My heart won't go on (Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?)

Member Name: Coxy1974

Product:	Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?
Date:	05/04/07 (155 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Fantastic visually

Disadvantages: Plot and acting

Had fun reading the other reviews on this subject however, have to confess that I do enjoy watching 'Cheesy' movies. I love any movie that has silly story lines to it and general slap stick makes me absolutely howl.

Anyhow, I'm digressing and before people tell me that this review has been put into the wrong category here we go.

I've seen many bad movies in my time such as 'The Lover' which starred Jane - the sinner from Pinner - March, Bruce Almighty with the dreadful Jim Carrey and the truly rubbish Dukes of Hazard. But one movie really stands out for me as the worst one of all time - so bad that I actually fell asleep and when I woke up it was still on so that I only know the beginning and the ending.

James Cameron what the hell were you thinking when you brought us Titanic?

The song from the film is annoying too - Celine Dion is just plain annoying herself although I have no reason for why I find her so annoying. The song is just rubbish with her warbling her head off about how her heart will go on - just shut up woman!

Anyway - onto the film. Thank god I didn't pay to go and see this on the cinema - I'd have cried into my popcorn. I borrowed it from a friend on good old VHS and settled down in bed with a glass of wine and chocolate - people had raved and raved about the movie and you couldn't get away from the hype about it in the papers. Kate Winslet was always banging on about how cold it had been treading water in the tanks of water that had been used to create some of the scenes. I was expecting it to be good right - god how wrong was I?

Visually, the film is spectacular. The recreation of the liner was amazing and the attention to detail was excellent, so much so that it did appear as though it was the original. However, that's where my appreciation of the film ended.

Leonardo Di Caprio wins tickets in a Poker game for the maiden voyage and here he meets Rose played by Kate Winslet. She is on board with her betrothed played by Billy Zane.

Rose and Jack soon fall in love and shag in the back of a vintage car in the hold - god what a classy chick. Billy Zane finds out and all hell breaks loose.

Throw into this the fact that the liner has just bumped into an Iceberg and is taking on water like a dog in the desert and you've got a great plot - apparently.

Well this is where I fell asleep. When I woke up women and children were in lifeboats and Rose was clinging to the balustrade of the upended liner trying desperately not to fall into the water.

So what do I hate about the film? Well for me the plot was totally unbelievable - not the fact that the ship sank cos that actually happened - even an ignoramous like me knows that much. No, for me it was the love triangle.

Why would the characters Kate and Leo played get it together in the first place and secondly I pose this question to you.

If you were on a sinking ship what would you do?

A. Get into a life boat and quick with the rest of your family

B. Try to kill your cheating girlfriend and her lover by chasing them round the boat that was sinking

Hmmm - tough choice that one for me. Pondering.

There are people who love the romanticism of the film (where?) and the visual spectacle that James Cameron created through great cinematography however for me the film left me cold.

This film made a packet at the box office and made a star of Kate Winslet. It won awards however, I still fail to see the point. If they were going to make a film called Titanic then at least let it be a story about the boat itself.

Another thing I hated about the film is the fake Irish accent that Leo uses. I am part Irish and so know the different accents in Ireland. They always go for a Northern Ireland accent which is different to where Leo's character was supposed to be from. Anyway - why in Hollywood are Irish characters always portrayed as being lower class? Another annoying thing about the film.

I do apologise to anyone who loved this film however, I just don't get it.

Oh and the answer to the question - of course I'd be off the ship like a shot - wouldn't any sane person?

Summary: The film should have struck the Iceberg.