Top Ten Worst Songs of 2003 (Worst)

Member Name: Catzy

Product:	Worst
Date:	28/12/03 (650 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Not really. Considering this is in the worst section

Disadvantages: I dont like being mean to Cliff!

Why has everyone done reviews on bad sitcoms? Am I in the bad sitcom section by mistake or is it just the 'in' thing to write about?

Ok, I'll be hip.

Here goes...

Yo ma. Whatever. Me and me homeys were going to a crib to hang with some honeys and then I did whatever. We are talking about the worst sitcoms made like whatever and the first is...

Oh stuff it, I can't do it! I'm just going to do what the title of this review says, and if you don't like it go play in the road or something.

I'm kidding. I love you all really.

These are in no particular order...

:)

1. The Fast Food Song - The Fast Food Rockers

Novelty songs used to be just one off songs done now and again. Now we have groups that base their music specifically on novelty songs! MUSIC IS NOT ABOUT NOVELTY!!! MUSIC IS NOT ABOUT FUN! IT IS GLOOMY AND DEPRESSING AND IS MEANT TO DRIVE YOU TO SUICIDE!!! Ok, maybe it isn't but music is meant to be a serious thing. It's meant to be an art! It's ok to have a little fun now and then, but on a regular basis it starts to just get plain boring and unfunny! Now lets go on to the song.
" A pizza hut. A pizza hut. Kentucky Fried Chicken and a pizza hut. Mcdonalds, Mcdonalds. Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut. "
Ok. So its a song about Fast Food Resturaunts. Bloody hell, we sang this son in the scouts! It's cheesy, and its incredibly catchy, and thats not a good thing. Now first of all this group have generated to major problems for themselves already.
1. They are a novelty act, and are never going to be taken seriously.
2. They are called the Fast Food Rockers. Which means they are going to have to do all their songs about Fast Food.
So what? They've still not covered Burger King. There ya go. Fast Food Rockers. Next single. And maybe they should do a song about "chips" and then Ronald Mcdonald. And

hey, they could always spy on girls scout meetings for insperation if they get stuck!
I hate them and I hate their song. I hate the fact that they blatantly take the mick out of themselves and think it makes them popular. They are most obviously aiming their stuff at kids. Kids aren't thick. Kids don't like being played down to with this stuff. They're pretty smart. And this is the sort of stuff that would be considered "uncool" by even the most gullible of Westlife lovers. They had their fun with the Fast Food Song. And thats it. Now go away. Your not funny. If you like fast food bars so much, go work in them, which is pretty much what is going to happen to you anyway as soon as your careers bye.
And take that dog with you.

2. Mandy - Westlife

Two points. First of all, this is a cover. Second of all its a cover of a bad song.

And it got to Number One.

And it won record of the year.

And its absaloute cr@p.

This is Number On, whiles the likes of Stereophonics, Coldplay and The Darkness are being shoved to the back of the charts whilst this gets all the glory.
I hate this record because I hate the song and I hate Westlife. And I hate covers. Its so unbelievably cheesy love pop song. And it's catchy. And Westlife have a large fanbase, so naturally its going to grab some glory but I wish to god people would wake up because I have to have this song broadcast all over the place. Unless the whole population of girls are called Mandy. And even if I were called Mandy, I still wouldn't buy it. Its just an average pop song. And is a worse version of an original. Are Westlife a curse that are going to be popular for EVER! They are good singers, and thats it. And some of them aren't even that good at singing! Why does everyone love them so bloody much???

3. The Cheeky Song - The Cheeky Girls

They don't sound cheeky. They sound foreign.
They don'
;t lo
ok cheeky. They look like extras from a low budget Dracula movie.
Oh, but they are fantastic at music aren't they? Its clear that they're all about the music isn't it? I mean, I'm glad they spent so long working on lyrics that meant so much to them.
" We are the cheeky girls. We are the cheeky girls. Touch my bum. This is life. "
THIS IS LIFE???
What? Life is all about touching our bums?
Well, that explains it. Thanks for clearing that up Gabriella and Monica.
And they are obviously bad singers. They just talk, but try and make it into some sort of vague tune don't they?
And they will try and distract us from that main flaw by wearing hotpants. Well, I'm sure all the lads are loving that. I mean, don't get me wrong, they aren't that bad looking really, but surely they eat now and then? You could put a pair of twigs on the stage and noone would be able to tell the difference. Well, they would actually, becauseI'm sure the twigs would be better singers.
I wonder who their inspirations are?
Probably the Fast Food Rockers.
Maybe thats a good thing actually. They might start eating! Hurrah!

4. Take Your Shoes Off - The Cheeky Girls

Aaah! Back so soon?
Now, this is their second single.
And it's not catchy. And its about taking your shoes off.
Why?
Do the cheeky girls just go around touching their bums in barefoot all day?
Actually, I bet they do that on the way home from Dracula's castle.
This song is just an unmemorable mildly catchy dance song with some sort of computer game music in the background.
And that's it! Why the hell do you want to take your shoes off? Is that some sort of inside joke of theirs???
I've just read the lyrics of he song.
What steroids are they on???
Wanna hear some lyrics?
Well, I doubt you will. But hey, I suffered. You will too.
"Every girl and boy needs to gr
ow up

To enjoy the fun in disco clubs"
DISCO CLUBS???
"It is hard to be under 18
You can push the time to be just free"
Ay?
"Shake your body feel the beat
Take your shoes off and feel free"
What? You feel free by takin your shoes off?
"We love our teenage lives"
No you don't. Your not teenagers, and everyone hates their lives when they are teenagers.
"Disco fever never dies"
Disco fever died. Please don't bring it back. I'm on my knees here, Cheeky girls! Please don't bring back disco fever! I'll do anything! I'll touch my bum if needs be!


5. Flip Reverse - Blazin' Squad

Ok. What is a Blazin' Squad exactly? Is it about a gang of people who are on fire? Well, probably true, because they certainly sound in pain during this song. Lets pay attention to some of the lyrics.
" Hey (yeah) i wanna see you work it baby,
I want you to be my lady"
Ok. Wow. What great rhymers. And I thought The Streets were good at rhyming!
"I'm a do it real good if you know how i felt,
we could take it downstairs, like below the belt,
whateva you want i got it, i'm hot baby ya want it,
love solid for hours not even austin powers could top it"
They wrote this song didn't they? I can tell by the fantastic use of lyrics. This is a band aimed at teenagers and kids and they are most obviously talking about sex aren't they? Austin Powers is a fictional character as well. Just thought I'd point that out to the singer " Flava ". Yes, they have a band member called Flava. And they also have one called Spike E. I wonder if hes got a good part to sing? Lets see...
" i'm the kind of boy dat like a lot of heat undercovers,
sitting on some cheddar, need to work you girl,"
Yes. Basically, he has sex with a girl whilst sitting on a lump of cheese. This
just gets bette
r...
"i'm the type, more like to pick up the mic,
and bless this crowd with my flows, while you stare and grind"

Grind? What, like grinding beef?
" and i will bring my chick, cos thats how we roll,
and i'll take these chicks and i'll take them home, "

Yeah. And it goes on.
So, what? Girls are only good for rolling, grinding beef, and working it?
Ok, Blazin' Squad. I'd like to see one of you get a girl whilst sitting on a block of cheddar. When they wrote this, were they drunk? Or were they just thinking of any word that rhymed?

6. Say it Isn't So - Gareth Gates
Another sickly sweet love balad from Mr Gareth Gates. After trying to copy Justin Timberlake with "Sunshine" which was mildly catchy, he decides to stick to his "best" which is actually his worst, and go back to his sugary pop scene, where Westlife are Kings among men, and the Cheeky Girls are the princesses, and the dog out of the Fast Food rockers is the royal pet. Oh god, I've just had an image! Excuse me, I need to sit down. Uuurrgghh... I will give Gareth a few positives. He's a nice enough guy, and at least he can sing ok, at least he has a normal name, and at least his lyrics make sense. Sure, they are sickly sweet, but at least he doesn't sit on blocks of cheese...
He just happens to have songs that are cheese.

7. Santa's List - Cliff Richard
Please no. Don't get me wrong. I love Cliff. He's great, but whats his obsession with Christmas songs? Stil, it wouldn't be Christmas without a crap Christmas record from good old Cliff would it?
One thing Cliff.
In this song your saying basically, stuff Christmas, just as long as there is peace on Earth its fine.
I mean, its a lovely thought Cliff, but why dont we try and aim a little
more realistically?
Ay? How about a nice song about holly? Or a song out of Wizard of Oz maybe? But something a bit more merry would be nice Cliff!

8. Bye Baby - Gemini
This was our entry for the Eurovision song contest. Thanks guys. Its a crap pop song with bad songs. We deserved Nul Points.

9. (Shakespeare's) Way with Words - One True Voice
Remember them? Me niether...and lets not be reminded of them...

10. Have a cheeky Christmas - The Cheeky Christmas
Yay! Cheeky Girls are back! This is clearly because I couldn't think of anything else. Rubbish pop record. Bad singing. Not catchy. Merry Christmas! Monica and Gabriella.

Oh, I feel really bad now, after being mean to all those lot. Sure, they deserve it, but I still feel bad about myself. Its a tough life being a Dooyoo reviewer...

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