditional' wedding gift items already......you know the things I mean......toaster, photo frames, towels, dinner plates etc etc! In our situation it was even more sensible for us to ask for money as gifts as we live in a flat and so have even less space for gifts that would generaly end up stuck in a box as we had nowhere to put it. Plus we were not getting married in the UK so it was nice to have cash as a gift towards the actual things we wanted for the wedding itself.
I suppose when it comes down to it asking for cash is no less cheeky than saying to people in an invite...''here is the gift list...choose from this!'' A lot of the time items on a gift list are picked because normally a couple cannot afford the items otherwise and then guests feel under pressure to pay out more than they could really afford. Of course not everyone does pick expensive items but, it still means guests are restricted, especially if other guests have got in first and bought the cheaper items from the gift list!
Another point is it is entirely up to each individual couple and some will still do the traditional list as that is what feels right for them - however I would say that asking for money is not wrong or a bad option at all and I do feel that most modern couples feel better buying their own items themselves with the money received or even maybe using the money for something else entirely like what we did (we used it to pay for our wedding photos).
At the end of the day it is a nice way to give the couple a gift without worrying you've bought the wrong thing!! If you stil don't like that idea why not give gift vouchers, which is the same concept but many people feel again better about this than just putting money in a card!
Wedding gifts are often a sore point for a couple, especially when you have the traditional view point of "be grateful for what you get".
Often setting up a gift list is a great way to show people what you would like, but how many people can honestly say they just add things because it's what they want without looking at the cost? I for one will not be raising my hand to that! At the moment OH and I are trying in vain to make a gift list with a popular high street store. Do we add things that we want like an ice cream maker despite the over zealous price tag? Or do we play it safe and ask for a set of wine glasses (a set which I have deemed to be an acceptable price)?
Many people in receipt of a gift list will feel the couple are being cheeky, granted this is often the view of a more traditionalistic person, say perhaps from my mother's generation.
Or do you just go that step beyond and ask for the money instead of gifts? This for some is a step too far, they feel that they cannot ask for money, not without writing a funny poem or even a small note to explain that the contributions are towards a honeymoon, or new carpets or something else in the house.
But who decides what is right? Where is the eternal guiding rule book stating what is acceptable? Unfortunately there isn't one and we must follow our own moral compass.
If you have a family who would appreciate a gift list, ones who will look upon it as a guide for what to buy you then by all means set one up - just don't fall into the trap of hunting for the cheapest things to put on it! Add a variety, you never know the generosity of some people. However, that new Aston Martin may be an addition too far!!