Last Friday I met my flatmate in the pub at 6 o'clock. We were celebrating her last ever shift my ex employer, the hell hole otherwise known as The Disney Store with a couple of drinks. We decided we would get food on the way home since we'd only be out for a few.

2:30am, having just left the gay club, Me wearing her size 8 shirt and name badge, we got a kebab and hungrily munched it up. It was after all the only food we had eaten since about dinner time.

Needless to say, a lot more money was spent than I had really planned for. Plan- £20. Actual outgoings- £90. This weekends plans now go something like this:

Friday: Do nothing
Saturday: Do nothing
Sunday: Point and laugh at my friend running The Race For Life, then do nothing.

You will notice that it's a long weekend. I just wanted to make that clear is all. Long weekend. Hell yes.

So, being slightly booze inclined (aka Scottish) I had to think of ways to slowly inject vodka back into my alcohol stream. "Cock" was the first thing I thought. Then I added "tails" onto the end and everything made sense again. Ahem. Personally, I blame the lovely lush face stuff my ex gave me the other week. It smells like the worlds best cocktail going. It tastes like a bunch of harsh chemicals. Trust me, I tried.

Filled with good intentions and rather low on cash, I noted down the ingredients for the face mask and rushed off to... well...I went to my Dads for tea. Food is so much better when you don't have to cook it yourself. Then I rushed off to Tesco. Somewhere in between this fantastic ideas beginning and the point just before its actualisation, I decided "screw mixing up fruit, that's too much bloody effort". Which it totally is. On top of that, I'm allergic to most fruit if its not been cooked and processed until it's something else. This is the point I decided to go for the stuff I've been itching to buy again since I first tried it. J2O. This is the point where I now run off to do some panicked research into them before I prattle on any further.

----Jooshee?, Oh yeashh.----

Launched in 1998, J2O, a fun play on H2O for those of you who really didn't spot it on your own, originated from that lovely company, Britvic. If, like me, you are not a know it all bugger-head ... I'm not I swear...then you will be utterly shocked to find out that Britvic Plc are the evil doers behind Pepsi, that evil rip off of Coke. They are also the people who pump Tango, 7-Up and Robinsons (amongst other randomly well known juices) onto our high streets. They seem well versed in the refreshment beverage market anyway.

----Webnetsite? You rawk!----

First of all I must point out what a bloody handy website they have. (http://www.britvic.com/Brand.aspx?id=49). Take a gander for a much more to the point idea of what this stuff is. Also, to save me bothering about the Nutritional Values, get over to there for it. After a quick scan I can tell that they seem to be rather low in fat and a wee bit higher in sugar.

It was originally made for bars, clubs and other places where you consume Alcofrolic beverages, such as down the local park and behind the bike shed. It is, essentially, juice. No booze. No fun. Tastes bloody great though. They put this one in a glass bottle so that when that horrible time comes and you get the joy of being the designated driver, the drunktards around you won't notice you are being a wuss and drinking juice. At least for the first five minutes.

Brilliant idea in theory...in practice...a bit daft really. Drunk people ALWAYS notice when you aren't drinking. Mainly because they know you aren't before you get drunk. On top of this, J2O has been heavily marketed towards you cool people who don't want to damage your liver and/or motor functions by the time you are 30. Is there honestly anyone who didn't know J2O was a Noncaholic beverage?? Didn't think so. Still, it remains a popular choice for you sensible sorts.

In my city, the only upside most people see is that it gives those people who aren't drinking a weapon too. Though in my city, someone who is not drinking is generally not there.

----Does You Gots Flava?----

It started out in three flavours and has grown massively to...wait for it....6. 7 if you count the limited edition Orange and Pomegranate (plus vodka) one I'm currently slurping on. The first one I tried was Orange and Cranberry which is a little bottle of love. I've now tried a whole 4 of the flavours and so far, so good. They are nice and fruity, best served cold and aren't full of bits like some of the more alcoholic fruity things are. They aren't overly sweet either, so you'd be able to drink them all night if you don't give in, take your car home and go back out to get smashed.

----How mushh Bang for my Buck?----

Well, it's not an explosive, so most likely none unless you know some neat tom foolery. You can however pick these up at what I begrudgingly admit is a decent price. You get 4 bottles for £3 in Tesco- land of dreams come true. I'm not sure even God knows how much the pub charges for these as it changes with your local. That and, like Mexico, God ignores what's happening in the pub.

----....And...*Hic*... Innnn constlusion.. *Hic*----

A good, cheap option for those who are oddly wanting to stay sober, I much prefer it as a cop-out option when making cocktails. Funnily enough, this alternative to alcohol tastes amazing when carefully and lovingly blended with a giant glug of vodka, peach schnapps, Malibu or any of the other million and thirty spirits out there. Not all at once, of course. Though I am, now, quite tempted to try it. If only I wasn't down to my reserve bottle of Vodka.

(This review was written while under the influence, so I apologi...actually no I don't. Any typos you find you can kiss my sweet fruity drink. Go on, you know you want to)


(also on Ciao)