Booze blues (100 Calorie Blueberry Bacardi Breezer)

Member Name: ryanando

Product:	100 Calorie Blueberry Bacardi Breezer
Date:	26/04/09 (144 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It has booze in it. Just.

Disadvantages: Its crap, too fizzy, no flavour.

---Smile, it won't kill you---

At this particular moment, the only belief system that is working within my being is that Sky (provider of phones, internet and TV) (hah) should crawl back into the chasm from whence they came and die a fiery death while choking on their own vomit. If at some point I am to be immortalised as the leader of the rebellion against Sky and a new religion is born of it, they will tell that the reason for such bile being aimed at them is the fact they just screwed me out of £40 for my phone, tried to charge me another £65 to fix my TV and then smiled happily while offering me £20 credit to use against all things pay per view (which will currently be impossible to watch unless I stump up the fore mentioned £65)

Throw in the fact the post office have lost an integral part of my costume for my next burlesque night out, my mother has tried to beat up the owner of the gay bar I frequent, my eye has been twitching for five days now and I just discovered Zooey F***ing Deschanel is in ANOTHER movie I just bought, I've not had a good week. Yeah, I'm getting to the point.

---Groan---

Deciding that it was in fact the grown up thing to do, I decided to get my mother a card and chocolates for her birthday despite being mightily unimpressed with her. At the same time I thought I would go and grab myself a four pack of blue wkd's. This of course would be too much to ask. They only had twelve packs, which, thanks to sky, I cannot currently afford. They did, however, have ONE four pack of Blueberry Bacardi Breezer. I decided to just give in and take it.

---Brand me---

For those of you who are hermits, Bacardi is white Rum that has been around from 1862. Most people like to put the stuff in Coke (which, I'm told, is an incredibly gay drink) and is a key ingredient in mojitos (pronounced Mo-Hee-Toes), an incredibly disgusting drink that only serves to remind me why they tell you not to swallow mouthwash.

They do, however, own quite a lot of drinks now, including Martini, Drambuie whisky, Disaronno Amaretto, and some vodka I've never heard of. Yay for them. The use a bat against a red circle as their logo, but mostly it just makes me think that Batman is a bit of an alcoholic. Hmm.

Bacardi Breezers came along somewhere in the late 90's (if memory serves me right) and come in a good many flavours. The watermelon one is particularly good for making your father believe you are spewing up blood and trying for a minute to rush you to hospital before you explain the contents of your stomach to him in a rather blunt manner. Ahh memories.

After a while they released a "half sugar" range of breezers, aiming neatly at all those dieters who want reduced calories while boozing their tits off. Mysteriously, the half sugar range seems to have disappeared and in its place is a subtle new range of "100 calorie" breezers, which are a whole 5 calories lower than their half sugar predecessors. Who cares about that though, if I'm getting drunk I don't care how fat I look.

---Lookie here---

For a mere...well, less than four pounds anyway, you can get yourselves four of these rather weak looking drinks. The packaging is white and blue and is quite muted. Not half as vibrant as I want my drinks to be. I want them brimming with magical colours and ridiculous amounts of E numbers.

All I get in this one is a "refreshing blend of alcohol, Bacardi rum, fruit flavours and spring water." That's only of partial use to me (it's got booze in it so it's not ALL bad). Looking at the liquid inside the bottle, it too is disappointingly weak in colour. But, hey, who am I to judge. Oh yeah, I am ME! So, the colours are not a good sign for me.

---Down with the sickness---

The bottle reminds me there are just 100 calories in this 275ml bottle. This disappoints me as there are 244 in a decent bottle of blue wkd. I feel that's just bitching for bitching sake though. Then it tells me about the alcohol content of the bottle and I go right back to bitching. Only 4%!!! What am I supposed to do with that? That's a whole 0.5 percent less than my holy Wkd and less than some beers out there. This is a piss poor performance from Bacardi. With only 1.1 units per bottle and if I weren't a lazy douche, I'd be attempting to work out how much percentage points a shot of Bacardi would give you just so I could moan about how weak this breezer is. Either way, if I had gotten a four pack of blue Wkd I would have been a whole 2% more pished right now. This angers me.

---Open up the demon---

So now we get to the flavour. It's an alcopop so I expect it to be sweeter than a bag of sugar rolled in something else incredibly sweet then dipped in syrup. This stuff is bitter. Ok, so my face doesn't curl up like someone sucking a lemon but it isn't half as sweet as you would expect. Being honest though, none of the Breezers I've tasted so far have been all too sweet. I should have remembered that.

Also, in line with the others, I find this to be quite gassy. Full of fizz. Occasionally the fizz will over power the flavour. It reminds me of when you order juice in a fast food place and they have ran out of syrup. Just with a hint more flavour. Like gum that has been chewed on too long, after the first couple of sips it just looses it's flavour as your mouth gets used to it.

---Bugger it---

I believe that is all you need to know now. The stuff is crap to ok depending on exactly how much you need your alcohol fix. Other than that it's pretty much weak in every other department. Not much flavour, not much colour, not much alcohol. Not much fun. Given, you could probably stomach them for a whole night easier than you could other Alcopops...but where is the fun in that??

Summary: A piss poor attempt at alcopops.